Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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Tomorrow is two weeks since we said good-bye to Abbey. I intended to post at that time but my mind is so full of things I need to say that I decided to write today. Thank you for listening. Very few people ask me how I'm doing and I need to talk. It's not that people don't care or have forgotten that I'm grieving her loss, I think they just don't want to upset me. It makes them uncomfortable. I understand that and it makes me all the more grateful to be able to pour out my thoughts here.
When we got Abbey's ashes back, there was a certificate authenticating that these were indeed her remains and no one else's. They tagged her with a numbered "dog tag" which went thru the cremation process with her. The certificate said she was cremated the same day she died which I questioned since my vet said they use a private company. They affirmed that the Treasured Paws Inc picked her up that same afternoon. All this to say I was so happy that the sun did not even set and she was already cremated that day. She did not lay in a freezer for days on end like some do. I know these are very morbid thoughts but it was really important to me. I also know she is not there, but these are the remains of her little body I loved and cared for and I keep the box on her bed, at my bedside. I don't know how long I will have this little shrine of photos and toys, but it brings me comfort for now.
I find myself talking out loud to her ~ all my "dog chatter." You know what I mean. I also let myself "see" her in familiar places and I imagine her running circles and throwing her toys in the air like she always did. When my mind goes to those last minutes, I don't linger long. I prefer to see her strong and healhty and happy, running and smiling. I have to make the choice to visualize her as alive and in her prime and I believe it is true. The spiritual world surely parallels this physical world. We cannot see with these eyes, but it is real just the same.
I also notice feelings of guilt trying to creep in if I didn't cry "enough" for her one day, which is ridiculous. I tell myself she'd much rather I be happy. Grief is weird. They say there are several steps we go through til we finally reach "acceptance." I'm not sure what those steps are.
In an odd way, there is some sense of relief because the dread of putting her down is past. Thinking about it was actually worse than the reality of it. God's Grace really does come when you need it and ask Him for it. I didn't faint or throw up or attack the vet like my imagination considered. When it's time, you just know it's best and desire release for your precious friend. There is also freedom from hurrying home to be with her. For months, I didn't leave Abbey for a minute longer than my work required. It was almost as heart-wrenching as leaving young children when I went to work~ I would have preferred to be home. I love my work though and am grateful now to not be at home all the time.
I know I will get another puppy but I don't know when. I've heard some people say they waited too long and never did get another. I don't want that to happen, but I am not ready for the responsibility and intensity a puppy requires yet. I've considered a rescue dog that is a year old or so. I've also considered a kitten because they don't require as much attention or any training like a dog. I have a 15 yr old cat named Sadie but something about a funny little baby kitty is appealing to me. We think it would be a good thing to do until we are ready to bring a puppy home.
I look online for dogs and cats at the SPCA site for our city but have not gone to visit yet. There are soooo many animals needing homes; it just breaks my heart. There is an underlying thought that this could happen again with my next dog...what are the odds? How many dogs get OS and if I get a smaller dog, does that reduce the odds? I understand it is genetically inclined to be more likely with large breed dogs, 50 lbs+. I also understand that the smaller the dog, the longer the life span. But I don't like little yappy dogs. I like larger, calmer dogs.
The bottom line is if this dreaded disease visits us again, I would not do a thing different, except I'd amputate immediately. We waited 8 weeks after diagnosis but did accupuncture to help control the pain. What I will do differently with my next dog is to feed her a fresh diet all of her life, not just the last 6 mos. They really do enjoy variety just like us and I believe it is so much better for them. These are my random thoughts...Thanks again for listening.
di
hi di! thanx so much for shareing your thoughts with us. i know how hard that can be. and im so sorry for your loss of abbey. but shes in a happy place now. a place that knows NO pain and suffering. dont feel guilty if you dont cry for a day. its normal. when a person is grieveing they dont always cry but they do have this overwhelming feeling of sadness. almost as if you felt you cried so much for your beloved pet that there are no more tears left to shed. you will have your days when you can cry a river and other days you may just sit there with a heavy heart and wonder why your not crying at all. the grieveing process is indeed "wierd".
my dog zeus is in his final stage of OS right now, atleast i think he is. hes very lethargic and can barely walk on his hind legs. his condition has worsened dramaticly in the past few days. its only been a little over a month since he had his front left leg amputated. i didnt expect him to have the symptoms so soon. he also has a cough. i know it wont be long before im feeling the same way you are right now. i think ive cryed many rivers by now since zeus was diagnosed on august 29th. its a terrible feeling to know that cancer has gotten a hold of your dog and there isnt a darn thing we can do about it. i love large breeds also and i too know that they have a greater risk of getting cancer than the little dogs. ive also heard that being spayed and neutered at a young age may also play a role in that.
thanx again for shareing your storey. you came to the right place for support but i think you know that already. i havent been a member for long but i can see how careing people are on tripawds and im so glad i stumbled across this group.
take care and dont be afraid to "dog chatter" out loud 🙂
thinking of you,
-tara&zeus
Dearest Di,
I read you loud and clear; I really know where you are coming from. Isn't it wonderful how we have Tripawds.com as a place to let it all out? You're very brave to have a shrine; I couldn't bear to have anything of Lalla's around for awhile, even photographs of her friends. About the new dog...you know we have Troy now, only 3 months after Lalla left, a period of time many people thought was far too soon. But it kinda went along my line of thought that every dog has its own name worked out already...Troy came along when he needed a home, and we had one to offer him. The right thing always happens at the right time. Don't push yourself. I love your celebration of Abbey's life.
Hi di...thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I really appreciated your sharing how you felt about letting her go - I, too, envision becoming ill and this horrible feeling of guilt and upset and it was very helpful to know that you had a sense of peace knowing that it was her time.
When it's time to welcome another into your heart, you will know. I have a rescue dog, Buddy, also a golden retriever like Zeus and he has brought me so much love and joy and taught me many wonderful lessons. It's a nice avenue to take and extremely fulfilling if you're willing to adopt. They both occupy my same heart in different ways.
I wouldn't do anything different either...it's a good feeling, "Without Regret"...
We're thinking of you during the difficult time.
Love,
Heather and Zeus
Heather and Spirit Zeus - Our life changing journey…from the earth to the heavens…one day at a time…always together
Thank you for this. I am one of those who has a very hard time putting "anything" into words. I'm bad enough at trying to find the right words for condolenses or congratulations - the feelings are there and run deep but I am not able to find the right words to express them. When it comes to my own feelings expression is near impossible. When I need to cry I do it alone, but wish so much I could be like you and put my pain into words and share my memories with others.
This is a process and you are working through things the way you can. There will come a day when you won't have to work at moving on - you just will. I admire your efforts, share in your sorrow and look forward to a happier future for you.
Connie & Radar
Well said Connie 😉
Heather and Spirit Zeus - Our life changing journey…from the earth to the heavens…one day at a time…always together
Oh, di, please keep on rambling!
Kudos to you. You really hit so many of the overwhelming feelings. That awful one of feeling guilty for even acknowledging the feeling of relief. That's a particularly difficult one.
I talk to Maruk's picture daily and am comforted by its and his presence within our house. Just last night, after Maruk has been gone for so long now, his girlfriend, Pixie, chose HIS favorite toy to play with. First time since his passing. What a wonderful surprise...a sense from her that everything is okay. They got that doggie-mind-connection gift, ya know.
Again....please...keep rambling...and thank you!
When you lose a best friend such as your Abbey, it's a sensitive subject. Grief has many stages & depending upon where your at emotionally I think most people feel they don't want to upset you. I feel it's cathartic to talk about it to help with the process of grief. Dealing with a beloved dog that has dealt with cancer we go through so much emotionally especially with our tripawds. I feel losing a animal companion is just as hard as losing a human. The process is just the same. You mourn, your sad and you miss their presence.....
I have lost other fur-babies before. As we know each one has their own personality. Some I've bonded to more then others ,others will forever be in my heart. I know when the time comes no other will ever take his place....
I feel those here in the forum have given our precious pets the best possible. A wonderful home, a loving heart and the best medical care when possible. Last, but not least an easy transition to their final resting place.
To put things into perspective on my daily ride home I see a disturbing site. A homeless man with 3 beautiful shepherds begging for dog food. I drop off some food to help him. These dogs have no shelter, no yard, no medical help. Turning them into a shelter will perhaps seal their fate... So please keep your heart open. When you are ready perhaps a trip to the shelter will make you fall in love all over again. It sounds to me any doggie would be so blessed to have a mommy/paw-rent like you....
Kim & Angel Buster
"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened."
–Anatole France
ROOM IN YOUR HEART
Sorrow fills a barren space;
you close your eyes and see my face
and think of times I made you laugh,
the love we shared, the bond we had,
the special way I needed you -
the friendship shared by just we two.
The day's too quiet, the world seems older,
the wind blows now a little colder.
You gaze into the empty air
and look for me, but I'm not there -
I'm in heaven and I watch you,
and I see the world around you too.
I see little souls wearing fur,
souls who bark and souls who purr
born unwanted and unloved -
I see all this and more above -
I watch them suffer, I see them cry,
I see them lost, I watch them die.
I see unwanted thousands born -
and when they die, nobody mourns.
These little souls wearing fur
(Some who bark and some who purr)
are castaways who - unlike me -
will never know love or security.
A few short months they starve and roam,
Or caged in shelters - nobody takes home.
They're special too (furballs of pleasure),
filled with love and each one, a treasure.
My pain and suffering came to an end,
so don't cry for me, my person, my friend.
But think of the living -
those souls with fur
(some who bark and some who purr) -
And though our bond can't be broken apart,
make room for another in your home and
your heart.
--- Caro Schubert-James ---
Kim & Angel Buster
"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened."
–Anatole France
Thank you ALL for your support and encouragement and tenderness. I cannot tell you how very important you are to me. I am going to frame that poem, Kim!
Grateful for each one of you,
di (Diane Riley)
Kim, that is an incredibly beautiful poem. Thank you.
Diane,
Your willingness to share your true feelings about how you coped with Abbey's passing is so brave, we thank you for taking the step to talk about it with others. At some point, all pawrents and their beloved fur kids will be in the same position, so stories like yours that are shared with others are such a huge help when it comes to preparing for the inevitable. Thank you so much.
As you know, two weeks ago my pawrents also made the agonizing decision to help me move on. For them, adjusting to life without my tail wagging all over the place has been ruff. They've been married almost 12 years, and I was with them for 9 of them.
Mom says that my presence always helped to balance things out, that whenever things got stressful or emotional, all they had to do was look at me, and that I was all that mattered, things usually got instantly better. Now that I'm not physically there for them to cuddle and love during stressful situations, they've had quite a bit of adjusting to do, and have had to re-learn how to count on eachother for balancing things out.
The last couple of days, things have been better for them, and they seem to be smiling more. Perhaps it's that sense of "freedom" that you mentioned, now that they don't have to worry so much about me. They are going on longer walks, bike rides, that sort of thing, and getting to know eachother again, as a couple. Yes, they feel guilty at times.
At first, Mom was terrified about this "freedom." The day after I passed away, she looked at my Dad and said "Well, now what?" She cried a lot, and thought that she wouldn't be able to go on without me. But Dad reminded her all the time that everything I taught her would be for nothing if she didn't find the strength to get up and out of bed and doing things again. So she did, and she feels better.
Mom, being of Mexican descent, is very into altars and shrines and things like that. When she and Dad had a house, Mom had a small altar with mementos and rememberances of deceased friends and family. It makes her feel good to look at them and remember (she likes to celebrate the Day of the Dead holiday, and Dad was born on All Souls Day, November 1st, so they have always been very comfortable when it comes to the topic of death and celebrations of life).
So now that they live in an RV, they can't exactly have an altar like their old one, because it would fall down when they travel! Instead, Mom keeps my bed in the same spot it has always been in. They have my favorite stuffed animals sitting on it: a big froggy, "floppy dog," "travel Barney," and our favorite, a three legged stuffed dog who now wears my collar. The animals sit atop a box containing my ashes.
Mom likes to cuddle the stuffed animals, because they still smell like me and my slobber. And she also has my purple sweater lying on top of her pillow every night. For some weird reason she feels closer to me when she falls asleep on top of it. She thinks that some day she'll either turn the sweater into a pillow cover, or just put it in a little memento box with some of my things.
Sometimes Mom and Dad will jingle the tags on my collar. At first that sound made them sad. But then they started to remember all of the good times they heard my tags jingling, like when we hiked, or when I shook off water after swimming, or in the middle of the night when I'd scratch and they'd yell "Shadddup!" 
People have asked us if they will "get" another dog. Mom and Dad both agree that this will not happen at least until they find the property the three of us always dreamed about, and I can be permanently set free on my own spot of land.
Now, if a big ol' three legged dog hops into their life unexpectedly before they find our land, well, who knows what might happen!
So, as you're well aware of, grieving is different for everyone. It's all a process, but as long as you're able to talk about your feelings and be honest with those you care about, all of you will all get to that "acceptance" stage eventually.
It's so cool that Tripawds has such a great community, and that humans have someone to talk to, to lean on, to understand what they are going through. Thank you to everyone for being there for eachother. You make the world a brighter place.
xoxo
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
Thank you but I wouldn't call it brave; it's just a great outlet to be able to express how I feel...but I'm glad if it helps someone else. Honestly, this has been more difficult than my dad's death two years ago. I think it's because our fur babies look to us for everything and totally trust us. The "trump card" of euthanasia is always hanging over you whereas with people, death comes at their appointed time plus people reason and understand what is going on (most of the time). Our pets do not, or at least we think they don't. Maybe they do. The last two weeks with Abbey, I was feeling like ET and Elliott, so connected that it hurt and I kept asking "when and how will I know that's it's time?" But I did know when it was time and still stand by our decision. Also, I had to consciously choose to believe that she is even more connected to the One who made her, she is HIS, though I love her with everything I have, it's not equal. I had to allow that connection to be first place, over her connection to my heart. I hope that makes sense. We had the privilege and joy of sharing life with her. That's how I look at it now.
On a lighter note, I love that you jingle Jerry's tags and sleep with his sweater! How many Barney's does he have? One of my favorite photos in the gallery is the one where he is just surrounded by them.
love, joy, peace~ di
Mom says you're right; coping with our furry friend's passing can be much harder than coping with a human's. Dogs just know how to give unconditional love; with a human, there are all these psychological issues/baggage/etc. that need to get dealt with as well as the grieving. When a beloved dog passes away, it's just pure grief, which seems like the hardest of all.
Your comments about Abbey being more connected to God than to you is very true and yes it does make sense. When all is said and done, no matter how much it hurts, we are all part of the greater force in the universe that created us, and we must all go back there evenutally, some sooner than others unfortunately. Wherever "there" is...it can be many things to different people...the Rainbow Bridge being one.
How many Barneys....hard to guess, that's how many! Talking Barneys, mini Barneys, you name it. Mom and Dad never planned it that way, they just realized that one day I really love to roughhouse with that purple creature, but not destroy it, so they started getting them for me. Yeah, we have a collection going on.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
I have had the same feelings you are sharing. I have thought recently about getting a puppy, and even looked online at some sites and viewed puppies that are adoptable. However, I still keep strongly remembering Ben on certain occasions when something reminds me of him. I don't want to keep dwelling on the past, but I also don't think I am ready for a puppy yet. I have come to the conclusion that I need more time, and when I am ready for another dog, I will know it.
Yes, the time will come when you know. For me, I found myself thinking of names the whole 30 min circuit of weights at the gym one day. We want to honor Abbey's memory by saying "it was so good, we want to open our hearts again." So we are! We have decided to get a Border Collie puppy in mid December. Timing is different for everyone just as grieving is different for everyone. It's very personal.
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