Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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Alison,
Grief is such a rough and painful journey. You will smile again...I promise you that. You will think about Shelby and you will smile. It may be with tears running down your face the first few times, or many times, but it will happen. Not tomorrow and maybe not for awhile, but it will take you by surprise and it will happen.
With love,
Carol
Alison, Sally and others whose hearts are grieving, I share this with you with the hope that it can bring you some comfort.
Eckhart Tolle is one of my favorite philosophers/spiritual counselors. If you haven't read his work, I highly recommend starting with Guardians of Being.
Alison, this Q&A discussion Eckhart published about death and coping with grief reminded me of what you are going through as the weeks go by. He says:
Eckhart on Peace After a Loss
Q: My sons drowned in the sea ten months ago. I did surrender, but when I felt the peace and calm coming over me, it felt wrong. It was not right to feel peace and calm with such a loss.
ET: The natural way of being after death of a loved one is suffering at first, then there is a deepening. In that deepening, you go to a place where there is no death. And the fact that you felt that means you went deep enough, to the place where there is no death. Conditioned as your mind is by society, the contemporary world that you live in, which knows nothing about that dimension – your mind then tells you that there is something wrong with this. Your mind says “I should not be feeling peace, that is not what one feels in a situation like this”. But that’s a conditioned thought by the culture that you live in. So instead we can recognize when this happens, when that thought comes – recognize it as a conditioned thought that is not true.
It doesn’t mean that the waves of sadness don’t come back from time to time. But in between the waves of sadness, you sense there is peace. As you sense that peace, you sense the essence of your children as well – the timeless essence. So death is a very sacred thing – not just a dreadful thing. When you react to the loss of form, that’s dreadful.
When you go deep enough to the formless, the dreadful is no longer dreadful, it’s sacred.. .
I hope it helps bring you comfort. I also found this great pet loss resource, be sure to check it out.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
Rene.....thank you flr takng the time to post this. Yeah, these links hold a lot of "comfort"...at lot of "truth".
For me, some of this reminds me of what I've "forgotten"...what I've lost touch with during the past week or so. Prior to Happy Hannah's transition, I was "all about tis stuff"....and POOF...it left my consciousness faster than a speeding bullet! I had also been readng "No death, No Fear" by Tich Nhat Hanh that Liz (Roxie's mom) sent. And...POOF...again, it left me!
I also had "Guardian of Being" next to my chakr to remind me to Be More Dog and stay in the present. I was telling tje vet who came over "that day", all about this site, staying in the moment, beng mre dog, etc. She saw the "Guardian" book and asked if she could borrow it
The ripple effect of this Tripawd Universe sets it's all encompassng heart in motion yet again.
Tomorrow I shall go out and hug a tree and losten for its heartbeat......
Hugs and gratitude.
Sally and Happy Hanna
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
Hi Alison, I'm so sorry for the pain you have to go through. It's over a year since Penny died but I remember exactly what you are describing. I think what's happening now is just what you wrote that you really are starting to realize that Shelby is not physically on earth anylonger. But again, her soul is always going to be there for you. You've already felt her sending you strength, right? I think it's such a brave and good thing for you that you went down to the beach and ran. Even if it hurts. I've wrote here in the forum once that sometimes when I run I see Penny in front of me like when we were running together (she almost always ran because she had a better flow then). I love that sight. She was happy and I felt happy and proud of my three legged dog, so that vision helps me. I hope soon you can get such a vision when you run. But you are so early in your grief and still it's so much pain involved. It takes time. We can't do much about it. But as said before and deep down inside I think you know that too, it WILL be better and you ARE going to have less tears and more smiles in your face. Until then, we just have to do the things we don't dare to do, listen to the things we don't want to hear and go to the places we don't want to visit. There is the healing! Sending lots of love to you!
Gunilla, Wilbur, Bellis and angel Penny
Beautifully said Sally. Don't feel bad about losing your place in the moment, it happens to the best of them, I'll bet even the Dalai Lama has times when he forgets to be present. Ok maybe not but you never know!
Hug that tree an extra second just for us OK? xoxo
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
@ Rene - thank you for that. I wanted to respond earlier but life is hard and work is hard and I haven't had an internet connection all day but please accept my apologies and know that your post was so sweet and considerate. I am familiar with that author and quite a fan. It definitely comforts and puts things into perspective. Another book I have here (I can't find it right now but it's about the loss of a loved one) is basically reminding one that "this too shall pass" - the pain, the horrible, gut wrenching pain, will pass and what will remain will be beautiful memories. I repeat that to myself often now, when I run, when I am in the car, when I am about to lose my sh!t!!!
And Gunilla - I think you are right! The reality has kicked in. She is NOT coming back. She isn't on vacation or at the vet. People have stopped checking on me. People have moved on but my heart / mind have not. And the cold reality is that I am here - alone on this earth - till I see her again and it feels so very, very long ... I am guessing 20 years, maybe 30 but it feels sooooo for forever and that makes me sad. This is one time I wish that I could speed up time. I am so proud of all that I did for her and that does give me comfort. I know that we fought every which way we could and like I said during our journey, I would have no regrets that I did everything. But it was her time. She's visiting less in my dreams, in my heart, in my mind ...
I guess there are ups and downs with everything in life ...and I am down. But I know I can get up again and I might just need to find a new focus.
But thank you ... I am trying to be comforting to everyone else here and be all 'rah rah' ...but it is very hard. I feel a bit lost without my soul mate.
XO
Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.
October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014
Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife
Alison, I'm so glad you like Tolle's work. Yeah, pull out any books of his that you have and just skim his philosophies, they are so comforting and great reminders when you lose focus.
Please, we want you feeling better first, don't worry about anyone else right now, this is your time to heal. Be good to yourself.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
Oh Alison, I totally get it! You have described it so perfectly. I think a tiny small part of me is still thinking that TY is coming back. I agree that it seems a long time till we will see them. My family has longevity, I probably have 40 years. I think that when that time comes, it will seem like a blink of the eye. Hard to believe now, I know. I think that I have been using the avoidance technique. I have his urn displayed, but not really looking at it. I made up a memory box for his things, but have not gone back through it. I do look at his pictures as they give me comfort. I have all the things for a scrapbook. I have not yet started it. I think to do so will be the reality check that I am not yet ready for. It is hard when people do not understand. That is the great thing here. People DO understand. I agree with Rene, you do not have to be here for everyone else right now. Just gain support for your own healing. I myself just come on sometimes to read and reconnect. Everyone else seems to think, ok it is over. Please know that you are in my thoughts, love, Lori and TY GUY
TY GUY, Best Black Lab ever! Diagnosed and had amp in January, 2014. Kicked MRSA's butt. Earned his angel wings on April 16, 2014. Run Free my boy and don't forget a shoe. Ty is a proud member of the " April Angels". Ty sent us Daryl, a Tripawd rescue in Sept. of 2016. Daryl is 5 +or -. We are also Pawrents to Chandler, a Border Collie mix who is 15 and 1/2, Lucy, a Corgi who is 7, 2 minis, 2 horses, and a feisty cat named Zoe. Zoe had a non skeletal Osteosarcoma removed in July 2015. No Chemo, she was at least 16. She is going strong although she is now completely blind. She is now close to 20 and her hobbies are eating and sleeping in front of her personal heater.
thank you for your understanding and comfort. I feel a bit schizophrenic ... like some days I am able to be super supportive and helpful and then, perhaps like Shelby, I would overdo it and feel exhausted and drained. Part of the process I guess. I haven't started on Shelby's albums (she will need two - one for costumes and one for her life). I need to organize all the photos but some photos make me sad to look at (like the ones I posted on her blog today). I think I just don't know what I need - I need for the pain to stop.
And I was kidding about 20 years; knowing my luck, I'll live another 50 years, well into my 90s!
And I appreciate everyone here knowing what I / we are going through; I feel sometimes I am more raw w/my emotions/reactions/etc but I also recognize that I live alone. Shelby was my comfort on a bad day. That is 100% gone. Not that I don't have great friends but when they ask how I am and I say "sad" - they want to fix it. No one can just accept that it's acceptable for me to be "sad". Even my own mother, who I love dearly, I told her I was feeling angry that our time was over and she told me that was not OK. I promptly shared w/her the stages of grief chart. 
But I know people want to help and I think someone else said it here on another post - people don't know what to do with grief or how to be around it. As for me, I am going through the motions, I don't think I am being mean or rude to anyone but I am hibernating and reacting when something stings worse... it is a process. Some days are better than others.
Thank you all for listening ... I just miss her...
Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.
October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014
Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife
Just keep doing what YOU need to do, okay? Hmmm.....I think beng a touch schizophrenic could be another great tool to try...roll with it!!
Keep comingn here Alison, you know everyone here understands.
Your pictures on your blog made me smile...soooooo much lpve betweennyou two.
Can't wait to see Shelby's scrapbbok with all her costumes! She'll blow Boy George, Dolly Parton and Liberace's costumes out of the water!!
Sending love to you Alison...or Jane Fonda...or Katy Perry...or whatever personality you jumpinto for escape! Make it a fun one!
Sending love and understanding.
Sally and Happy Hannah
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
I agree, just do what ever works a day at a time. I understand about every one wanting to fix it. As I am typing this, I have a Ty hair on my iPad. Keep coming here and venting.you don't have to hide the sadness or missing her here. Like I said earlier, I sometimes just come on and read. Sometimes, I just don't have it in me to reply. I am going to Shelby's blog now to see the new pictures! Sending Love: Lori and Ty. Guy
TY GUY, Best Black Lab ever! Diagnosed and had amp in January, 2014. Kicked MRSA's butt. Earned his angel wings on April 16, 2014. Run Free my boy and don't forget a shoe. Ty is a proud member of the " April Angels". Ty sent us Daryl, a Tripawd rescue in Sept. of 2016. Daryl is 5 +or -. We are also Pawrents to Chandler, a Border Collie mix who is 15 and 1/2, Lucy, a Corgi who is 7, 2 minis, 2 horses, and a feisty cat named Zoe. Zoe had a non skeletal Osteosarcoma removed in July 2015. No Chemo, she was at least 16. She is going strong although she is now completely blind. She is now close to 20 and her hobbies are eating and sleeping in front of her personal heater.
So the epic shit storm that everyone close to me was expecting to happen just happened at Whole Foods. I just went bat shit crazy on some older guy at Whole Foods. It's hotter than hell here in LA and my car said it was 85 when I parked. This guy pulls up along side me and has a beautiful chow chow in the back seat. He rolls down the windows and proceeds to lock the car. I said to him, you're not leaving your dog, are you? He said, yes, I am (smug as can be). I said that's not OK - it's way too hot and it's dangerous and he told me not to concern myself. what did I do? I marched my ASS into Whole Foods and got security to take care of it. I am still shaking. I was near tears at the prospect of a dog dying for no reason and even more, what I wouldn't give to have my Shelby back while this guy seemed more concerned with buying cold cuts (yes, after I told security, I followed him around the store) than his own dog's welfare. There is NO excuse for that - none. I was and am still shaking I am so upset. When I got back to my car, the dog and car were gone and I just pray that dog was OK.
I was a GREAT dog mom - it's just not fair!!! This guy clearly didn't care for his dog as much I care for Shelby .. I miss her so much! I got off work early today (little perk) and normally, I would be thrilled to come home but today, I went every where BUT home ... also, it's super hot in my apt w/no AC at the beach but also because why come home? I miss my girl.... This has been a hard week. thank you for being there ... even my mom (who is my close friend and a huge supporter) has told me, in no uncertain terms, that I need to start living and getting out again. What she's missing is that I am deeply depressed and I prefer to be at home - hibernating. I know I will get there but for now.... sleeping is my escape.
Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.
October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014
Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife
Ohhhh I'm so sorry. Geez why are some people such idiots? Gah! Well thank you for intervening, hopefully that guy will think twice about doing it again, you're awesome and Shelby is PROUD.
Yes, you were a GREAT dog Mom, no doubt. I know that it's still hard for you and lots of things can stir up emotional muck. What you have to do in the heat of the moment (no pun intended) is stop, breathe and ask yourself, "Do I like what I'm feeling right now?" If not, vow for Shelby's happiness, to do whatever it takes to not feel that way, to change it and welcome happiness instead. Believe me, she's still around and in your presence, that's all she wants for you. Try it. It's hard and it takes practice but you can do it, I know you can. Little by little you'll get there, don't let anyone pressure you into "hurrying up" and recovering. Everyone has their own timeline.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
I know you saidyou were stillhaking.....I bet that man was shaking and pooh poohed in his boxer shorts when he saw you goto security! Good for you!
Don't mess with tje best mom a dog could have buster!! And you were te best mom for Shelby and she was the best dog foryou! You both gave each other your all!
Yes, tis important that Shelby kows you are doing okay... even if it's for just brief moments...that's a start andthat makes her feel good. But heck no, there's no time frame for grief and you are doing the best you can! I say if sleeping brings you an escape...then sleep. Whatever getsyou through each momentis exactly whatyou need to do. Of course you don't feel like being all happyand socializing...........it feels like you just lost your whole world..
Stay here with us. We understand. Just don't be causing a riot at Whole Foods when you see some jerk do something stupid withnhis dog....run over him with your car instead! JUST KIDDING!! JOKING!!!
Sendingyou love. And know that Shelby's proud of you!
Sally and Happy Hannah
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
What the heck is wrong with people? Maybe he should sit in the car while someone goes in to buy lunch meat. You were a great doggy Mom and Shelby Girl knew it. She knew that she had it good and her Mom would always love her. I am glad you took up for the poor doggie. They cannot speak up for themselves, so we have to do it for them. I think that some people just do not think.it does make you angry when you hear of or see a dog not treated with the love and care they deserve. I like you, wanted to provide that love and care for many more years than I got. 'As or how you are feeling, don't let anyone rush your grief. If you rush it, it will wind up showing up in another way. Try to eat well and do whatever it is that brings you the most relaxation. If it is sleeping right now then that is ok. Take care of you. I am sorry this week was so hard. It just plain hurts and there is no quick fix. Sorry you had that thrown at you tonight. Love: Lori and Ty
TY GUY, Best Black Lab ever! Diagnosed and had amp in January, 2014. Kicked MRSA's butt. Earned his angel wings on April 16, 2014. Run Free my boy and don't forget a shoe. Ty is a proud member of the " April Angels". Ty sent us Daryl, a Tripawd rescue in Sept. of 2016. Daryl is 5 +or -. We are also Pawrents to Chandler, a Border Collie mix who is 15 and 1/2, Lucy, a Corgi who is 7, 2 minis, 2 horses, and a feisty cat named Zoe. Zoe had a non skeletal Osteosarcoma removed in July 2015. No Chemo, she was at least 16. She is going strong although she is now completely blind. She is now close to 20 and her hobbies are eating and sleeping in front of her personal heater.
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