On June 13th, 2015, Baby Girl was rescued from a local shelter, and she rescued us in return. Her home was on the beach, and it was considered hers, for the rest of her entire existence. She was a 120-pound Mastiff Mix, so not only was she an emotionally large presence in our life, but also a physically large part of our hearts and home. As the perfect and the best scenario for her could be, I was sent home to telework in March of 2020 and she became a diva on a schedule and was never left for hours at a time anymore and worked by my side each day. My job is demanding, and she snored loudly during my zoom calls. I had to let the team know…that yes, they are that boring, but no…that’s my dog snoring so loud. We catered our getaways around her. The Airbnb’s had to have a comfortable deck for her to get fresh air. She sucked at having social skills with other animals, so she had to have a fenced yard. On August 18th, 2022, she wouldn’t run as hard as she always did during her time on vacation on the Pacific Ocean Coast. That’s when my world shattered and knew deep down that it was life threatening. Unfortunately her for-profit veterinary chain clinic was becoming obvious and showing how they were taking advantage of my thoughts of walking daily through foxtail or infection could be the cause and not positive it’s cancer so they kept up-charging me more and more to milk it before they finally declared osteosarcoma after realizing I never settle to let other’s take advantage of me and smarter than they thought and started diving in to do my own veterinary oncology research…..which is how I found the tripawd community. I saw the oncologist unbeknownst to this vet while saying she didn’t agree with my decision to keep fighting and would only fill two days of pain meds if I agreed to a euthanasia appointment on the third day. I was a liability for them and be damned if I let them win even though I was left with only 48 hours to find a new vet…..and 47 calls later I did just that. I found someone half a region away who would see her. He said she was severely under medicated and did not agree with them saying it’s time and not ready and had a chance and also….they were causing her to suffer. During my decision to fight, I called Washington State University, and they called back on a Friday and invited us to visit on Monday. We packed up and drove across the state where the closest Airbnb that would be able to have carpeted floors, single level and accept pets was almost two hours away from the school. They did all the tests and scans and deemed her candidacy for amputation. They did two rounds of radiation to help her with the pain while we prepared for our return for the surgery. In 50 hours, we slept only 12 of them and drove over 1,100 miles total.

We were scheduled to go back three weeks later to amputate. The weekend before we left, the Puget Sound area was hit with the hardest windstorm in years. Trees blocked our path, power was out for two days, my car was damaged, and we had to pack our dirty clothes with no shower and drive through a snowstorm over the pass to get there. We were only 20 minutes late. We fell asleep in the truck in the WSU parking lot when we got the call that she’s still good and will leave her overnight and surgery begins the next day at 7am. We drove back to the Airbnb, and didn’t realize how tired we were until we were away from the stress, away from work and away from the intense focus on her pain and care. That’s when I logged back onto Tripawds and saw just Jerry available on chat. I reached out in a daze while waiting for the call and I don’t remember too much of what he said, but I remember feeling supported and knew everything was going to be ok. We kept getting updated calls and everything was above and beyond well for her. In fact, the nurse said that when they first prepared to help her walk to go potty, she wasn't having it and hopped by herself to the other end of the fence and went potty....then gave the determined look to get her to her mom. We picked her up and it was like an empty hole was filled. I went three days without her and was going crazy waiting. We drove hours to get home and had our boys come by after the power was back on to put down all her rugs and new double mattress to begin healing. We walked each day further and further down the road. We began chemo on the 14th day after her surgery. By January this year, she was hopping down the hill and hopping back up like a champ. She was happy. She had such amazing resilience and quality in her life. We went on three different road trips that catered around her and what she would love and places she's happiest. I made sure that each day counted and rarely left her side. I made sure I spent each day as a gift and my existence was around her. She was determined to keep going against so many odds and the most resilient being I've ever witnessed. She inspired us to keep going. In April, I ruptured my disc in my lower back. Each step was torture, but she inspired me to keep going and I wasn't going to let her lose on her daily walk, her most favorite time of day because of something that wasn't her fault.....so I took two steps, squatted in pain, took to more and so on.

We took her to her other favorite vacation home in the mountains and knew she wasn't as excited and seemed a little down just like she did last August at the beach. I decided to monitor her and not take her in if this was the moment we knew would come. She loved to go bye bye, but the vet clinics could kick rocks and she wasn't pleased. She kept going and was still happy and eating and wasn't in pain. I noticed her back legs shaking more and seemed less energetic by the beginning of July. One day she was feverish and had loose stools and I cooled her down and she seemed better. I was in touch with her vet clinic, and they were on the same page as me.....avoid taking her in if there's nothing that can be done. She was happy and herself until July 27th. Her legs and ears were hot, she didn’t want to go potty, and her paws were fine and there wasn't any source of pain. On Saturday night at 11:00 pm, I had to take her in and get her an appointment the next day at urgent care. But then during my mad research, I came across H.O. symptoms of lung mets and she had every symptom as if they wrote it about her current symptoms. She was rapidly declining by the hour. One major one was legs and ears being hot and lameness from her tissues being affected. Of course, she was lying next to me snoring and I reached over and felt her legs and they were hot, and I lost it. I went outside and looked at the fullest moon lighting up the water from the deck to absorb that it's time to say goodbye and will need to do it within the next few days. I went back in and sat next to her and talked to her and told her everything I've been able to say one last time and had our moment before I went to work and switched gears on her perfect goodbye. I barely slept. My husband woke up and went into the room we were in, and I told him it was time. He also snapped into gear to make sure she had the perfect day. I found Lap of Love through one of the hundreds of Dog Cancer and Tripawd podcasts I've listened to and scheduled the appointment for Monday the 31st at 3:00 pm. They handled everything and it felt like I was handing over my duties to them, and my work was officially done. Her decline was insane to watch. She went from zero breathing problems, to being congested and shortness of breath within a few hours. I was so grateful it went from good to bad so fast and another act knowing she gets to enjoy the last moments without suffering. Had it been any later, then it would be dire. I focused on giving her the perfect day. I had been thinking about this day and had envisioned how it would be amazing for almost a full year. I cleared our entire deck, laid out all her beds (did I mention she was spoiled?) and put her ultimate favorite food and treats in my cart for delivery. I made the phone calls to a few who would need to know and packed up all her items and she did the only thing she loved to do. Lay next to us and get her belly rubbed. She was happy and full of kisses. I could tell she was declining by the hour, and looked at it as a gift that there was no question the timing was right and was able to beat cancer’s terms up until the last minute without allowing anything to be taken away from her. It was the most perfect, peaceful and spiritual goodbye. I looked closely into her eyes and could see my reflection. It was like she either realized what was happening right after the first shot, or she was finally feeling free to say goodbye, but she started giving me her rapid and repeated huge sloppy excited kisses. The only time I get those kisses is when she’s so excited. I will always wonder what she was thinking about when I got those kisses, but what’s more important is that’s how we said goodbye. They only stopped because sleep took over.

It's been one week and one day since she left. The emptiness I feel is almost unbearable at times. I miss her more than I could ever imagine would be possible. But the gratitude outweighs the grief. The beauty of making sure she died happy and old without any regrets is more than I could ever ask. You see, we didn’t let cancer win. We made sure it was on our terms, right up to the very end.

I thought I was prepared and had everything down. The only thing I struggle and feel blindsided about is the emptiness and void after giving our tripawds so much intense and constant care and fuss. I can’t take care of her anymore and I held on so much and kept moving forward through so much stress for almost a year, that I didn’t think about how it just didn’t go away and flooded at me all at once after she left me. We left town and stayed at a quiet villa to process our grief and reflect on her instead of the pain. I couldn’t go into a store without panicking. I put everything I had into her and not being able to do so was also traumatic. I also miss the accomplishments we’ve achieved together. Tripawds are more than warriors and heroes. They truly are amazing and resilient creatures that will eventually have to say goodbye and they, along with tripawd parents know that and are a part of their strength and battle. I love everyone in the community and those who reached out after goodbye to continue the support that tripawd heroes and their parents need.

I’ll never forget you and will always do what I can to help those who need it in the future.

Much Love,

Bradley, Kristen and Baby Girl Whittaker

Baby Girl Whittaker – Born on November 16th, 2014. Earned her wings on July 31st, 2023.