Well it is 4am here and we had some bad news confirmed by the vet yesterday that I already knew in my heart was going to be the out come so had prepared myself for it and had played it over in my mind on how it was going to happen which in a sense I am so thankful that we got to spend this last night with him, the whole family together in his honour.  My mum, dad, brother, sister, housemate anda really good friend all came together last night and had a family dinner with Koda. Koda enjoyed a smorgosbord of carrots, biscuits and 2 icecreams+cones(which were gone in 10 seconds each).

About 4 weeks ago Koda had another bout of neck pain and this time it lasted 2 weeks with a visit to a second vet who specialises in Chiropractics and Laser therapy.  He is an hour from us however 5 minutes from my work so I would drop him off in the mroning and he would spend the day there relaxing in the aircon and would come out shagging his butt and wagging his tail like a puppy as if there was nothing wrong with him.  Little did we know how much pain he would have been in.

Our brave and stoic boy hid the pain from all of us.  We knew 4 weeks ago he was in pain but then he seemed to recover like he does.  Koda is a front rught amputee and on Friday I left him in the morning and came home later and discovered that his right shoulder wasn't looking normal and was sitting way further out from his body.  We took him to our normal vet and he seemed to think it was soft tissue because Koda wasn't showing hesistance in manipulaton of the limb so he didn't think he was in too much pain.  My heart did not settle and we had decided anyway to start monthly chiropractic and laser therapy treatments so Monday I took him to our new vet for treatment.  The vet wanted a 2 day window off meds (and he wasn't on anything at that point anyway) to see how he went.  It lasted 24 hours and I could tell he was in pain so gave him tramadol and valium as the vet had instructed me too the minute we hit a rough patch.  The rough patch included him not wanting to go up or down our 3 stair and stumbling over his back legs and by yesterday morning he could hardly walk or stand up which happened over night.  Monday he had walked himself in to the vet. So yesterday I rushed him straight to our new vet for Xrays.

The Xrays showed Koda has 3 vetebra in his neck that have well and truely fused together which the vet said that alone would be causing him a world of pain which he hid so well from everyone. He said most dogs would have been screaming by now which warmed my heart that Koda had been so brave and strong for his mummy and daddy

He also had a fairly big shadow (the vet didn't call it bit but I did) about 1.5 inches in diametre over his lung which he said was more than likely a lung met (as Koda would clear his throat occassionally but didn't have the cough symptoms) so he was pretty sure that it was a met.  Then again in his neck one of the vetebra towards the bottom of his neck was not a normal shape and looked "honeycomby" and like there were a few air pockets in there so it was suspicious for a met.

So that brings me to 4am this morning.  Last night I set up a bed out in the lounge room with my boy and will have to go back to him in a second because he has that squeaky crying in his breathing for me to come back to him.  I made a promise to him when he was diagnosed with cancer that the minute he was in pain and there was nothing medically we could do to fix the problem that I would put his needs above mine and be as strong as he has been for me!!!  Today we are going to have to follow through with that promise and my heart breaks as I write this and I can't see the keyboard through the tears but I have had so many signs and I know in my heart Koda has picked this time.

My parents live 4 hours away and yesterday they came down for a 3 day visit so they are here to say goodbye too which I am so thankful Koda got to see his grandparents and get hugs and kisses from them.  I have always been in close contact with Koda's breeder who is a member of Labradors QLD and she has become a dear friend to us since.  Her dogs are like one big family to her and she has the best post sale service I have ever come across for all her litters.  She told us when we got Koda, if we go overseas to ring her and he could visit with them till we came home, if we ever renovated or for some reason couldn't have him at home for a period then she would look after him till we could take him back and she is the Rescue contact for Labradors QLD Assc so is constantly rescuing other labradors.  This woman deserves a medal!!!  So last night she returned my call and was already balling with tears and we had started chatting and she said to me "You will never believe what has happened Storm but an Owl has sat right beside me on the fence and we have lived here for 2.5 years and never seen one at this house (they live out outside of the city)" She said it is looking straight at me and it is almost very spooky right now. We both took it as a sign and and then cried more tears.  She is racing down tomorrow morning to be with Koda and I. 

So I have had my signs, not that it makes it any easier but it helps to reassure me that we have done everything we can and now it is our turn to be brave for our boy! 

Storm