Thanks for all your nice words...  I feel like I found a place that I can talk about the upcoming scary decisions! 

Well, we went to the Oncologist today!  I loved seeing all my friends again.  Everyone that was there for me through my lymphoma came in the room half smiling to see me and half sad to see me.  I actually had a great day because I was treated like a queen! 

First things first, my mom and I decided to run some tests.  First, an radiologist is going to look at my x-rays...  I guess my chest x-ray is most important to see if things have already started to spread.  Then they are doing some blood work... I don't remember exactly what they were testing for, but it is something found in my blood that will assist in answering how well I will do with any sort of treatment.  Thirdly, and perhaps most important, they did another biopsy of my lymph mode to see it the lymphoma is still in remission.  Once we have the answer to these questions, perhaps the answer to what we do next will be a bit clearer.

So, my doctor looked through all my history again from my previous chemo treatment to see if I was sick with chemo before... Nope....  I went through chemo before with basically no ickyness.  Also, she watched me walk to see that I have already figured out how to walk and balance on three paws, so it looks good for perhaps dealing with being a tripawd, despite my chubbiness.  I still haven't gotten used to the tripaws word yet. 

So, my choices are nothing, pain treatments only, amputation and chemo, or amputation and radiation.  Since I did so well on chemo before, if we go the route of amputation, chemo seems like the best choice. Plus, there is a chemo that is used for osteosarcoma and lymphoma, so that would be our best route just in case. 

Now we have to wait for the tests to come back. 

Thanks for all your support...  until later! 

Jasmine and Mom

So, of course I was up all night last night thinking about the options.  I know I don't have the results yet, but I can't help it! 

I have some scary, but realistic questions.... 

If I decide to do the amputation, what can I expect when she gets home.  I have been reading all the posts and have seen that she will need help going outside for a good couple of days, but also reading the posts it looks like most dogs surprise their pawrents with their amazing ways of adjusting to the circustances.  What I have not seen is any information on what "wound care" will be needed by me and the vet to ensure things heal.  I have a hard time putting cleaning  little cut on Jaz, let alone having to clean a huge wound.  What should I expect? 

Has anyone found any possibilities of getting any monetary assistance for the treatment?  I am looking through my finances and it is grim. 

Also, a wrench in the decision...  I have a vacation planned in December for 3 weeks, then I am home for a week, then I go to California for X-mas for a week.  I have been looking into if I can cancel my trip and what costs would be associated.  It doesn't look good.  I have been going through a lot of hard things recently, Jaz's condition definitely one of them and I planned this vacation to give me a break from it all and to get a grip on myself again and to snap me out of my ickiness.  Almost 2 years ago, shortly after Jasmine was diagnosed with lymphoma, there was a fire in my house cause by some sort of electrical problem.  My dog Shadow and cat Sammy were in the house and did not make it.  I was so thankful that I had Jasmine was with me through the horrible situation.  We have been through a lot and I have been struggling day by day with everything.  The trip to Costa Rica was going to be a way to try to get away from the sadness to get back to me.  Now, I see that break may not be possible and I have an even heavier weight on my shoulders with Jasmine being sick again.  I have a great camp for her, with an owner that takes care of sick dogs all the time during the day while their pawrents are at work.  She has given me tons of encouragement that she is capable of being their for Jasmine in every sense.  We discussed with my vet that if the results come back positive that we could be looking at surgery next week.  That would give me one month to work with her prior to possibly having to leave her for 3 weeks.  Is this even realistic?  Am I just horrible for putting her through this and not being there for her?

As I write this, I horrified by how selfish I am sounding.  This whole situation is just horrifying.  Any decision I make I am going to wonder "what if" and potentially have regrets and guilt for either going through with treament of not going through with it.  I just don't know how to get past these fealings to make the best decision for Jasmine. 

Erika

Well, I got the test results back about an hour ago...  it is not ostiosarcoma, but the lymphoma is back.  It is in its earliest stages, but it is back.  There is a possibility that chemo would put her back in remission again, but the chances are a lot smaller than the first time and if she does go back in remission, it is likely that it will be only for a short time like 6 months, maybe a little more.  If we went through with the amputation and the chemo, it could help things a little, but being that she is fighting the bone cancer and the lymphoma at the same time, it would not be she would not have that great of chances.

I am just devastated....  it looks like the best thing for her would be to let things take its course and try to make her feel as comfortable as she can be.  She has been through so much already... I can't believe she has to go through this all over again. 

Sad mommy and Jasmine