Thank you everyone for your support. In the last week, all your words of encouragement were sort of a lifeline for me. It's such a comfort to hear from people who truly understand this journey. I found myself constantly checking my email just to hear from you all.

I miss her so much and I still can't believe she is gone. She and I spent the last 7 months fighting so hard together to keep her lungs clear and with the presence of nodules we knew it was just a matter of time. I guess we took it for granted that we'd have Lily in mind and spirit until the bitter end. We were not prepared for this double whammy of (most likely) a brain tumor that in a sense took her smile and joy of life in what seemed like an instant. I'm glad the steroids helped us get a little of Lily back for an evening and a morning before we had to say goodbye.

The really cruel twist was the euthanasia. I have had the misfortune of saying goodbye to several beloved family pets (albeit none so beloved as Lily) and it's always been awful but very peaceful. Since it was a Sunday and we were out of town, we had to use a vet we had never used before. They insisted on taking her to their back room to catheterize her first, which was not unusual with the many treatments she's had over our journey. About 15 minutes later, they called my husband and I back as she was agitated and they couldn't get a vein. I went into the room and she was strapped to a gurney thrashing about. It was obvious they had tried several locations as there was blood all around her and they were then working on her back leg. She saw me and when I came up to her she licked me all over the face and started thrashing again and moaning horribly. I pray this was a seizure and she wasn't sure what was going on because it was so awful. All I could think was they needed to give her something to calm her down. It went on for what felt like forever before they finally got it in and sedated her (unfortunately to the point where she was totally out). We then took her back to the room where my family was (they thought it was a cat screaming in the back room) and they gave Lily the final injection as we said goodbye.

I feel like I let her down so bad and didn't protect her when she needed it most. In retrospect, I see her begging me for help and instead I helped to restrain her. I should have made the technicians back off and give her some space and a chance to calm down with my husband and I there with her. I really hope she was just in the throes of a seizure and wasn't aware of what was going on. Never again will anyone pry my hands off of my babies to prep them to say goodbye.

Thank you so much for your kind words, Jerry. I'm trying to keep my thoughts on the good stuff and today I started a probably long overdue tripawd blog (my first blog ever!) to start chronicling our journey. I have spent most of the day at it and it's been very therapeutic to think about and put to paper (so to speak) our life together and what I'm feeling right now. My husband keeps reminding me that I never took her for granted - and that I was constantly reminding him of the need to take advantage of the time we have with her - and I should keep that foremost in my mind. She would not like it if I was this upset around her so I need to honor that and try to keep my chin up as much as I can. It will take some time, I'm sure!