Thank you all Sally--how could Sam ignore THAT cute face? And Mica...the video kills me. I wonder if Gangsta Terrie-ah has seen the kitty on a roomba videos?

Sometimes just the rambling to someone other than the inside of your own head helps.

And no, rene, you aren't rambling.

I think we get to a point--which is different for everyone--like Karma said where you just really aren't sure which way is up anymore. It's a twilight time, really. I don't want to rob Sam of time and dead rabbits, but neither do I want him to linger longer than he wants to.

Some animals let us know very clearly it is time--or not time. With others, whether we miss the memo, or whether they just don't want to let us know...well, you just don't know. And the ambiguity of that is hard for an OCD personn like myself to deal with I have had creatures fall into both categories, and I don't think there is a "better" path--each poses its own set of challenges.

I think what is bothering me the most these last couple of days is that twilight state--I don't WANT to let him go, but I certainly don't want him staying here b/c he's too stubborn to tell me he wants to leave We're true Minnesotans, locked in the battle of passive aggressive politeness (although, oddly, neither of us is a MN native) :p

Anyway...I  think that no matter what path you take, you have these moments from time to time. When you are like, "WTF? I MADE the decisions to do X or Y and Z, but not P and Q. There shouldn't BE any more of these nebulous thoughts." And then you realize that it's all messy, b/c that's the way it is and you roll with it and make choices--even if it is to not make any choices--and then you don't look back, b/c there's no point. It is what it is what it is.

In response to the direct questions: rene--the reason I'd consider doing films now...not for a timeline, but because maybe they would tell me more than Sam would. I know him well enough to know that he could be just having up days and down ones...or he could be really hurting--and he's the type who wouldn't say boo if he had a mouthful. Sort of wishy washy and equivocating on my stance of "treat the symptoms, not the numbers"...but there ya go.

Karma--Sam is on tramadol and pred. A lowish dose, yes. I left a message with my vet, letting know I've upped the pred slightly and wanted to fill him in, so we'll see what he says when we talk tomorrow. My thinking would be,regardless of what else we do, if the extra pred still isn't helping, we'll bump that up a bit, too. Who knows...I think  the heat is finally done here after today, so maybe a few days without AC and just some nice days lolling outside will do it, too

An update for today:

Sam ate some brown rice and hot dogs last night, not a ton--maybe 2/3 cup of rice and 1 Oscar Meier Classic Wiener (<---as we have mentioned before, ONLY Oscar Meier Classic Wieners are acceptable), but it was something, which made me feel a bit better.

Out of curiosity, I tracked his respiration last night throughout the evening, to see if it was as fast as it seemed. At times, he was taking upwards of 72+ breaths/minute, so almost double what it should be. (This was at rest--ostensibly asleep/dozing) The lowest I counted it was in the 40s.

This morning, there was no convincing him to eat--not even hot dogs and rice. He took a milkbone as I went out the door, but nothing else. He also had his back legs go out from under him (partly b/c he is using the one rear less and less, and partly b/c I cannot touch his feet anymore to cut his toe poufters super short, which doesn't help...they are trimmed, but could be shorter, if I could get at them), and instead of getting up, just kind of looked in a panic.

Those things, coupled with his general demeanor this morning led me to think maybe I needed to do more than just call the vet today with a general check-in/shoot the shit call and let him know I upped the pred and tramadol.

I broached the idea of taking Sam in for films to Pat, and he agreed...it would probably be worth the cost and seemed a logical idea (engineers...they all need those "rational, cost-benefit explanations" :p). It worries me a bit whenevr Pat agrees to stuff like this, b/c it usually means things are worse than they appear--I am on one end of reactionary; he is on the other.

Anyway, I called this AM and let them know we'd be in this afternoon (Sadie needs a nail trim anyway...she has Badger Claws. We are almost to the adamantium level. If she weren't such a selfish, needy thing, she'd be the newest superhero do-gooder ). If we do films/labs, and they show that no, the lung mets aren't substantial and there are no mets to the spine or other limbs/organs, that will be excellent. Then we know we can keep managing things with OTC stuff, his accupuncture, etc. Keep on, keeping on. OTOH, if we go in, and we see substantial mets, etc., things are that without a doubt what is causing his discomfort...well, then we need to come up with a different plan. But I DO think, at this point, yes...we need to know to really make the best choices for Sampson.

So there is our update! Hopefully, we will have some answers this evening