We put our beloved, 12-year-old border collie mix Loki to sleep a week ago today. A cytology on a new lump came back after he died, but pointed to likely hemangiosarcoma, one of the most aggressive and deadly dog cancers.

We had a regular oncology check up a few days before that painful decision day, moved a month early to check out that lump and his general health decline. In late March 2024, his previous latest check up and abdominal ultrasound, he was "perfect." (You love hearing that from an oncologist, especially about your dear pup!)

This late July check up, however, revealed 4-6 variable size (up to 3 cm) nodules on his spleen. And the new lump on his back, under a microscope, looked cancerous to his oncologist, so we sent that to cytology. We opted not to get a cytology on the spleen nodules or pursue spleen removal -- too risky of rupture to us.

His oncologist sent us home with some Yunnan Baiyao, Traditional Chinese Medicine to help with internal bleeding and pain. I think it helped let his last few days be more comfortable. She also suggested, and these words feel like a touchstone, "Let Loki be Loki." Because although he had a new cancer and needed wheels to move independently, he was still his joyful, curious self.

His health rapidly declined, however, over the next day or so, and he continued to be weak in the rear leg, with progressive weakness in his front, beefy legs. In consultation with his regular vet that Monday morning, we made the painful decision to put him to sleep, so she came back that night for his last appointment. After she left, he began having blood clots in his urine, signs of internal bleeding already happening.

Still, to the last day, he had that fiery spirit in him. He didn't sleep more than a few minutes on his last day even with sedatives and pain meds, so we carried him wherever he wanted and gave him all the love. He ate everything he wanted and still wanted more (a blessing that his gastrointestinal system hadn't been impacted yet! he had two good, healthy poops on the day he died!), and wagon rides around the neighborhood on a rare cool July day, sniffing and getting pets and greetings. He jumped out intermittently, and even walked us at times (with my spouse or my support), leading the way home.

We were so fortunate to be able to give him that last gift of a peaceful death, surrounded in love.

And fortunate especially learning more about hemangiosarcoma, which is a blood vessel cancer that, when visceral, often spreads rapidly and widely. To me, the cancer finally better explained why, despite our best efforts, physical therapy was largely not improving his recent mobility decline -- we were treating terminal cancer with PT. 

I am in the midst of mourning his loss, and am filled with gratitude at the life we could give him, and the joy he gave to us every day of his life. I am also immensely grateful for all of the support from this community during his tripawd time. It was a source of comfort, excellent ideas, solidarity, encouragement, and fun.

To all of our beloved tripawds, we are made better humans by your presence in our lives, just you being your wonderful selves.