Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat

Our first dog, Belle, was an only dog until she was 6. We lived in town with a normal yard, and Belle was an extraordinary dog, so we felt no need to have any companion but her. Truly, Belle was like an angel in dog fur (she did eat a $500 tent, but then it was all good ).

When we decided to move into the mountains on some land, we knew our commutes to work would be considerably longer and we worried some about Belle being alone for so long. We then got a second dog from a local rescue group, a rotty cross about 9 months old. We were her 4th home and she was an awful lot of work. As with Duke's mom, bonding took a very long time. Belle and Zoot were fine together, but the humans just couldn't figure her out.

A few months after moving to the mountains, we found an old Collie in the woods. She was a mess. Long story short, she lived up here and was turned out and neglected terribly. Animal Control helped us convince her owner to legally sign her over to us. So then we had 3 dogs, including Sadie the 9-year-old, passive-aggressive Collie who soon went deaf.

Sadie was the first dog we lost, to kidney failure 5 years later. To be honest, her downhill slide was so sudden, so incredibly unexpected, that we had no prep time. We did not mourn Sadie with great sadness because she so suddenly was in great pain. When she died, we felt relief, honestly.

We never wanted 3 dogs, and being down to Zoot and Belle felt good. So 8 months later when we were on vacation in South Dakota and found a pup dumped in the middle of nowhere, we cringed. But we brought him home and named him Dakota. Back to 3 dogs.

Belle left next, after a few years of a slowly degenerative spinal disease taking her rear legs. Belle was so special that I worried for the last 2 years of her life that we were making her live for us, not for her. She's been gone 3 1/2 years and I'm getting tears now thinking of it. My husband would cradle her like a baby and carry her outside. I could never have predicted that he would be that way with her. Belle had a stroke one morning when I was helping her outside. She forced our hand. She was 15 1/2.

Losing Belle was so hard that I actually didn't want the other 2 dogs I had. Is that awful to say? I wanted nothing to do with caring for them, I didn't want to see them playing and wagging and leaning over for a head scratch. I wanted Belle, and if I couldn't have her then I didn't want any other. Of course I changed, but that was the hardest thing I've ever gone through.

Zoot left 14 months ago at about 13 1/2. The dog who wouldn't  bond waited until her last year and then became a velcro dog. She took her entire life to develop a personality and then showed us she could be sweet and affectionate. But she was awfully hard to love.

Now we have Dakota with his 3 legs, and we have a 2-year-old bulldog, Evelyn. She comes from a privileged background and is our first non-rescue dog. She has a purpose, though.

So if we had not already had Dakota and Zoot when Belle died, I'm not sure we would have ever gotten another dog. I think that the once-in-a-lifetime dog can change you in ways that make it really hard to be open to another one. Like Dan is experiencing, when they leave it's hard to fathom another one. My parents lost their forever dog just before we lost Belle, and they've declared they will never get another, that there's no point since they think they would always be asking the new one to (unfairly) measure up.

Way too long, I know, but it's a complicated relationship that we enter into with these creatures.

--Shari

admin said:

 

Did you ever get another long, and how long did you wait?

If so, how did you know when the time was right?

If not yet, what is keeping you from doing so?

What were your biggest challenges to accepting the loss of your first?

What milestones to you recall marking the development of your connection with the new dog?

We lost our old guy nearly a year ago now (on the 26th) He was the first for both of us as far as losing a pet. We'd lost family pets, but he was ours, and it was hard. 

We didn't wait long. We also had a second dog at the time he passed (still have her :)), and she was so lonely without our old guy. We had started looking, just to look and see what was out there. We had no intentions of bringing home a dog anytime soon, we just wanted to look - I think it helped us to look forward instead of focus on what was missing. But, then we came across two puppies, one with a missing leg - he needed us. We tried to walk away like we had with the others, but neither of us could stop thinking about the pups, and a few days later they both came home. We'd been looking for an older adult dog - not two puppies. But, we were drawn to those two and couldn't walk - so, a new chapter opened. 

The biggest challenges in accepting the loss of our first I think was mostly just that he'd always been there. I met my other half and he had our old guy and he'd just been there from day one. They were a package. It was hard to look in the places he always slept, and not see him there. It was tough to see our other dog mourn. It was just tough to let go. 

Adopting the puppies made it harder and easier for us. It was too soon, and a lot sooner than we'd hoped to bring home another dog. But we went with it. 2 puppies is so different than a 15 year old senior dog. They have definitely changed the atmosphere in our house from quiet and tranquil, to war zone . They made the emptiness much bigger - it was so much  more obvious that our big guy was missing the first few weeks we had the pups. It was just so different than what we were used to. BUT having two puppies, going to school/working full time, doesn't leave much room to sit around and dwell. They kept us so busy that we didn't have time to focus and hang onto our grief for too long. Because two puppies are so different than one senior dog, we also have not ever compared or had unfair expectations. They weren't adopted to 'replace' or fill his spot. It's a completely new chapter for us. 

As far as bonding - it's been difficult. I personally am not a fan of the puppy years as they're trying and a lot of work. I think puppies are difficult to bond with right away as it is, until they come into themselves and you get a better sense of their personality and potential. It's really been the last couple of months that we've bonded. Mina has forced a bond between us. She loves me like no other and would spend all day in my lap if she could. She and I have really connected so that's been really good. Dante and I still haven't bonded the way I'd like to. He's really taken with my other half and has become 'his dog' much like Mina is for me, but he's more aloof and more a 'one person' dog. Mina shares the love a little more than he does. We play and snuggle and all of that, but given the chance he'd rather be with my other half. It works, I can't fit two 50lb dogs in my lap anyways. I think it has really healed my S/O to have Dante become his buddy - the dog we lost had been with him since he was 15 and was his best friend - Dante has kind of filled those shoes now and I can tell it's helped my S/O to have Dante at his feet all night now. It's not the same, but it's made the emptiness a little less empty, now. 

What a great topic…it touches on thoughts I've been having since losing Zack 2 months ago.

When I first got married, my husband & I knew we wanted a dog. As soon as we were settled and living in a place that allowed dogs, we adopted Zack from a no-kill shelter. His entire litter had been brought in the night before, and, really, he chose us (even at only 5 weeks old, he was pretty smart!) Whatever I say about him will never do him justice – he was the most adorable, loyal, persistent, lovable, 'one-track-minded,' neurotic, sweetest, intelligent 'baby,' and we grew up together (he from puppy to dog, and us from 'crazy kids' to adults.) He adapted to one long-distance and several short-distance moves, was my one constant as I divorced, and helped 'seal the deal' with my new husband (heeheehee – we joke about this, but on some level, I really believe it is true – here's this dog with such a personality, how do you walk away from that? 🙂

Zack truly was my dog soulmate – I knew him as well as I knew myself and vice versa. I could tell what he was thinking from the look on his face or what he needed from the tone of his whine/bark, and he knew when I needed a snuggle or a kiss without me having to ask. When he was about 3 or 4, I saw an interview with the bassist from the Red Hot Chili Peppers – he had his young daughter with him, and the interview ended with him saying, 'There's only one Clara!' and her responding with, 'There's only one Poppa!' It was so cute, and immediately made it into our vocabulary – I can't tell you the number of times over the years I have said to him, 'There's only one Zackie!' (with my husband often responding on Zack's behalf with, 'There's only one Momma!')

And that became so evident after we adopted our 2nd dog, Izzy. The adoption came about because I was driving to work one day & found a boxer puppy. I took it to the SPCA, and decided we'd adopt it if no one claimed it in three days. Well, Zack was never a dog's dog (he always thought of himself more as a person), and at age 11, he wasn't about to change. We introduced him to several puppies, who drove him nuts within seconds of meeting, and we were about to give up when one of the shelter volunteers suggested Izzy. She had just been brought back to the shelter by her adoptive dad because he was single & had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and could no longer care for her. About 8 months prior to that, she had been on a waiting list (for which I didn't ask for the details because it would have broken my heart.) I didn't necessarily want an older dog, but as soon as she & Zack met, I knew she'd fit in perfectly – just like him, she was way more interested in people than other dogs. And fit in she did…..she is mostly deaf, and learned our routines from Zack. And, thank god, because while she is a good dog – sweet, low-key – she is not very bright (at least compared to Zack.) It took her several months to truly trust us and warm up, but she was a wonderful addition to our family.

Dog #3 came into our lives only as a result of losing Zack. A few days before we ended up losing him, I saw the post from Craigslist here on tripawds. She was so cute in the pictures, and I felt a bond due to her only having 3 legs – and she was only about 90 mins away. The very night Zack died (although we had no idea it was coming), my husband & I were out getting a pizza, and I remember saying to him, 'Tell me again why we can't have 3 dogs?' I full well knew we couldn't, but wanted to hear it said out loud. We got home that night and ending up having to rush Zack to the emergency clinic, and return home without him.

And, even as I was dealing with this incredible void without Zack, my mind kept wandering to this poor 3-legged puppy – the timing felt uncanny. It took a few weeks for us to feel ready to even start discussing another dog, but knowing time might be limited to adopt, and thinking about her living somewhere unwanted, we contacted the shelter, and adopted Zula in mid-Jan. She is only about 8 months old, and is ALL puppy. My husband has never raised a puppy, and I was 14 years younger last time I did it, so it has definitely been an adjustment. She is a pit bull mix, but mostly pit bull, so very strong-willed. Zack was a lab mix, with some pit bull in him (as a puppy, he looked just like a pittie, until his snout grew out to resemble lab more…), and the similarities between them are amazing. Some of her personality traits and mannerisms remind us so much of Zack, we joke that he is whispering in her ear and giving her pointers. Despite the stubbornness, she is so cute, sweet, smart, and cuddly, it makes it easy to love her. While I don't regret adopting so soon after losing Zack (especially because Zula really needed a forever family to belong to) there have been a few times when I have felt guilty that maybe I didn't mourn the loss of Zack long enough (which the logical part of me knows is silly because I still miss him & remember him despite, and sometimes even more because of, the new dog.)

All of that being said, for me, I do not feel the same kind of feelings for either of my current dogs that I did for Zack. I love them to pieces, but he was 'my boy.' We shared a connection that felt deeper than love (if that makes sense) and I don't think I will ever feel that with another dog. And, I am ok with that – the other dogs remind me of how special my bond with Zack was and how lucky I was to share 14 years with him. Everything after that is just gravy.