Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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We put our beloved, 12-year-old border collie mix Loki to sleep a week ago today. A cytology on a new lump came back after he died, but pointed to likely hemangiosarcoma, one of the most aggressive and deadly dog cancers.
We had a regular oncology check up a few days before that painful decision day, moved a month early to check out that lump and his general health decline. In late March 2024, his previous latest check up and abdominal ultrasound, he was "perfect." (You love hearing that from an oncologist, especially about your dear pup!)
This late July check up, however, revealed 4-6 variable size (up to 3 cm) nodules on his spleen. And the new lump on his back, under a microscope, looked cancerous to his oncologist, so we sent that to cytology. We opted not to get a cytology on the spleen nodules or pursue spleen removal -- too risky of rupture to us.
His oncologist sent us home with some Yunnan Baiyao, Traditional Chinese Medicine to help with internal bleeding and pain. I think it helped let his last few days be more comfortable. She also suggested, and these words feel like a touchstone, "Let Loki be Loki." Because although he had a new cancer and needed wheels to move independently, he was still his joyful, curious self.
His health rapidly declined, however, over the next day or so, and he continued to be weak in the rear leg, with progressive weakness in his front, beefy legs. In consultation with his regular vet that Monday morning, we made the painful decision to put him to sleep, so she came back that night for his last appointment. After she left, he began having blood clots in his urine, signs of internal bleeding already happening.
Still, to the last day, he had that fiery spirit in him. He didn't sleep more than a few minutes on his last day even with sedatives and pain meds, so we carried him wherever he wanted and gave him all the love. He ate everything he wanted and still wanted more (a blessing that his gastrointestinal system hadn't been impacted yet! he had two good, healthy poops on the day he died!), and wagon rides around the neighborhood on a rare cool July day, sniffing and getting pets and greetings. He jumped out intermittently, and even walked us at times (with my spouse or my support), leading the way home.
We were so fortunate to be able to give him that last gift of a peaceful death, surrounded in love.
And fortunate especially learning more about hemangiosarcoma, which is a blood vessel cancer that, when visceral, often spreads rapidly and widely. To me, the cancer finally better explained why, despite our best efforts, physical therapy was largely not improving his recent mobility decline -- we were treating terminal cancer with PT.
I am in the midst of mourning his loss, and am filled with gratitude at the life we could give him, and the joy he gave to us every day of his life. I am also immensely grateful for all of the support from this community during his tripawd time. It was a source of comfort, excellent ideas, solidarity, encouragement, and fun.
To all of our beloved tripawds, we are made better humans by your presence in our lives, just you being your wonderful selves.
Sarah, I'm so sorry for your loss of Loki. Hemangio is one of those seriously crappy diagnoses and a true heartbreaker. I feel so bad you all had to go through that. Just know you did everything possible to give him a great quality of life despite the circumstances.
What I hope helps you heal is knowing that Loki had the ideal "good death" that we all hope we can do for our animals. Hemangio can come on fast and mean when you least expect it and many people have to say goodbye in traumatic ways. I'm so glad that didn't happen to you and Loki.
What a good boy, going through the world during his last days on earth, showing the world his awesomeness and strength! This is the way we want to remember our heroes and the way we will think of him forever.
We are just never prepared for this emotionally, there's no easy way through it. As you cope with the grief you can lean on us. Share photos, celebrate that boys life with us, he will never be forgotten!
Jerry, I can't thank you enough for your kind words. They hit all the notes, as much as any can in the face of loss. We miss Loki terribly, and are so grateful we were able to give him a good life and a good death as much as possible, especially in the context of hemangiosarcoma.
Here're a few sweet photos of Loki's adventures over the years. Most photos here are in the years before his tripawd time, but he was himself his whole life, on four legs or on three, and gave us so much to cherish:
https://www.fli.....R8p0VK3EpJ
You are so welcome.
Those photos! Oh my dog what a good boy! And sooooo handsome! 
You captured so many good times! All of those perfect scenes that just feel so "ordinary" in the moment but which we will someday cherish and hold dear in our hearts. They move so quickly don't they?
I can see how much he was loved and how your adventures really fed his soul, and no doubt yours too. It's all those places you went and times you shared that will surround you with a loving energy that will never fade. Thank you for sharing those beautiful times with us, and allowing us to be part of your life together in some small way.
Even though I saw this post several days ago, Ikist couldn't bring myself to respond. I know there are never any "right:" words other than letting you know we cry with you.
I can see how much he was loved and how your adventures really fed his soul, and no doubt yours too. It's all those places you went and times you shared that will surround you with a loving energy that will never fade.
Jerry was able to convey some beautiful thoughts and I can only say ditto.
I read over his "last day" in his earth clothes several times. I hope you find comfort in knowing that "Loki was still Loki" and found joy and happiness in getting pets and sniffing all the scents.....and "leading the way home." I like that visual of Loki leading when he was "heading home, leading the way home" Yes, he's back in his heavenly home at The Rainbow Bridge.Just as you gave him a "good day"....he gave you a good day to remember. I really think what you saw not wanting to sleep, was excitement in knowing his earthly purpose was complete and he coud now run free and whole to The Rainbow Bridge. He got to feel love and joy because of you. He got to give you love and joy because of who he was. Mission complete.
To all of our beloved tripawds, we are made better humans by your presence in our lives, just you being your wonderful selves.
No Sarah, we are all better humans because we had the privilege of being with you and Loki on this journey. We got to know what a joyful Soul he was and we got to witness the unbreakable bond of love you two shared. Thank you for that honor.
Oh gosh, I so loved the photos and video you shared. May. these always remind you of the thousands of Happy moments you shared together all through the years. He wants you to remember these and smipe when you do.
Hugs
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
Dear Jerry and Sally,
I can't thank you both enough for your kind, knowing replies. I've returned to them often in these early grief days.
It's so hard without my beloved boy, and this transition is uniquely painful. It is some comfort knowing we all grieve our loved dogs together, and there's an incredible legacy each of our pups have left for us and for the world. I've found I especially love finding and organizing photos of Loki, and am putting together a physical album of some highlights.
It's astounding, reflecting on all the good times, and even knowing that not every walk, trip, party, silliness, or home coziness was captured! I not only have an amazing 12 years of memories, but also a knowing in my heart of Loki's continued connection to me. I hold him in my heart, and I go out into the world in new ways.
I know more waves of sadness, anger, and longing will come, too. And I'd do it all over again for him.
Aww I'm so glad you are finding some comfort here. Every grieving situation is so different, I'm just glad that you are able to find strength by making your photo album. Maybe other projects will help too, like planting a garden or tree, something to nurture just like you did for Loki.
It's astounding, reflecting on all the good times, and even knowing that not every walk, trip, party, silliness, or home coziness was captured!
You know why? Because you were in the moment! Just like Loki! You were definitely in the Be More Dog mindset, and that's how he wanted you to live. So congratulations! You captured those good times in your heart and mind, and nothing will ever take those powerful feelings away. Even if you can't recall every one at the drop of a hat, they are now part of your soul, making you who you are and what your life is all about. That's what Loki wanted for you, always.
He was such a lucky boy to have you for his mom! 
Hi Sarah,
I'm so sorry that Loki has crossed. I looked through your photo album- what a handsome boy and what a beautiful life you gave him!
Hemangio is an unforgiving beast. All cancer sucks but Hemangio strikes so hard and fast.
My Pug Maggie's story near the end is a bit like Loki's. Mag lost a leg to mast cell cancer and did fine for a few years (we were soooo fortunate!) but then she started into a steady decline which then spiraled. She was diagnosed with kidney failure and then a second cancer.
I wanted to say that I am impressed and inspired by your attitude in mourning Loki while appreciating your time together. It's not easy to do but I think you are honoring your boy in the very best way possible.
Loki sounds like one of those pups who will always be with you, has he sent you any signs yet?
Karen and the Spirit Pug Girls and Boy
Tri-pug Maggie survived a 4.5 year mast cell cancer battle only to be lost to oral melanoma.
1999 to 2010
Jerry, you're spot on about other projects, too -- I had been putting plants in some of Loki's favorite window spots around our place, and giving them names. It's felt good to be surrounded by them, like having some more friends around. And caring for plants feels about my speed right now.
And your words about living in the moment and the way those powerful feelings are part of me now ring true to me. Loki was such a skilled mindfulness teacher, like all dogs are and like only he could be. It's so kind of you to say he was lucky to have me for his mom; I was so lucky to care for him and have him in my life. It's why this is all so painful now. It's a wild combination of pain and gratitude that I know will become easier to carry in time. For now, though, it's tears and longing, and missing him dearly for more moments, especially as the days cool.
Karen, thank you so much for your supportive reply and sharing about your Maggie. I love pugs, so sweet and spunky, and Loki did, too. It means so much that you looked at his photos! Somehow sharing those feels just so good to me. Do you have photos of Maggie?
Your words about my mourning attitude are too kind, too! I have the benefit of knowing grief and feeling curious about this profound, unique loss, and hard-won intentions to take good care of myself and my spouse in this raw time. I do hope Loki will always be with me. Most nights, I want to dream happy dreams about him, but I haven't had any that I remember for a while, and his presence feels distant in some ways. I want him to know I'll always love him, long for nothing but the best for him wherever he is and wherever he's off to, and hope he can always feel my love.
Aww Sarah, thanks. It's really good to hear from you, and to know that your kindness toward living things is being shared throughout your life. I love the idea of giving plants names and caring for them. That's a smart thing to do when the grief is so fresh. Keep sharing your love in the world however you feel like you need to. Eventually, it will touch another critter of some sort who recognizes what a special and kind human you are, and they'll show up when you least expect it.
I do think that once you release the desire to have happy dreams about Loki, it will happen. You will wake up so happy! And until then I have no doubt that his soul can feel the love that you are sending out to him. That's the joy of building such a deep bond with a dog. The loving energy never fades, it shows up in so many different ways if we are open to it. And I can tell that you really are the kind of person who is.
Thanks for stopping by! You are always part of our furmily so don't be a stranger.
So many truths have been shared by you, by Jerry, by Ksren.
You have expressed the feelings in your heart do beautifully, so poignantly.
knowing in my heart of Loki's continued connection to me
Yes, always.
I want to dream happy dreams about him, but I haven't had any that I remember for a while, and his presence feels distant in some ways
I do think that once you release the desire to have happy dreams about Loki, it will happen.
Jerry's response above was so true.
I can remember sometimes when a dream would happen and it actually took me a while later into the day as I was awake to remember that special part of my dream! I think sometimes they visit us so naturally and so calmly and so lovingly that it doesn't even jump out of us at first.
For me, something will hit me completely out of the blue and totally unexpected that will bring my beloved Frankie fully present with me in my mind, in my being, in my heart. It may be a glance over at the sofa when all of the sudden I can "see" Frankie staring at me and wagging his tail. Photos definately make him feel fully present and, more and more bring me smiles and less tears.
Loki was such a skilled mindfulness teacher
I always love hearing more about Loki as you weave his personality into your post.ps. One of a kind, that's for sure!
(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
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