Hi, my post is gong to be a long one I'm afraid, so anyone who takes the time to read it and offer some advice, would be greatly assisting me.

I have 2 Bernese Mountain dogs, one just 4 (Yogi Bear) and one 8.5 yrs (Arthur / Arty).

My emotional rollercoaster journey started back in April. I found a small (tick like) lump on my youngest's ear. Needless to say, being a bernese owner and having had previous experience of histiocytic sarcoma (HS) before, I got it checked out by our local vet in the UK. They didn't seem unduly worried, but we opted to have it removed anyway and sent off to the pathology lab. 10 days later we got a devastating call saying it was 80% chance HS. He had only just turned 4.

This happened just before Easter hols, and we opted to get referred, however our local referral centre couldn't see us for another 10 days, so after Easter we decided to take him further afield to Fitzpatricks referrals who got us in within 24 hours. Knowing HS as we do and how little time you have, we felt this was better. They scanned him and all looked OK internally - no spread they could see. They wanted to get the sample retested using their lab but this could take three weeks because they had to request for it etc . Three long weeks later, I chased up and it seemed our local path lab hadn't sent it as requested but had done an internal review whereby 8 of the pathologists felt the lump was benign, 1 didn't, but because of the breed they had gone for a majority vote of HS!. Anyway, we eventually got it sent off but wold have to wait anther 2 weeks.

Meanwhile my older boy had had intermittent lameness for over a year. Started with a split nail and infected nail bed. Had him xrayed back in July last year because i was worried it was going on and the short course of antibiotics they had used didn't seem to cure it. Xray came back clear. Started a different set of antibiotics for longer - seemed to work. Then came back lame again. Now Arty is tricky because he doesn't do pain well but also sometimes would present hopping lame but then you watch him outside when he thinks your not looking and he's putting weight on it. Anyway, this rumbled on - they changed antibiotic which still had some affect but it came back after a number of weeks. Chat to vets and we decide perhaps its oesteoarthirtis as he did show a little calcification in his xray. We managed it with some NSAID occasionally and everything was going well.

Fast forward to the last 5 weeks or so - when all was happening with Yogi, Arty became really lame again and wouldn't put any weight on front leg. Tried changing his NSAID which worked for a few days, then back to square one. Added in paracetamol but after another 5 days no real change. Opted to have him xrayed again, using the orthopaedic specialist at our local vets who also did a bit more of a physical exam on him - came back with no tumour but signs of bicepital tensynovitis (bicep tendon injury). They gave him a steroid injection into joint and mentioned that he may need another one for it to have any effect. It had no effect so he was referred - this was a week ago last Friday.

On that Friday we took him up, they did a physical exam and said they had felt a slight thickening at his elbow joint, but his history didn't really tally. We left him up there overnight as they did a CT scan. On the way home we received a call to say that they had found a tumour in his elbow joint which looked nasty - either HS or oesteo sarcoma, but they would call back with pathology later and also the report of the CT body scan they had done upon finding the tumour. Devastating doesn't describe it really. About half an hour later we get a call from Yogi's vet saying he was in the clear (so very grateful, but bittersweet) and then another half hour later news that Arty had HS confirmed but it was localised at this point.

Last week we spoke to the Oncologist for Arty and our options weren't great - nothing is with this disease. Amputation and chemo or nothing. They felt they could't contain the pain with drugs alone and the other option was euthanasia.

Can't describe how I feel just now.

We opted for amputation on Friday just gone (1 week after scan - which scares me a bit knowing how fast this disease spreads). Op went 'according to plan'. We picked him up on Sunday.

The last couple of days have been pretty traumatic. Arty hasn't eaten a great deal - he wasn't eating massively before the op. He's a fussy eater anyway and I guess the pain he was in was pretty awful. We have managed to get some steak, sausages and chicken in him over the last couple of days. He was very whingey (but he is always like this after any anaesthetic). I also think he was suffering from some phantom limb pain as he was very sensitive to anything - even me pulling a loose bit of fur out of him. This in turn is making him pretty anxious.

He had a better night last night - seems more settled and quiet today - he hasn't eaten anything yet. I am worried he is now really flat - is that the cancer or the op? Logic would say he's had such a big ordeal but you hear everyone say, he'll bounce back, he won't be in pain anymore etc etc, and I'm just so worried because I don't know whether I've put him through something he perhaps can't deal with and made whatever time he had left, worse. I don't really know what to expect. All I keep thinking about is had the cancer spread already before the op - even in that one week. That might seem illogical, but my experience tells me otherwise - I saw visible  tumours grow everyday in my last bernese who had it.

I said it was long! So sorry, but just a bit of a mess at the moment. Probably exhausted emotionally as well. Trying to breathe and think logically, but its difficult when your not sure what is driving what and now question your decisions.

Thank you for listening.