I know EXACTLY how you feel.. right down to the bottom of my broken heart.  It’s been 44 days almost to the hour that I said goodbye to Franklin.  And part of me says that I am my own worst enemy.  I think I torture myself constantly by going through pictures on the computer, on my phone, and re-reading my blog here on Tripawds.  I even sit and watch the videos on my external hard drive when I need a F’N’Farter Fix.   Yes, I am still in mourning and No, I don’t know when, or if, I will get over it.  I have my moments where I am lost without him, the house feels empty, and that is just the way it is for now.  

I know that eventually the tears will stop and smiles will continue.  I know that Franklin is in a better place, with all the other warriors and my previous dogs that I have had.  I feel peace knowing that he spotted Diesel and hopefully ran straight for him and did not get distracted by ......”SQUIRREL”!  I know that they spent that first night together curled up talking.   I know that he is pain free, that he is running around the bridge saying “Hey”…. “Hey”….. .”How are ya?”   like he used to do in the dog park.  I know he left knowing that we will love him forever and he left loving us.  I know that I miss him so much that I cry daily.  Usually when I am alone.. and never with Wilson around.  And that is ok. 

That little guy Wilson  brings many smiles and has actually put a little more spring into Maggie’s steps now.  They actually play together and roll around on the floor.  He is stealing another little piece of my heart and I look forward to hopefully what will be 14 years of snuggles and belly rubs!  He is helping me heal.. and what is funny is he is doing a few things that Franklin used to do…  when he lies on the bed.. he lies down at the bottom, facing the door, watching.  Franklin used to do that.  His one favorite toy is Franklin’s squeaky hotdog (not the original of course, that one is with Franklin by his box).. and him and Maggie were actually playing tug of war with it the other night.  Franklin used to do that.   I just got this feeling that Franklin was standing there beside him saying.. “yea.. that’s it kiddo… now.. if you twist this way, she will lose her grip and it’s yours!!!”  Yup.. I think he was!

But, I understand what you are going through..  Sometimes I just find myself sitting.. and thinking… and kind of in a stupor because I am just remembering him…. Sometimes I still sniff his bed.. his scent is still there…   And no one understands in my family either… except for my hubby who has his own moments occasionally as well…  but we all understand here… and here is where we can come to vent, come to scream, type in anger and come to cry…    I mean how can we not when these sweet babies have been in our lives for so long and have gone through so much with us?   But I will admit that I felt more at peace once I got him home.  Yes.. he is in a cedar box, and I will admit that I had to open that box to look inside.  There my sweet boy was, dust in a bag, tied at the top, and I held him to my heart.  I told him how much I loved him, I welcomed him home, kissed the bag and put him back in the box.  I really don't care what people think if I tell them that.   It's all a part of MY grieving.  And you hon, you will have yours too.  It is how we deall with it, and if people don't understand our choices... that is because they just don't understand!  We here do.

It will get better for both of us.. and it did for those of us here who have gone through the exact same thing you and I are at this time. We just take it day by day… and enjoy those furbabies around us who are with us now.. 

Christine..... with Franklin in her heart ♥

Oh Dharma, I'm just sobbing reading your post. I don't really know what to say except that I can only imagine what your broken heart must be feeling and that there is no right way or wrong way to grieve the lost of your beloved Kermit. You sound like a very sharp lady who as you said intellectually knows all the intricacies of this whole process of surviving the loss of a loved one to cancer, but just please go easy on yourself. It's one thing to help others through this process, its an entirely different thing when we have to do it ourselves. Please know we are all here for you and thinking of you.
Big warm loving hugs to you.

Patricia & Atlas

No one can tell you how long this will take, Kristine. Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was an actual timeline and we could say that on day #60, it suddenly stops? Well...I don't think so, actually. We need to take our time. 

The fortunate part of all of this is that we can love something so much and receive in return a perfect and pure love that causes us such distress when it's suddenly gone. And the unfortunate part of all this is the same thing. 

I wanted to comment on what you said about not feeling Kermit around you. Not everyone feels their dog around them afterward. I know lots of people who don't, and I'm thinking of one in particular (a member here) who has said it has been one of the most painful parts of her loss. But don't let that absence negate Kermit's presence. He was here, and we know he was. We know he changed you, made you who you are today. And make no mistake--going through this major journey with our companion animals does indeed change us deeply. If anyone says they went through amputation, recovery, rehab and life afterward without it changing them, they're lying.

I'm not sure we're prepared for the depth of change that we will undergo. And I think that's one important reason this is so hard for you.

For what it's worth, I don't feel Dakota, either. I talk to him. I write to him. But he never answers me. I miss him. It's been 6 months and it's better. 

Make sure you surround yourself with people who will allow you to talk about Kermit but who don't allow you to talk only about Kermit. Give them permission to gently guide you forward, out of your despair and discouragement. You need people who understand, who empathize (not just sympathize) and who are dedicated to helping light your way out of the dark. You can find much of that here. It's sometimes hard to be here once your dog isn't with you, but for me it's worth it. I wouldn't trade these friendships for anything. I think your heart is in good hands.

Shari