So sorry I have not written in over a week.  My husband an I were on vacation in Ireland.  Bad timing with everything going on with Nilla, but we're glad we went.  Beautiful country, wonderful people, food, music, and drink.  I highly recommend a visit to the Emerald Isle.  

Things with Nilla are not so great, and we opted to make some medical decisions that may have been made out of our own selfishness for wanting to keep her around.  Right before we left for Ireland we had an appointment with the oncologist, at which time Nilla had completely stopped eating for 5 days.  Because Nilla had had a history of inappetance prior to the MCT and amputation, the vet suspected something else going on, and possibly the MCT having spread.  We could not start Nilla on steroids at that time because her open stitch wound had not yet completely healed.  We explored all of our option, and ultimately we chose to do an endoscopy, a colonoscopy, a liver biopsy, and to have a feeding tube inserted.  Nilla was discharged to us one day before we were scheduled to leave for Ireland, and if I had purchased trip insurance, I am certain I would have cancelled the trip.  

In the end, my sister-in-law, who had so lovingly volunteered to watch Nilla while we were away, ended up bringing her back to Cornell on the second day of our trip because she just could not handle the round-the-clock care Nilla needed.  Nilla ended up being medically boarded at Cornell during for the duration of our vacation.  Expensive, but at least she was in good hands  

The positive outcome to the testing is that no signs of cancer were found!!!  Nilla was found to have a moderate case of Irritable Bowel Disease in her intestines, gastritis in her stomach, and abnormalities in her liver which appear to be medication and age related.  She was started on steroids about 6 days ago, and is expected to remain on them for at least one month.  With the feeding tube, we are able to insert pureed dog food and medication, so she is getting calories and nutrition.  She is still able to eat on her own if she chooses to, and 6 days into the steroid meds, Nilla is opting to eat a little bit of kibble during the day (between 3/4 - 1 1/4 cups total), but I am having to continue to supplement with the tube feedings.  Caring for Nilla these days is like caring for my children when they were babies -- timed feedings, having to prepare the syringes (they are 2 oz syringes and she is taking up to 8 1/2 oz per feeding), warming up the pre-pureed dog food, sanitizing the syringes after each use, etc. etc. etc.  The ultimate goal is to have Nilla eating on her own again, but there is the chance that she will not, in which case she will be dependent on us for nutrition for the remainder of her life, however long that may be.  We fluctuate between thinking we did the right thing and thinking we made a selfish decision.  But we had no way of knowing that after amputation she would stop eating, and we just didn't think it was right to have beat cancer and then let her starve to death. 

One of the negative side effects of the steroid medication is that it can cause muscle weakness.  Since being on the steroids, although she is now eating a little, we are also seeing times that her rear leg is weak and cannot hold her up straight, while there are other times that she seems strong and hops around without a problem.  Stairs are still really hard for her, especially full staircases that contain 12 or so stairs.  There are times that it seems more humane to carry her up and down stairs, rather than make her exert herself to hop up or down.  

Luckily this week and next week I am able to bring her to work with me (I am an administrator at a school and the students don't return until after Labor Day).  What has been great about this is that I am able to see her interact with strangers and explore new spaces; while she is doing that I sit back and see my old curious, social, playful, and problem-solving dog and think YES, we did the right thing.  But then we get to my office and she rejects water and food, and starts to show all of these medication side effects (trembling, agitation, jaw smacking), and I wonder if her quality of life will ever improve.  

If you're still with me, thank you for reading and letting me get my thoughts and feelings down.  I have obviously become completely self-obsessed with Nilla these days, and I think my friends and co-workers are tired of listening to my Nilla woes, anxieties, and little successes.  

Jill

Thank you all for your support and kind words.  We see improvement in Nilla each day.  Yesterday she actually ate two kibble meals and I did not need to give her an evening tube feeding!!  She also shocked/scared me when I returned to my office after a meeting and could not find her anywhere!!  My office is on the second floor of my school.  I ran in and out of empty classrooms looking for her, until I finally went to the ground floor and found her happily sprawled out in the lobby.  She actually went down two flights of slippery non-carpeted stairs completely on her own!!!  The little pup has been holding out on me!  At the end of the day when it was time to go home I did not even hold her harness handle to assist her down the stairs.  Now that I know she can do them, I just walked on ahead of her and verbally encouraged her to join me at the bottom.  And she did!!  I was one proud mommy.

I've been taking advantage of Nilla's tripawdness and the fact that she has a feeding tube sticking out of her side and a brightly colored bandage wrapped around her lower quarter to keep the tube in place.  I had some errands to run on my way home from work, and rather than leave her in a hot car with windows open, or leave the car running for her, I opted to take her into some stores with me.  Granted, they were local mom-and-pop shops (a fish market, a vacuum cleaner repair store), but when they took one look at my three-legged dog with tubes sticking out of her, they couldn't refuse letting me bring her in.  Tee hee!! As Nilla (and my other dog Eileen) are former breeding dogs for a Guiding Eyes for the Blind Agency, I have always been very protective of the term "Therapy Dog" or "Working Dog", and I personally find it in poor taste when people write away online to get permission to have their dog deemed a therapy dog in order to take them places with them.  Dogs that truly earn the vest have gone through tremendous training and serve a life-line purpose, so I would never take advantage of the title of therapy dog in order to have my dogs come places with me.  Nevertheless, I was very appreciative of the store owners who let me bring my obviously "handicapped" dog into their stores, and of course they showered Nilla with tons of praise and attention (she is very well trained and very well behaved in public).  

We see the internal medicine doctor today and hopefully she will be pleased with the progression of Nilla's healing and eating.  

Jill