Thank you all so much for your kind words of support and wisdom. I have been meaning to log on and reply but haven't been up to it. But I have been reading all the lovely posts here and on Facebook and I've been very grateful for the love and support.

As expected, it has been an incredibly difficult time. But I'm just going with it as I don't need to add the stress of 'holding it altogether' to what I am dealing with right now.

Her dog bowl is still on the bench and that is ok. But I had to move her go bed and I pulled up all the 'temporary' carpet runners I put down nearly a year ago! It's odd what is ok and what isn't. I have put her dog blanket on my bed. The house is so quiet ... but I'm taking this time to just be quiet with her memories. I probably sound like I have it altogether somewhat - but I don't feel like that.

But I have to say I have been truly touched by the kindness of strangers, acquaintances and friends. Even those who did not really know Peda well have still be touched by her passing. My boss gave me a great big bear hug today and had tears in his eyes as we sat and talked a little (I called by work for a few hours to sort some things). And lots of people have acknowledged that it must be a sad and difficult time - which in its own odd way is reassuring. It's alright to say it is hard or sad, without having to hold it in and say 'it's fine'. Because really it is anything but fine.

I do have to keep perspective though that she was a senior dog and her time here was becoming shorter anyway, regardless of the cancer. I am just sad that is was this awful disease that she had to deal with in her twilight years!

Her wonderful vet said in an email to me that she was such a precious soul had to be shared around as much as possible and it would have been great to keep her here on this planet for at least 50 years! That was very heartwarming. She was my heart dog for a quarter of my life - and I thank her so much for everything she taught me and showed me.

I'm hoping, in the next little while of quiet time, to find a way to keep her legacy going. I have no idea in what shape or form that will happen, but I trust the right thing will come along.

Again thank you for your kindness, support and strength. I hope to keep being part of this community for some time to come - we both learnt so much on this journey and that knowledge is important to share -and to hopefully to be able to give back to this community some of the support and guidance we received.

Kirsty