Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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The house is very quiet without our girl. Her larger than life personality resonates in every crevice - hair under the computer table last night, her smell – seemingly everywhere. The wall around her sleeping area is smudged with a discolored tea-rose body print that I would once in awhile try to scrub off while she was with me, but now I cannot.
The greatest argument about faith I heard was from a war veteran friend, who asked me if I thought God existed. Since Lalla’s diagnosis, I told him, no. “Well,” he said “think about this; if you think he doesn’t exist then you have your own alternative.” Since Lalla’s death, I know my alternative well: it is life; it is the unconditional joy of the thing we complain about the most that my dog seized to the last drop of her five years. What right, I think, do I have to complain after her total bravery and commitment to living? So my mourning process eases a bit. I become aware that at times my mourning is displaying itself as self pity – and I stop. Because that’s one thing she never possessed. I will never be as brave and as happy – or as funny – as Lalla. But I have learnt from her to move on to the next best thing.
lalla, moderator said:
...I have learnt from her to move on to the next best thing.
Then she was a great teacher!
That whole mourning thing is just so human, but I can understand how difficult it must be ... What was I saying now? Oh wait, there's a stick I need to go chew.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
For the uncountable number of years in IT, I have witnessed how ugly it could be to have a process trapped in an infinite loop because of a mismanaged subprocess; but once it was identified, no big deal. Just kill the process, fix the stupid bug, let the it rip again. After all, that is a world of only zeros and ones.
For a month, my fuzzy logic mind had been trapped in a very similar fashion, if not worse. There was no way I could get out of the loop, it was chewing up my CPU to exhaustion.
Not too many days ago, a lovely angel came to my rescue, so I could think "out of the box" for a moment, and I cannot thank this kind soul enough.
Now the subprocess still exists, but will be executed every once in a while by my main process in a more controllable, constructive manner.
So what was the fix you might ask?
Strengthened faith, which is all hope based upon.
What a beautiful analogy. Thank you for the comforting words of wisdom. Genie is proud of your realization and strengthened faith.
We're thinking of you, Jessie.
Love,
Jerry
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm not sure what I believe, whether it be God or "the force". Depends what day and time you ask! Even though I know something exists, I also have a hard time fathoming that God would allow such pain and suffering in animals. Humans know better, have free will, and all the stuff that entails. We are capable ( and often do) have habits and practices that can cause cancer, despite knowing better. What did our dogs do other than love us unconditionally? I sound bitter, but I'm saying what I'm sure has been on everyone's mind. They don't deserve the suffering that cancer causes.
I watched both of my dogs be diagnosed with the same cancer within 3 months of each other, and both of them die within 9 months of each other. Blue was so far gone when we found it that she needed to be put down right away. In Taylor's case, it was found what was hoped to be early. We did everything possible to help him, yet the fate was the same. Because I worked at the vet office he was treated in, I was there for EVERYTHING. Helped him wake up from biopsy and amputation surgeries, held him down for chemo IV insertion, you name it. I think that combined with the end result added insult to injury for me as far as the whole "God" thing goes. I still believe in him, but we have issues.
I'm sorry for my long post.. but I've been holding my grief inside for a while, and this one really struck a chord. Most of my relatives and friends won't listen anymore, saying that it's been 5 months, and to get over it. Now that my head is slowly clearing after so much loss, I'm realizing how much of my attitude is selfishness, which none of my dogs, especially those 2, ever had. Even on Taylor's last day of life, while I was bawling my eyes out, he licked my face! Grieving really is a process... a long, tough, and extremely mysterious one.
It's good to get it out...we are here to listen and give you a hug even if it is virtually. I'm so sorry to hear of you losing both Blue and Taylor within such a short amount of time. I hear you, I do and I share your sentiments about them not deserving cancer and the wavering of faith at times and I'm sure that when I'm faced with the inevitable as well, I will also have some issues with the big man upstairs (I was quite nasty to Him the night I received the diagnosis), Life is life and bad things happen to good people all the time for whatever reason, I'm not sure - it's a brainteaser and a heartwrencher. At least for today, I'm able to look at and focus on my blessings. It changes from day to day when one deals with cancer in a loved one I think.
To those that tell us to "get over it", I just walk away...literally...and walk toward someone who understands and has been there. I don't expect everyone to relate and understand my feelings and emotions for my best friend...only animal lovers and those that are willing to walk this journey with our faithful friends can truly understand what we feel and how long it will take to "get over it", though I don't think you ever do get completely over it...eventually I hope we get to acceptance.
Thank you for sharing your grief - I can feel it. It takes a lot of courage to let it out. We're here for you.
Much love and many prayers.
Heather
Heather and Spirit Zeus - Our life changing journey…from the earth to the heavens…one day at a time…always together
Darn it! I should not be reading this at work. Now I am hiding in my cubicle sobbing.
Smeepers, the grieving process is indeed very long. Today is day#106 without Genie, and it seems like forever.
It would have been her 13th birthday this month (her birthday unknown).
It would have been as well her 11-month ampuversary today.
She is not here to celebrate the milestones, but I always will do that in my heart to keep adding the "would have been her ...".
There is a gigantic hole left here which I do not think it can be and will ever be filled. There is not a moment I do not think of her.
As I speak, it is already the third consecutive week this week that I have not been able to pull myself out of the loop.
As you said, no one seems to understand the void, the emptiness, and the grief we feel within, when all of a sudden, all of what we had been doing with our dear friends came to a halt. I still have not got used to all the new routines I attempted to revamp. They are so "unnatural".
The process still has not been as easy as I said before with "my strengthened faith". I have weak moments on and off still.
I do not want to sound preachy nor is this forum is intended for, (I will keep this short) but it is faith which has been carrying me, even though my steps are staggering. I just have to believe that the loving God is providing comfort and care for Genie in Heaven as we speak. Animals are innocent, wild or domestic, they do not deserve to suffer from abuse, illness, death. It is the fallen human race (as you said, with free will) which has brought down the whole creation. Animals do not have choices like us humans have. Instead of me asking, "will I see Genie in Heaven?", I should better ask, "will Genie see me in Heaven?"
Every time I was down, I was able to get back on track with reaffirming my faith. For some reasons, it has been a little challenge for the past little while.
Perhaps, I have been suppressing my grief and sadness deep down in me for quite some time, and that I needed some "trigger" like your post to help me release it. But I am sure this will not be the last time. The grief will gradually build up again, until the dam breaks. Then I will be back to square one again.
Hi Jessie - yeah, I'm reading this at work too while I eat lunch, not the best idea sometimes! Thank you for your wonderful words of wisdom and for sharing your milestones - I know in my heart of hearts that I will do the same exact thing. Today is 5 months exactly since diagnosis and I'm feeling the anguish of that evening despite the fact that Zeus is doing so well today.
You said, "The grief will gradually build up again, until the dam breaks. Then I will be back to square one again."...I don't think we're ever back at square one...life is a journey and sometimes we take steps forward and sometimes we take a few steps back, but we're always moving and hopefully learning some of the lessons along the way that we're supposed to learn. Think about all you have felt and gone through since diagnosis and even since Genie went to heaven. You have come a long way baby. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you allow yourself to grieve. I hope that somewhere in the middle of the pain you have some peace knowing that she is happy and healthy in a better place. It's always harder on us left behind.
Have you thought about working with other cancer dogs to help fill some of the holes in your heart? Not to replace Genie, but it sounds like you have an awful lot of love and compassion that you can offer to others that could use it. You may already be doing something like that...I hope I'm not offending you with my suggestion.
You're in our thoughts and our prayers. Big hug through email.
Heather
Heather and Spirit Zeus - Our life changing journey…from the earth to the heavens…one day at a time…always together
Zeus said:
Have you thought about working with other cancer dogs to help fill some of the holes in your heart? Not to replace Genie, but it sounds like you have an awful lot of love and compassion that you can offer to others that could use it. You may already be doing something like that…I hope I’m not offending you with my suggestion.
Heather
Hey Heather, I appreciate your suggestions, and no, I don't feel offended at all. 🙂
The fact is I am not quite ready yet. It may come.
Hugs to you and to your Zeusy (I like that!)
Jessie
Grief is unique to each and every person and you alone will know when it's time to open your heart again -- I can only imagine how scary that may be. It's wonderful (in a weird sort of way) that you're in touch with yourself and your emotions, so many people are not. Thanks for the hugs, I'll pass them on to my boy.
Love and prayers always.
Heather and Spirit Zeus - Our life changing journey…from the earth to the heavens…one day at a time…always together
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