Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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I've been down in the dumps lately.. it's wicked hot (for LA) with no AC and I'm just overall cranky pants. September marks when we "really" knew what was wrong... On 9/8 - Shelby had her spleen removed ... 5 days later I was over the moon happy with my new job that was the perfect fit to come home to get the call no one wants to get - "your dog has hemangiosarcoma. She has, at most 1 - 2 months". From the high of the first day on the new job to the lowest of lows... thus began our short but meaningful six month journey, including her amp in January.
There are too many "lasts" coming up and I don't know that I am strong enough for them.
1. In a couple weeks, our "last" trip to wine country
2. Our "last" birthday, in October
3. Our "last" thanksgiving
4. Our last photo shoot w/Santa (it was our favorite time of year)
I am sad, I am withdrawing from my social world, I am putting on a happy face but I am far from it ... I am scared to have to re-live all those moments. Up until now, I've been mainly living with the grief and the sadness... I really don't know what the next 6 months are going to bring. I have to TRY and be strong - for Jasper, for the world, for this community.
And then today, when I've spent the day avoiding phone calls/texts/ etc ... I come home from grabbing food that I have no interest in eating (Jasper will get a burger tonight for sure) and I see this on the floor. It's from a medal that my friends made for me so it's not a random (per se) sequin but I want to - HAVE TO - believe that Shelby helped it to fall off the medal and onto the floor so I would see it and I would feel her in my heart / soul today. I prayed earlier and made a wish at 11:11 for a sign from my girl and I have to believe this was it ... even though it's not a new sequin, it was removed from a medal so that I would see it.
Thank you Tripawds... I feel defeated again... I miss her so flipping much. I adore Jasper and she's a great dog but there is a disconnect ... she is my 'for now' companion... I miss Shelby ... I miss holding her in my arms, kissing those ears and snuggles ... I long for the day for us to be one again. (And PS - I've seen Shelby's banner EACH time I've come on this site today... that's another sign from my girl)
Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.
October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014
Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife
Alison,
I have to say, I think misery (you), loves company (me).........I am very much starting to go through the same exact feelings right now, the "lasts" with everything. The 5th of this month marks Polly's final surgery on her front leg before her amp, which of course her biopsy came back as hemangiosarcoma as the first time....my hope had dropped considerably at this point, but not giving up. This led to her amp surgery Oct 3rd, with renewed hope.......yep, the last happyThanksgiving, last Merry Christmas, and after the last Happy New Year, I found another crappy tumor on Polly's back leg. The rest was downhill from there.......Sad to say, but even my sweet Pearl's first birthday on Valentine's Day was terribly marred by Polly's rapid downhill slide......she died 2 days later.
So we do have so much in common for sure, and we have everyone here, and each other to help get through this difficult time......we made it the first time around, we will get through round 2. At least since we have lost our precious girls, we don't have to wake up every single day completely full of dread, thinking, is today gonna be the day my heart breaks forever?......that is the ONLY positive now with our sadness.....yep, getting through this first year will be very difficult, but we have great support as always.
Keeping you in my heart tonight and always, and sending healing {{{hugs}}}
Much Love,
Bonnie & Angel Polly (and Pearl)
P.S. I have seen Shelby's banner 3 times today......and it has been hotter than Hades here as well this past week; it hasn't been really hot at all during the entire summer, now kids are back to school, and it is unbearable outside.......go figure......
It's always hard around those months that you know are verseries of something to do with your furbaby. It is hard not to withdrawl from the world & be depressed. The thing is you don't have to be strong for us here. You can break down & cry and vent and its fine with us.
You are strong enough. You just don't think you are. See the thing is you know they were the "lasts" now but not at the time. Yes, they will be hard and I am not kidding when I say that but the thing is you have to make new 1st memories too. You won't forget those for Shelby but she is telling you mom its ok. You are getting the signs (you just have to convince yourself or are trying to that they aren't from her. but they are.)
You love Jasper (you say there is a disconnect its not a disconnect) it is a love in a different way. Stop being so hard on yourself. You just need to relax with her and let it be you were doing so well. I know this month is hard. Give yourself a break 
Hugs
Michelle & Angel Sassy
Sassy is a proud member of the Winter Warriors. Live long, & strong Winter Warriors.
sassysugarbear.tripawds.com
07/26/2006 - Sassy earned her wings 08/20/2013
05/04/2006 - Bosch, Sassy's pal, earned his wings 03/29/19 fought cancer for 4 months.
"You aren't doing it TO her, you are doing it FOR her. Give her a chance at life."
I actually shied away from responding because I just didn't know what to say.
Well, I'm gonna tell you what I came up with...its sooooo lame...but I wanted to at the very least acknowledge the heartfelt posts of you two......
"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I know not what to say...
Other than I love you two!!"
Yep, that's why I was having tro uble replyng because that's all I could come up with.
But MICHELLE.....BEAUTIFULLY SAID!!! ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!!!. Truly guided words of wisdom spoken from the heart of someone who understands all to well.
You have NO idea how important you are to each of us. REALLY!!!!!
Thank you...all three of you...for sharing your insightful thoughts....they benefit us all.
Sending love ...
Sally and My Eternal Light Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle too!
Oh...Michelle...Sassy's banner popped up when I read your reply!!!!! That sweet girl is forever protecting and guidingnyou!
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
Thank you all, my sweet friends ... it is very true - those 'firsts' of the lasts will be conquered and my #shelbystrong will continue to guide me every step of the way.
Thank you, Sally, for my little poem! 🙂
And you're right Bonnie - I made it through the first time around, petrified but strong with Shelby by my side and I didn't know when that forever heartbreak was going to come (God .. when I think back on some of those moments, my heart sinks and aches - it's almost like I am reliving it and I can see it clearly)... the total fear Shelby had from riding in the car in the end since it probably was uncomfortable when she still have the 4 legs and even w/the three, she didn't feel stable. There was something off.
And then this a.m., Jasper, for no real reason, hiding under the bed, acting 'off' and me going to the dark spot and while I sit at work, am paralyzed with fear that there was something wrong with her, that she ate/got into something ... when in fact, she's probably, hopefully, just being "Jasper" and her irrational fear of 'air' is getting the best of her! And you're right, Michelle, I do love her ... tell her that (in Spanish) but it's a different love .. it's not as deep or bonded but it is akin to love ...
Onward and upward ... BTW - Shelby (all 4 paws) came to me in my dreams last night ... normal dream but Shelby was by my side. Oh how I miss that sweet girl... thank you for visiting me, Miss Shelbers!
Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.
October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014
Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife
Alison, see, a sequin, her banner and a dream. Shelby knew you needed to feel her presence. I think you do love Jasper, it just takes experiences and time together to create that bond. And will it be the exact , same bond you had with Shelby? Probably not, nor would you want it to be. Shelby will always occupy a certain part of your heart. I have not really experienced any last year this time stuff except that it was around this time that his limp got more frequent. I know it is coming. Oh, how I long for the days before we knew. I agree with Michelle, you are being too hard on yourself. This journey takes time. Sometimes it feels like one step forward and two back. I am glad we all have each other to help us navigate this trip that none of us wanted to be on. Love from, Lori and Ty
TY GUY, Best Black Lab ever! Diagnosed and had amp in January, 2014. Kicked MRSA's butt. Earned his angel wings on April 16, 2014. Run Free my boy and don't forget a shoe. Ty is a proud member of the " April Angels". Ty sent us Daryl, a Tripawd rescue in Sept. of 2016. Daryl is 5 +or -. We are also Pawrents to Chandler, a Border Collie mix who is 15 and 1/2, Lucy, a Corgi who is 7, 2 minis, 2 horses, and a feisty cat named Zoe. Zoe had a non skeletal Osteosarcoma removed in July 2015. No Chemo, she was at least 16. She is going strong although she is now completely blind. She is now close to 20 and her hobbies are eating and sleeping in front of her personal heater.
Alison,
I'm so sorry that you've been having a rough time with Shelby's "lasts" coming up. I've not experienced that yet but I'm still breaking down into a mess on the 30th of every month that has passed since letting Leland go. I'm dreading his birthday coming up in November (17th...he would have been 5) and then of course the dreaded 30th (5 months without him).
I truly believe Shelby was reaching out to you through your dream and then of course with the medal on the floor. She's letting you know that she's still with you in spirit.
And I know you care for (probably even love) Jasper but it's just different than what you shared with Shelby...and that's ok. We don't want carbon copies of our beloved Tripawds.
Take comfort in knowing that we are always here for you to lend an ear and support. We all care about you.
Sending you a warm hug!
Sahana and her Angel Leland
November 17, 2009 - June 30, 2014
May you finally be healthy and running free at the Rainbow Bridge. Until we meet again my sweet boy!
See Alison, you love little Jasper more than you are willing to admit !! I knew you did.....!! So glad sweet Shelby came to visit your dreams last night......but she is ALWAYS with you, remember that......
Now, time for a group hug for all of us......{{{{{{{{{{HUGS!!!!!}}}}}}}}}}
Love to all,
Bonnie & Angel Polly
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