Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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A short and sad update from Leyla. She had less and less desire to walk. Her hind legs sometimes collapsed, especially if she were excited. Since last week she did not want to go outside the house. I had to force her to go outside, additionaly she weared diapers. Her mastcelltumor on the neck has grown very big. She had no interest in her chewing-toys anymore. The vet said it is better to put her to sleep. So I made an appointment for tuesday morning. Last weekend she did so bad that I thought she will probably not be able to walk anymore. I gave her some cortisonpills which left over from summer. I could not sleep the night from monday to tuesday. And as the night has gone she suddenly jumped around, played with her toys and seemed to be happy. So I wondered if I should quit the date for euthanasia.
But my emotional power to handle this whole situation was slowly at the end.
The vet said, maybe the tumor could burst and this could be an emergency. Maybe cortison could help her for some weeks or months, but the destruction of her body would not be stopped. I did not want to see my girl slowly dying.
So I decided to end her life even if she did not want to die that day. But now it is much harder than I thought it would be.
I miss her so much, I can not sleep and eat anymore. When will this pain stop? I have lost many animals (and humans, too) but I never had such cold and empty feeling like this.
Maybe I should have cancel the date for euthanasia after she was so happy that morning. But her condition made me so desparate.
Ohhhh our dear sweet Leyla. We all fell in love with her from day one.♥️
Our hearts break with yours. We know the bond, the deep, deep loving bond you two shared. Everything you ever did was with Leyla' best interest. And you did do EVERYTHING possible for her. More than many.
And when it came time to release her from her body that was failing her (and it was failing her), she knew you loved her enough to do that.
We all second guess our timing when it comes to release. It's what humans do. Too soon? Too late? Doesn't matter, we always second guess it.
One thing we see here sooooo often.....dogs will give us a good memory, a good experience to remember, before they transition. And Leyla gave you that happy memory to hild onto not. Not an emergency crisis, not a painful horrible time. And I'm afraid a crisis was lurking in her near future. She perked up, she knew her earthly battle would soon be over and she was excited to be free AND to know you would be okay if she jumped out of her earth clothes and ran free and healthy and in all four to The Rainbow Bridge. So yes, we can all say it is better to go a day too soon than a day too late. Dogs agree. So take that hapoy memory as her gift to you....not one to second guess or regret......but rather one to be grate that you have♥️.
I want to come back in a bit, but just wanted to post one of my favorite pictures of her eyeing her birthday meal
(((((((((Hugs)))))))))
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
((((hugs))) I'm really, really sorry. She meant the world to you and we understand how hard it is to reach this point together. My heart and condolences go out to you. I wish I could help take the pain away.
Leyla needed you to be strong, and help her soul transition. And you did. She is so proud that you put aside your grief and reluctance in order to make sure she didn't suffer. When she got up and started acting happy just before you said goodbye, that was her telling you "Mom, thank you! I can't wait until I can do my happy dance all the time forever and ever!" Your bravery allowed her to leave her broken body and move to a higher existence. Her beautiful energy is surrounding you with love, and happy memories right now. In time you will feel it. I know you will. For now, be good to yourself. This is a difficult time but I promise, you did the right thing for her. Please know that OK?
I love the photo Sally shared! Do you have any others you'd like to post? We would love to see Leyla's life with you and celebrate the incredible bond you shared.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
Thank you both so much für your kind words. I wish I could believe in an immortal soul, but I can't. Even though I still talk to her, pretending that she is here. Only the traces of her love are still in my heart.
I made some pictures at her last day, but I quickly put them aside not to see them now.
Also I put most of her things aside, cleaned them and put them in boxes.
As my cat died two years ago, I had no doubt. Suddenly he broke down, just wanted to sleep and did not want to eat and drink anymore. So the decision was easy. He made it easy for me. It did not feel as if I had to tear him out of life.
But now I have stolen some days of life because I did not want to see her condition getting worse and did not want to force her to go outside anymore. I had already prepared for the appointment and internally said goodbye. I kept all the arguments in mind and that the tumor can burst. I watched videos about euthanasia and dying dogs the whole night. And then she stands there and is happy, jumping, tailwagging, to show everyone that she is not ready to die. A roller coaster of emotions which I could not stand anymore. Of course I did not want her to suffer, but I made this decision also for me. Maybe it was the right decision, but it doesn't feel right.
It's OK, you can still talk to her because as you already know, her love is in your heart, always.
You are totally normal feeling the way you do. We have the power to end our pet's suffering in a gentle and compassionate way, yet it takes so much out of us emotionally to do it. And the flood of emotions that follows later is overwhelming.
If it's any comfort, know that many dogs will do exactly what Leyla did during their last hours. That isn't uncommon at all. Our own Jerry did the same thing at the vet, and we questioned our decision that day. This was even though we knew he was at 10% lung capcacity and he would not get any better, only worse, and we would be forced to say goodbye in a terrible situation. We didn't want to remember him that way. But eventually we came to accept that he perked up because feeling our relief that we were going to set him free. He was sharing his joy with us that for the first time in a very long time, we were all in the same heart space. And our last memories of him were good ones. Just like your memory of Leyla that day, it's how she wanted you to remember her.
Process how you need to process, and know that you are not alone.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
Jerry said it perfectly.
But eventually we came to accept that he perked up because feeling our relief that we were going to set him free. He was sharing his joy with us that for the first time in a very long time, we were all in the same heart space. And our last memories of him were good ones. Just like your memory of Leyla that day, it's how she wanted you to remember her.
Process how you need to process, and know that you are not alone.
Not wainting to see Leyla get worse is exactly what she would expect from you. You prevented her from getting worse, from losing her dignity. You already saw what it looked like the days prior when she was ready to be released. She showed you she was ready and didn't need to get a couple more "good days (not sure ot was possible anyway), just to start the inevitable downward spiral again.The "right" decision was made for her.
Almost all of us here understand EXACTLY how regret and guilt mess with your emotions when going thru the "grief process"....and it is a process that each individual goes thru in their own way at their own pace.. Doesn't make it easier. Jist let's you knownyou are not alone in those feelings.
Hugs
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
At least I can eat something now, but I can't sleep properly. Was that the case for you too, is that normal?
I sleep for an hour, wake up and it feels like 8 hours. Then I can no longer sleep. After a few hours I fall asleep again, sleep an hour again, wake up, can`t sleep, etc.
Yes, it's totally normal. Everything about your life is different now and losing sleep is something I think we can all relate to here. Do your best to get enough fresh air and exercise you enjoy doing during the day so that your body will be so tired at night it will naturally fall asleep and stay there. Also, if you don't already, learning to meditate can be very helpful, it's what works for me when my mind is spinning out of control.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
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