I can so relate to your feelings regarding Lily's passing. We decided to let our Harmony choose when and where she wanted to depart as long as she wasn't suffering. I guess I've watched too much TV, but I always envisioned she would just stop breathing and that would be the end. But that wasn't what happened. I won't say anything else other than to reiterate Rene's eloquent comment about birth and death being transitions that are not so peaceful sometimes. The hub-a-dub is a farm boy and assured me that Harmony's way of departure was quite normal.

Until the memories started to fade of that horrible day, his words are all that kept me sane.

Although our circumstances are different, I see those same emotions in your words and I'm here to promise you, those memories will fade. All that will be left will be the joy that Lily brought you and will stay with you until the day of your own transition and you're reunited at the Bridge.

I don't know if you had the chance to catch the movie "Life of Pi", but there's a scene where Pi's father told him to not mistake the reflections of our own emotions in animals eyes. Although there is no doubt Lily loved you unconditionally, emotions like anger, disappointment, and hurt are truly owned by humans.

Peace be with you my friend,

pam