I've had dogs all of my life. For as long as I can remember, there's always been a dog (or 3) in the household. When I was growing up, I had a mixed-breed weiner-dog (I have no idea what he was) who was a total companion, but I never really experienced what it meant to be a dogs human until I got Nikki. I am not sure exactly how or even why (and besides, who are we to question this?) Nikki and I bonded the way that we did, but she was without a doubt my dog and I was her human. I travel a fair amount for my work, and Nikki had gotten to the point where she knew what "the bad thing" (my suitcase) meant, and would start moping as soon as it came out of the closet. All would be forgiven of course as soon as got home. No matter what, Nikki was always the first one to greet me when I came through the door, and even after her surgery where she couldn't reach up anymore, she would insist on me bending down to her level so she could kiss my face. I could go on forever with stories about Nikki and how much I love(d) that dog, but suffice it say that even though I had more than 14 months to prepare for it, her loss was simply devastating to me..

Mary and I made the decision to bring a new puppy into the house well before we lost Nikki (We've always had 3 dogs, and had recently lost our rescue Buddy, and then we lost Tilley), but the plan was to wait until Spring so we didn't deal with the "winter gunk" with the puppy (Don't like the mud, etc that gets tracked into the house - much prefer having a green lawn for the puppy to play on outside). 2 days before we lost Nikki, we picked out Max (he was 4 weeks old at the time). I admit that I wasn't too sure of the plan, and during that first visit didn't really go away feeling that we had picked a puppy. That all changed when we went for a visit when Max was 6 weeks old. For whatever reason he decided that he liked me during that visit, and after a few puppy kisses he sold me.

Before we brought Max home, I struggled with the idea that it was less than a month ago that we lost Nikki, and isn't a new puppy going to be somewhat disrespectful to her memory. Then of course I'd think about the awesome strength and courage that she would show throughout her cancer ordeal, and think that being sad over her loss was more disrespectful. Nikki had a presence that defied explanation, but everyone that met her understood... I have come to the conclusion that even though she's physically gone, the presence that she leaves behind is still very powerful and I don't think a new puppy will diminish that anytime soon.

We brought Max home Easter Sunday. It's been 3 days now, and he's integrated himself into the family quite well. I've been working from my home office and today I have not been out of Max's site for more than a minute or two. He's been right beside me the entire day. He has a lot of mannerisms that Nikki had, and in some ways it's very hard to look at some of the stuff he does and wonder if maybe Nikki isn't there guiding him. (I suppose that can be a dangerous line of thought, but it's also very hard to explain)

Bottom line - the dogs we love have a gift of being able to live each moment of their lives to the fullest. Everything they do, they do in the moment and for the moment. Bringing a new dog into our lives can't alter the moments that we had with them, and therefore shouldn't be allowed to take away from those memories.. When I think in those terms, I know it's as Nikki would have wanted it.

I posted on this subject when it first appeared in February...almost 5 months after we had to let Chance go (my once-in-a-lifetime dog) and the same week we had decided to visit the local shelter to consider fostering (at that time, I was not convinced I was ready to adopt another family member)...however, my husband saw Penny and the idea of fostering dissipated.

It has now been two months since we adopted Penny, so I thought I would give an update on 'the new dog.'  She was 2 months old when we brought her home, and in the last two months, Penny has wriggled her way into all of our hearts - well, if you exclude her two feline sisters.  I thought I would struggle with feeling disloyal to Chance by welcoming another dog in our home, but it has been the opposite.  My affection for our precious new puppy has not diminished my affection for Chance in any way.  I still miss him and I always will, but having a snuggly new companion beside me has helped us to fondly remember our time with Chance without focusing on the heartbreak of losing him.  We have shown Penny his tribute video a few times as a way to 'introduce her' to her big brother (not that she could actually pay attention due to her puppy ADD!), and his photo (the same one as my avatar) will always be on our wall.  This is not to say there have not been difficult times - I broke down when we were preparing to board Penny for spring break at Chance's favorite daycare/kennel and I had to put her name on the bucket I always used for Chance's food.  The bucket was still labeled with his name and I could not bring myself to cover it up - the bucket has both names on it for now.  I had another break down when I had to finally wash the cover to his bed (which had remained at the foot of our bed since his passing) because the new puppy had an accident on it.  They were both moments that forced me to move forward... 

Penny is not Chance - while she has similar coloring, her floppy ears, long body, short legs, and spunky personality are all uniquely hers.  And I have realized that we can appreciate their differences and love them BOTH.  Having Penny in our family has reminded me that there will always be dogs who need a loving home, and our home will always be one that needs the unconditional love of a dog.  I still enjoy reliving the many amazing adventures we shared with Chance during our decade together, but I am also looking forward to the moments we will be able to share with Penny (shown below)...and I think her big brother would approve.   🙂