I hate to come to this day but i know it was inevitable.

It's been almost 20 hours since Titus' passing in our home. We were 1.5 hours before the scheduled vet appointment to put him to sleep. I called early Thursday morning to meet the vet at 5pm so we can relieve Titus' ordeal for good. It was the most difficult decision I had to make when he always showed the energy to play and beg for treats.

The past 5 days had been the most difficult time for us. We took Titus to the vet on monday only to be reassured by another vet (our regular vet was away on a vacation) that the sore on his foot was the main cause of his reluctance to walk. We weren't able to stitch it up as it would require sedation.

Knowing that we could pad up the bandage while it stays clean and slowly heal from inside out initially was a huge relief, but xrays showed that his lungs were also not looking good. Mets were in both sides, with at least 50% being consumed. His abdomen seemed bloated with fluids but I was not well-informed. I read up after the vet and think it was ascites and it became more prominent on the last two days. Does anyone have experiences with fluid build up in the abdomen and maybe the lungs?

The vet suggested we double the dose of prednisone, and take care of the sore. It felt hopeful that Titus would try to get up on his own again with less pressure to his foot, but seeing the lungs gave me a good idea of where we were heading.

The next couple of days on Tuesday and Wednesday were bright with great enthusiasm to stand and hop outside to relieve himself, with loud bright barks to play and greeted guests who came to see him with rapid tail wags with his little nub. It was painful to see him pant after a short burst of energy be it hopping out or just popping a balloon laying down. I knew i had to call in on Thursday despite our regular vet being out of the country.

We spent the previous night and all day cuddling and I told him how brave he had been and that he had been loved so much all these years we've spent together. I even had a video of him playing balloon 1.5 hours before he passed on. Even though he panted more than usual yesterday, he didn't stop taking treats and food that we gave him. Titus had chosen his own time to go, and only when he was left alone in the living room for 30 minutes while i got ready to go to the vet. My world shattered when i came back out to see him gone, and all I wish for was that it was over for him quickly. It kills me to know that I never got to say a proper goodbye, and I kick myself for not being there when it happened.

Words cant describe how i'm feeling now, tears have been flowing uncontrollably and I miss my boy so much. He was my pillar of strength and source of joy for every single day of my life these past 8.5 years. My heart is in my stomach and I hope I can soon come to terms with his departure.

I thank all of you on Tripawds for encouraging us through the good and bad times. Cancer sucks and Titus was defeated in the end. Knowing that he fought a good fight and lived everyday to the fullest is my best consolation right now. The gentle rottie with the big personality as all my friends and family know him as is now in doggy heaven. He will always be a part of me, and I promise to keep his memory alive everyday til we meet again at the rainbow bridge.

With all my heart,

Carol