Once again, it is time for the population of Northern California to tremble and run for the hills in futile attempt to escape the apocalyptic wave of destruction known as Bernie bin Laden.  Much like a tornado, tsunami, plague of locusts, or other natural disaster, he destroys everything in his path and leaves only wailing and gnashing of teeth in his wake, as the dazed populace scratch their heads and wonder what the hell happened to their dog toys, sandwiches, and dignity.

     We left Orange County at about 8:00, then had to suffer through Los Angeles traffic for a couple of hours.  As always, I spent most of the transit cursing a freeway system that forces me to go through a city and county I loathe with a passion.  I felt a lot better once we made it to Ventura county, and far more agreeable place made even better by the fact that it isn’t Los Angeles.

     Bernie and his longsuffering sidekick Linda liked it too.  We always make a pit stop at San Buenaventura beach, where the dogs can stretch their legs and run around a bit.  (Note to travelers: it’s not an off-leash beach; they just don’t monitor it that closely).  Bernie and Linda made a new friend, then decided to investigate the biggest, stinkiest, nastiest piece of rotting seaweed on the beach.

  Then it was off to the local In-n-Out Burger, where they got their usual road trip dog treats.

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      As we headed north through Santa Barbara County, the weather got wet.  Bernie and Linda took full advantage of this by serenading us with a symphony of rancid dog farts, which lingered interminably in the car because it was raining too hard to roll the windows down.  My wife and I gagged, the windows fogged up, and we tried to take a few breaths as possible until we hit a slight lull in the rain and I could roll down the window for a blast of delicious, freezing wet, methane-free air.  Bernie then managed to find a rare good use for his sister’s butt by using it as a pillow, and promptly fell asleep.

     We eventually reached Carmel, and gave them another rest stop on the beach.  Bernie went back to using his sister as a chew toy.

    Then we checked in to the dog-friendly Cypress Inn, where the dogs gave our room their seal of approval.

     Shortly after that, Mr.bin Laden committed his most recent sex offense on the hotel handyman, making him a third striker under California law.  That particular incident is documented elsewhere on these forums.  I shudder to think what he’ll come up with tomorrow.  Mill Valley residents, prepare yourselves!  Only two days left until the springtime Nor Cal Tripawd Party!