Otis was 120 pounds of pure joy and happiness. To know Otis was to love Otis. He turned skeptics into dog lovers and I'm so thankful he shared his short life with me. 

I posted some pictures on Facebook/ Instagram with this caption: "The bond with a dog is as lasting as the ties of this earth can ever be." I will love and miss Otis every single day. 50% Anatolian Shepherd, 50% Labrador Retriever, and 100% sweet. He could outrun most everything, even on 3 legs, but he couldn't outrun bone cancer. Champion tripawd for four months, best friend for seven years, and forever in my heart. Otis, you are larger than life. A link to some of the photos I shared in this post are here: Otis' Tripawd Journey

As many of you saw from his running/ sprinting video on our Flickr page, he ROCKED tripawd life. It was such a gift to be given those four extra months with him, and in fairness to him, when he started going downhill, I could not prolong his life. He started not wanting to go on walks a couple of weeks ago, but still seemed happy, playing tug of war with us, eating like a champ, rolling in the grass, and running around the yard like crazy. He greeted all of his friends with great exuberance and was still himself. Mid week last week he started breathing oddly and he would cough and gag like he was throwing up, but nothing would come up. This was very concerning. Friday afternoon he still greeted me at the door with his bone, but Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights he couldn't sleep at all, he couldn't lie down on either side of his body. He was in great distress. Saturday night, he left our deck to go sit on the driveway, in the rain, while we were eating dinner. The regular Otis would be under that table and close by for any and all food drops. Otis also hated the rain. I think that was the moment I knew that I had to make a very hard decision, very soon.  I would find him in the middle of the night standing in the corner of my bedroom, or trying to lie down in parts of the house he never used to sleep in. Sunday during the day one of his best friends came to see him, and he ran to greet her, but otherwise spent most of the day in the yard. It wasn't restful, he would lie down, get him, stand and look confused, and try again in a different spot. This went on all day, and all night. For about an hour on Sunday he finally got a little comfortable inside on my bed and I went and took a nap next to him. I think he was exhausted, and he actually slept enough to have a dream, and his paws were running. That was our last nap together, and I'm so glad I had the presence of mind to lie next to him. I cried into his soft fur, but let him sleep as long as he could stay comfortable. Sunday night was the worst, gagging, pacing, no sleep. Monday morning, he refused to eat. He never even skipped a meal during his recovery from amputation. I called our vet in tears, and we set up an appointment to come in at 11am. 

My parents, who Otis loves, came with me and my fiance. The four of us sat outside under a tree, surrounding Otis while we waited for our appointment. The weather was sunny and breezy, and Otis, despite his panting, seemed ok. We went to an exam room when it was time-- Otis has always loved going to the vet, so he happily hopped inside. He showed off a little for his vet, who he really did like, and ate some chicken, but was otherwise just lying very still on his stomach. We talked about some options, but mostly we talked about how Otis was miserable and my goal from day 1 of diagnosis was to be fair to Otis and to give him the pain free life he deserved. I shared that we had tried to get him comfortable at night with some painkillers, but to no avail. In keeping with that goal, I knew I couldn't take a dog home who could not sleep or eat. Our vet listened to his heart, listened to me, and talked with us about the likelihood of what a chest xray could reveal. 

It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have been a wreck since Friday, but especially since Monday afternoon. I believe, in my heart of hearts, I did the right thing, but the pain of missing Otis makes me question my decision daily, did I give up on him too soon? Was he suffering longer than I knew and hiding it from me? Has Otis forgiven me for the pain he suffered before his diagnosis? All of these crazy questions keep popping into my head. And then, I see him, standing alone, far away in the yard, not knowing what to do, and I am reminded that I had to help him find peace. He was such a special dog and our bond made my entire life feel right. A friend of mine shared with me, after learning of his passing, that she "never understood how strong a bond between a human and a dog could be until she stayed at my house and met Otis." It was one of the sweetest and saddest things someone said to me on Monday. I will treasure Otis for all the days of my life. 

I know this is a long post, but I needed to write it, and, although I'm crying, I want to say to all of you here on Tripawds, you were a great support and comfort to me during Otis' life. I couldn't imagine going through this diagnosis, amputation, and recovery without these compassionate, and knowledgeable people by my side. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

We have started donating Otis' remaining items-- food, treats, heartworm meds, and it feels good to know that Otis continues to spread love, even as he is no longer with us on earth. My fiance took up the traction yoga mats/rubber tiles we had and the dog beds while I cried on Monday. We cleaned all of those things and put them in our basement next to some shelves with dog supplies. We expect we will have another dog at some point, but the pain of losing Otis is too much for me to even think about when that time will be. We would like to give our Vet a thank you gift, which sounds odd, but he did not charge us for our last appointment and he was so compassionate and treated Otis with such gentleness and it brought us some small comfort to have him help us relieve Otis of his suffering. If you have any ideas about how to honor Otis and thank our Vet, please let me know. I'm working from home this week to let myself be as sad as I need to be, but I expect I will be sad for a very long time. 

Love to all of you.