Firstly, absolutely no need to apologize for being sad!  When I am grieving, I need to get it out.  My true friends just sit and listen to be go on like Eyeore from Pooh feeling sad and venting.  That's what we are here for.  Honestly, if any of us reaches overload with sadness here, we simply won't be reading the Coping forum, we know it will be sad.  But those of us that are reading it, generally want to know that we aren't alone in *our* own pain, or we want to comfort the writer. 

One thing you said hit a familiar thing for me.  Hearing them after they are gone.  This is rather common I think.  It's either our minds just not wanting to accept the loss (trying to work through a denial phase).  Or it's our angels come back as guardians.  I like to think that is it.  🙂

And when in the depths of grieving, I welcome sleep so much.  I fall asleep usually to dream of happier times and they are still with me, alive and happy.  Waking up is simply the worst.  I fall asleep to the dream wake up to the nightmare. 

Hang in there.  We all miss Shilo too with you.  I read her blog and felt like I knew her. 

Dawn and Raven