So.. I have been dealing with Mitchell's passing. And it has been tough, a lot tougher than I imagined it would be. It has brought up a lot of anger over how that first surgery for cruciate ligament changed our lives. Going through old photos, seeing the "before" Mitch and the "after" Mitch. It just sucks. And it makes me realize how long ago we really lost him 😭😭 I have no doubt in my mind that something happened during that first surgery. And nobody had the balls to tell me. I think he lost oxygen, or his heart, for a bit and then was resuscitated. He was never the same dog after that. 

And.. in the middle of all the last three weeks I am also dealing with dental work. (I am petrified of dentists) I had an hour session today and of course pain. It has truly become a gut wrenching phobia. 

I get home with a half numb mouth and David is talking about the painting / spackling he is doing. He is doing a great job, and this is his therapy going through the loss of Mitch. I'm in the kitchen, he is at his computer and all of a sudden he is looking at Bo funny. I'm like "what's wrong?" he said he's acting funny. I come into the room (our downstairs is a totally open floor with no separation of rooms) and there Bo is.. head bobbing, opens mouth, no sound. Tongue out.. still no sound... shit!!!! He couldn't breathe!! F#@K!!!! I take his head and open his mouth, gums are beginning to pale. Stick half my hand slow and steady with fingers stretched.. I feel something. OMG not now, please. Open mouth again, fingers down, I cannot grab it. I have done a throat sweep on a person before, a little girl. She bit my freaking hand but I got it. I can't get this. I gave him a hug.. nope.. not right. Dammit I have been taught this, breathe... I got up on my knees and hugged just below the ribs. Nothing. Again...harder...  he screeched and started heaving... up comes some undigested large piece of meat? He started breathing ok. OMG!!! Tongue twitching in and out a little like he was going to heave again but he didn't. Gums and tongue pink. He was scared AF, so was I. Of course he had to go out after this .. it literally scared the out of him. I cleaned up everything he vomited, and of course now my knees go weak and I wanna puke, laugh, cry, knees weak... yeah.. I am trying to unwind now. 

Please little black cloud.. go away now!!!! I honest to God don't think I can handle any more. If this is one of those "Be More Dog " lessons, I got it!!! I love the furbabies that I have left, I love my husband, I love my family... I don't need any more of life's freaking lessons...enough already.

Thanks for listening, I am going to have a bourbon now and try to unwind with my happy, pink gummed, breathing puppy now that I have scared the crap out of him.