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My HAPPY HANNAH--big lung tumor..falling to pieces over here...crushed
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Virginia







Member Since:
22 February 2013
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4 March 2014 - 8:33 am
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'Been trying to write this since yesterday...and trying not to write it too..

I "thought", if I ever got "bad news", I would be able to "handle" it..and do it fairly privately. Everyone here is dealng with soooooo much I didn'g want to add to it.

My gratitude for our t e together is so enormous, so immense. My gratitude for you guys is just as enormous and immense.

But I'm ABSOLUTELY DEVASTED!!! It's the size of a baseball he said...an effing basebsll!!

I'm so far away from beng n the NOW, from being More Dog..from not letting anything rob us of our time together...I just can't get back to that and I hate myself for that right now...and hate that I'm writing ths...and I hate I can't stiop crying..I hate that I did thos stupid xrays!!

So many of you know..... so many of you know......I just can't get it together...I'm just on the floor. A HUGE tumor...left...

I want to thank CAROL, WILLOW'S mom. Poor soul, she just happened to PM me yesterday to follow-up on Happy Hannah, I just couldn't hold it in anymore.....I HAD to tell someone! . I told her I wanted to try and just handle this and not burden anyone else...well, except poor Carol.
I just didn't want to giv any energy to this.....well, the best laid plans.....
Carol, you helped sustain me these last several hours...you intuitively knew exactly what ro say and how I was feeling.. You are so special. She was the one who gen tly encouraged me to post here ...to reach out......so I'm reaching...I'm embarrassed, I'm disappointed in myself...but I'm reaching ot because I'm not doing a very good job by myself!! AND THAT'S NOT FAIR TO HAPY HANNAH!! Why isn't my love for her strong enough to make me shape up!! I LOVE HER ENOUGH TO PUT ALL THIS ASIDE...I K OW I DO...BUT I'M NOT DONG IT!!! Even though I KNOW what MUST DO...stay present (well, that means eliminatng the present xrays feom my mind too.), let NOTHING rob us of our time together!!

This is my regular vet...and yes, he mentioned on the previous visit if the antibiotics didn't help, we may want to consider xrays....he's known me for over thirty years and has been my "family physician" for all my dogs...has known Hapy Hannah since puppyhood. Her temp. was normal yesterday...101.3 I thiks...so it did help that.

We discussed Prednisone and Piroxicam...decided on Piroxicam and to keep her on the Cephalexin...so ething about the other lund was hazy (?) so we'd keep her on antibiodic..don't remember...

MICHELLE said it best on a post she made to Tank's blog (I think that's where).....something like, "It never happens the way they tell you it's going to happen."

No coughing, still has good appetite.... my vet's scales are squirrely I think..plus Hapy Hannah barely fits on them...but, according to them, she's gained four pounds in a week...so clearly no weight loss! Lower energy started showing about one to two months ago...just a slight change...she's a big "mature" girl and that certainly is expected.

It's markedly, hugely noticeable now...a d other than a little different breathing pattern...and the other night (efore I drove through the blizzard to get her to the vets..30 MPH the whole way...usualy takes 45 minutes...1 1/2 hr. ugh) when she was so restless.....it's just been the tiredness. Okay, yeah, she still eats, but just doesn't beg 24/7...would rather rest.

Her quality is still good!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I've rambles and vented all you all can possibley stand right now.

I dn't mind saying right now, after all this public meltdown.....I am reaching out..well I never let go of the lifeline you threw me over a year ago...I guess I just need a bigger one now, becauxe I'm so far off shore I can't even see it!! I feel like Haph Hannah and I sould always be here with you guys......She and I don't want to leave. You're gonna miss my typos...you know you are!!
Just want to say also to JILL...thank you for putting Happy Hannah in tnose two "videos" you did, and the one with the BRAVE song. Right w my two regrets are takng those xrays and NOT beng savvy enough to kow how to make a slide shlw or video woth music!! How I would have loved to have that!! I want to do a tributesoooooo badly like all you computer geeks do!"

He only did a prescription for a couple of weeks worth....if you all can thik of anything else to help...the size is ao huge....he didn't feel like Cytoxin or Luekeran were optio s...mahbe I can add that ro my regret pile since I'm wasting valuable time anyway. Who is this person writing this crap? Okay, gon a go find Sally ow Hapoh Ha nah needs her..

We both need you.

And with every fiber of my being I WILL be strong for ner! I do know that!

To tell you how much your support has meant to us is futile...because there are o words in the human language to sum up my gratitdue. I only hope Hapoy Hannah and I have c tributed i so e small way to make this journey bearable, and even fun at times! T would mean the worl to us to kow we helped. You have sure helped us.

Sendng you love and gratitudeand always wishing the best for each of you...A.WAYS!

Sally and Happy Hannah.....YES! HAPPY, HAPPY HANNAHclapclapclap

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

Member Since:
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4 March 2014 - 8:53 am
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Sweet sweet sally and happy Hannah, you have been such a great great help to many of us. Remember telling me to breath in and out... I know exactly how you feel right now, chef was sooo happy, eating good and willing to play but from one to the other day i had to let him go, just like that...

 

I know what you feel and i know it sucks to feel like you have to be strong and you just cant! You dont have to be dissapointed in yourself! you are a wonderfull person and no one can deal wih these kind of things without crying.

 

Life is hard and these are the things we dont want to be part of. Happy Hannah has had the best mom she could ever wish for!! and this mom is you! Be proud of that! You guys have had the best year after amputation treasure that! Happy Hannah had the biggest bones, the best food and most important the best time togheter with you!

 

Never ever regret what you did or that you coundlt be strong at this point! its what they call human! silly sally :)

I never thought i couldt write a story like this for someone else but for you i can... Just traight from the heart because that is what you did to all of is!

 

Keep your head up high and be proud of everything you did for yourself, for happy Hannah and for the tripawd nation!

Sally you guys have a special place in my heart! hang in there and if you want to talk, to cry to scream or whatever ill be there for you!

 

XXXXXXXXX lots of love from Jamilla and angel Chef

New Haven, CT
Member Since:
27 December 2012
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4 March 2014 - 8:54 am
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Oh, Sally.  Oh, Sally.  I'm crying with you.  I am not being very Dog either.  You know what, we strive to be as perfect as they are, but we are human after all.  We know what death is.  We know what cancer is.  We know costs.  We know.  We know.  We know.  They don't.

A couple of things:

1) everyone is allowed their own way of handling news, good or bad.  Some like to post it, others not.  You were allowed to keep it personal.  However, the way you're integrated here I'm surprised you wanted to keep it locked up.  I'm glad you shared.  I'm glad you opened up.  We're here to support all sides - the good, bad, scary, funny, sweet, devastating.  We're here.  I'll speak for myself, but I'm sure others share this sentiment: we're here for you and we only hope that the support we give YOU now is worthy of the support you've GIVEN us these many, many months.

2) Because we are human and we know things our pups and kitties don't, it really is impossible to Be Dog 24/7.  I fully believe you must let your heart and mind act they way they want to.  If that means you cry for 2 days straight, go for it.  We know you won't lock yourself away and not be with Hannah.  We know you'll cry into her fur.  I think that's fine.  Let it out!  The sooner it all comes out, the sooner you are to realizing where things stand.  Where Hannah stands.  Where your love for Hannah stands.  Freak the &*%# out!  Then, get grounded and Be Dog then.  Until that point, don't beat yourself up for crying.  Dogs don't cry b/c they can't.  But if they could, you know, I bet Hannah would shed a tear every time you left for errands and every time you returned.  They are emotional creatures, too.  Let your emotions out.  You'll heal better.

3) All along you've done what is best for Hannah.  What can you regret?  Really?  Everything, every meal, every treat, every cuddle, every vet appointment and decision had Hannah's best in your heart.  You did and ARE doing everything RIGHT by her.  She has lived and IS living the best life!  She's got YOU!

4) Still with her thoughts in mind, it sounds like you've got a plan or an idea of how to progress.  That's good.  Don't think about it now.  Just heal yourself.  When you're ready to revisit the plan, it'll be there.

5) Screw that baseball!  Piss off.  That sounds pretty big.  And it sounds like she's reacting to it.  The good news is that she's eating, wagging, cuddling, licking, snorting, and loving like always.  Her temp is down too.  These are good things.  When your tears are drowning you, hold onto these pearls.

Sally, I'm so upset for you, with you, for Hannah, and with Hannah.  This disease is something awful.  Amputation gave us more time, but in the end, this damn cancer often takes them from us.  After amputation, though, we've learned to celebrate all the tiny and big milestones and to Be More Dog .  Hannah has done that for you and us.  She is one lucky pup.  We celebrate her!

~ Katy & Jackson

ACL tear in right hind leg 12/5/12 and scheduled ACL repair surgery 12/21/12. Pre-op xrays revealed osteosarcoma. Amputation 12/28/12.  Chemo (carboplatin) started Jan 10, 2013 and ended on April 5, for a total of 5 doses. He handled carbo like a champ!  No side effects.  We started metronomic therapy at his third chemo and have been also doing some holistic treatments.  He's a lively, playful 10 year old huskie-boarder collie and a very proud member of the Winter Warriors!  Our love. Our funny little guy!

Atlanta, GA
Member Since:
12 February 2013
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4 March 2014 - 8:54 am
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Oh GOSH SALLY!  Noooo.  I am so devastated with you.  Not our happy girl Hannah.  Not that everyone's fuzz butts are special and precious, but you two are so darn sweet that I guess I thought surely Karma would take care of Miss Hannah and keep her safe.  You know we are here for you, for anything.  Ugh.  I'm just so sorry.

Karma, Adelaide and the crew and our special angel Brendol

Adelaide is a young tripawd Husky, from an injury.  Her amp was on 10/1/12.  She has 4 sisters, Aissa (a senior border collie/chow), Maggie May (a puppy Great Pyrenees), Mathilde and Morrigan and 1 baby brother, Bagheera.  We are all watched over by our angel Brendol, who was dx with OSA 1/30/13, amp on 2/6/13, and left us on 8/20/13.

PitaPata - Personal picturePitaPata Dog tickers

 You can read their stories at http://adelaide.tripawds.com and http://brendol.tripawds.com
On The Road


Member Since:
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4 March 2014 - 9:03 am
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Damn this cancer.

Sally, I'm so sorry. My heart broke when I saw this, I had hoped this day would never ever come.

Please, let us be here for YOU. I can't begin to count the number of times you've provided badly needed words of love and encouragement to others through good times and bad, it's our turn to hold you up and give you a place to turn to. You are MORE than allowed to grieve this crappy news for a day. Write as much as you want, post a million times, give yourself time to feel it.

Then when you think you can't cry any more, that's when it's time to do your best to breathe, stand up tall and be strong for Hannah. There will be time for tears far into the future, but not now when she is still with us, happy and EATING and being her adorable self. Believe me I know it's a lot easier said than done, but it is possible. You are such a strong, optimistic lady I know you can do it. This doesn't mean the end, not by a long shot. Mets don't put an expiration date on our dogs, they can't say when the fight will be over. It's so different for all dogs.

Now, about controlling the met so it stabilizes, here are some resources:

There is an herb that Dr. McCullough discussed on Tripawd Talk Radio , which may help, it's here:

Breathing Through Cancer – holistic herbal therapies to control lung metastasis in dogs and cats
 
and her interview is here

 

This info may also help:

How to Help Coughing From Lung Mets

Sally,  you are in our hearts and thoughts, I hope you can feel the love and strength that's coming your way. We are here for you and Hannah. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet

Member Since:
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4 March 2014 - 9:12 am
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Omg Sally I was I were closer to you :(... I'm gonna say a few things,..though nothing that you don't already know..a) it's ok to be so upset. You just found out some serious news. And yes, it's damned hard to be in the now when this happens. It's ok to let yourself be human once and a while too. You know all the obvious stuff ..that Hannah meds you, etc, yu are our biggest cheerleader, and now it's our turn to step up and hold you guys up. I'm not neearly as eloquently spoken, but my tablet typing is almost as good ;)

I remember walking out of the office when I found out about chucks fracture. I didn't know what the future would hold. Each day is a new day,. Each day enjoy the good she has. She's eating, she's otherwise not in pain, her life is good. You know all that though. I knew all that too..sometimes it's hard to turn back out and see it when you get the news like this.

Just remember that nothing has changed ..just your knowledge of what is medically actually going on. She's the Same Hannah she was before you found this out. Listen to her. She'll tell you everything you need to know.

Were all soooo behind you ..more than you know. Anything at all that you need, we al all here. You can pm me for my number too..we love you guys so much Sally ..our hearts bleed for you...
Lori and the fam

Idaho
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12 March 2013
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4 March 2014 - 9:14 am
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Oh, Sally. I hardly know what to say. What devastating news. I guess that I should quote you, though, and tell you that Hannah doesn't know about any old diagnosis. She is still the same happy girl she always was. She and you will get through the time you have left together with the same strong bond as ever.

Now it is our turn to be strong for you. Feel free to rant, scream, cry or whatever you need to do. We are here.

Love, Kathi and Murphy

Murphy is a five year old Lab/Chessie cross. He was hit by a car on 10/29/12 and became a Tripawd on 11/24/12. On 2/5/13, he had a total hip replacement on his remaining back leg. He has absolutely no idea that he has only three legs!

UPDATE: Murphy lived his life to the fullest, right up until an aggressive bone lesion took him across the Rainbow Bridge on April 9, 2015 and he gained his membership in the April Angels. Run free, my love. You deserve it!

New York, NY
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3 December 2012
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4 March 2014 - 9:24 am
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PISS OFF CANCER.

 

Thats all.

 

Too mad to write more.

Jill is a 9-year-old tuxedo kitty. She was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma in June 2012 on her toe in her right hind leg. Her leg was amputated on 12/12/12 and she completed four rounds of chemo (2 of Carbo, 2 of Doxy) in April 2013. "Like" Jill's facebook page: https://www.fac.....tty?ref=hl Proud member of the WINTER WARRIORS!!!! Her blog can be read at http://jillsjou.....ipawds.com. xoxo

Ohio
Member Since:
21 February 2014
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4 March 2014 - 9:33 am
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Oh Sally! My heart breaks for you as I read this. I know I'm new to the Tripawd community but you have already offered me so much wisdom and encouragement. If there is anything I have learned over the past two weeks it is just what everyone else has said.. It's OK to cry! We as humans think about the future and crave the answers to things we don't always know. Let it out and let your mind be free to wonder for a little while. Then when you feel like you just can't cry anymore take a deep breath and look at your Happy Hannah and love her with everything you have loved her with thus far. You are a great mommy to her and she loves you so so much.

 

Praying for you and your Hannah  

Cody is our 7 year old Australian Heeler mix boy. Diagnosed on 2/20/14 and became a tripawd 2/21/14! We chose a homeopathic approach and he is being treated by Dr. Loops our of NC.

Southwestern Ontario, Canada
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22 November 2012
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4 March 2014 - 9:35 am
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Sally......

emotions are running through my body right now like a freaking roller coaster on a caffiene overdose... 

I sit and I shake my head because when I first read about Hannah being not so energetic.... everything came flooding back to me and I was praying... crossing everything possible, that it would not be what you have told us.  I know exactly.. EXACTLY how you are losing it.. how you feel like you have failed... how pissed you are.. and how devestated and lost you know you will be... 

BUT....

You know now what you are dealing with... you can have good quality time together.. hopefully you can get those meds that prevent the mets from growing bigger??  I never did that with my Franklin.  You see.. when he started with the lack of energy and a little bit of wheezing in March.. I never opted for the xrays because I didn't want to know.  I was afraid.  If I had them then.. they would have told me what to expect and I could have possibly started the medication to prevent the cells from growing over the next few months.  Perhaps it would have given me more time with him?  Maybe not.  I won't know because.. I didn't try hard enough.

It wasn't till I had the xrays done in late April that my vet told me he was full of mets.. FULL!!!  not just one...   LOTS!!  of course.. I felt extremely selfish and guilty.. I should have had them done sooner.. I should have had him on medication to prevent that.. I should have had more time.................I wanted more time.... 

But.. the little time we had together.. we spoiled him... and loved him... and we know that is exactly what you are going to do to Hannah.

My gawd girl.. how can you say that you did not love her enough?  I don't think that is the problem at all!!  As a matter of fact.. I think she has made it this far because you loved her soooooooooooooooooo much!!!

You know we all love you to bits..  and you know that we are here for you to yell with, scream with, laugh with and cry with.

And do not.. I repeat DO NOT beat yourself up... you are wasting precious time that could be spent on licking ice cream cones!!  I was going to say pig ears too.. but have you ever realy licked a pig ear?  ok.. I will admit it, I have.. they are freaking disgusting!!!

Keep us posted girlfriend....  and feel our love and warmth as you face this adventure with Hannah.... 

now.. back to those ice cream cones.....  big-blink

Christine.... with Franklin in her heart♥

 

 

 

Franklin, he was the Happiest Dog on Three Legs! Diagnosed 09/26/2012 with Osteosarcoma, amputated 12/4/2012.  Had a wonderful 5 1/2 months painfree until he ran for the Bridge on 5/15/2013.  Always in my heart, and always a guardian angel of my pack...   You can follow his Tripawd Adventures, before and after, in my blog, Frank'n'Farter!

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14 June 2012
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4 March 2014 - 9:40 am
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Sally,

We're all here for you. "Family" is there for each other through good and bad. We all love you and Happy Hannah so much!

Happy Hannah looks like she still has great quality of life. That's the only thing that's important. Try to move this awful news to a little back corner and continue to love and cherish her every day like you always do. No one knows how long this ugly thing has been there, so maybe it will just stay the way it is for awhile.

With love,
Carol





Member Since:
16 October 2012
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4 March 2014 - 9:55 am
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Sally,

1st off DO NOT EVER EVER THINK YOU CAN NOT TALK TO US.  We are here for you now just like we were day 1 of Happy Hannah's journey.  I was praying beyond prayers that it was just a cold but in my heart I had a doubt.  I guess that's why I asked if you did x-rays.  Sassy slowed down too.  

 

2nd you are entitled to cry, stomp, kick, throw things, scream yell curse words etc.  We are your family.  You were here for me and I am for you.  This time sucks.  I will tell you that you don't have to be strong.  Its hard to be positive and we don't expect you to be. Sometimes its still hard for me to be positive.  I commend you for all you do for this community.  You are a great cheerleader.  Remember there isn't a time stamp on Happy Hannah.  She will let you know when she is ready. 

I posted in the other post in ask a vet if you need to talk please send me a private message and I will give you my phone number.  Trust me I am here for you.  Call. 

 

Katy said everything perfect.  You have been here for us.  Please don't shut us out now that you need us.  You needed to tell us that you were worried, scared, hate cancer.  Heck curse if you need to.  Just let us be here for YOU.  We love Hannah too.

 

I know I am wanting to scream & curse.  I hate this God awful disease. 

 

Hugs & love

Michelle & Angel Sassy

sassymichelle-sm.jpg

Sassy is a proud member of the Winter Warriors. Live long, & strong Winter Warriors.
sassysugarbear.tripawds.com
07/26/2006 - Sassy earned her wings 08/20/2013

05/04/2006 -  Bosch, Sassy's pal, earned his wings 03/29/19  fought cancer for 4 months.

"You aren't doing it TO her, you are doing it FOR her. Give her a chance at life."

Los Angeles, CA
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13 June 2013
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4 March 2014 - 10:06 am
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I'm in shock. I am speechless and that never happens. I feel like I've been punched in the gut. Sally, my heart breaks for you! You have been one of my main lifelines through all of this. Through my ups and downs, if I got a message/comment from Sally and Happy Hannah, I knew all would be OK. I knew I would find the soothing that I needed. PLEASE let us do that for you. We love you! We love Hannah. We all HATE cancer! It's simply not fair. 

But like the others have said .... Hannah doesn't know she is sick. She has NO clue. She just knows that you are sad and she wants to help you be happy. You are her entire world and she loves you so much and she knows you do and have done everything for her. She made it ONE YEAR post amp! Let's continue to celebrate that amazing milestone! She still wants to eat! She still wants to snuggle. She is the same girl !!! Nothing has changed in her world.

Please feel free to PM or anything ... I love you so very much and wish I could take the hurt away. But you are a radience of positivity and we are sending you lots of love and light and healing energy .... 

 

Alison and Shelby 

Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.

October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014

Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife

New York, NY
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3 December 2012
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4 March 2014 - 10:45 am
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OK.  I have composed myself (somewhat). 

First of all Salt, dont you ever ever criticize yourself for being down.  Or for adding to anything that's happening around here.  That is what we are here for.  We're all on this journey together.  To celebrate the milestones - and what milestones Happy Hannah has had!  And to cry, yell and feel sad when the bad news hits.  For some unknown reason, we were all brought together and none of us are going to leave you by the wayside.  We are here for you.  Just as you have been here for us.  You are the greatest cheerleader we have.  And we are now your biggest cheerleader.

You have EVERY right to be upset. You have EVERY right to lean on us right now.  I hope you can feel the hugs, the strength wrapped around you in every one of the posts above.  You and Happy Hannah are a beloved part of this family and we are not going to let you go now - you hold onto this life line as tight as you possibly can.  We are never going to miss your typos because YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

Second, look at your baby.  She is still feeling pretty great right?  I know you didnt want to do those x-rays.  So just remember, she doesnt know.  She has no idea.  She just wants to keep snuggling and eating and begging for food!  It's OK if you dont feel like being strong.  Let it all out.  But keep on loving her, give her big hugs.  She doesn't know ANY difference. 

Third of all, because I cant help it SCREW YOU CANCER.  Sorry. Cant help it.

I'm sending you tons and tons of hugs right now.  I hope you can feel them from a few states away.  Jill is sending lots of nose licks.

xoxo forever and always,

Erica & Jill

Jill is a 9-year-old tuxedo kitty. She was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma in June 2012 on her toe in her right hind leg. Her leg was amputated on 12/12/12 and she completed four rounds of chemo (2 of Carbo, 2 of Doxy) in April 2013. "Like" Jill's facebook page: https://www.fac.....tty?ref=hl Proud member of the WINTER WARRIORS!!!! Her blog can be read at http://jillsjou.....ipawds.com. xoxo

Member Since:
10 June 2013
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4 March 2014 - 11:19 am
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Blah. . I'm gonna add one more because I can't stop thinking of you guys. ..

I know you want some advice as to where to go from her. Obviously Dr isn't in from of my name so I can only speak from experience ..
Give the metro a try and a chance if you can. Yes doc has his opinions on how successful it might not be based on the size of the tumor. .. But it's just an educated guess at this point. They said Chuck only had weeks. He blessed us with almost 6 months.. And that tumor didn't spread, nor did it grow in that 6 months. He surprised many. So I guess it's always worth a shot if you think it is. . Don't let statistics get in the way of that. . My theory is if can't hurt. . Why not? Every one is different though.

Have they talked about palladia? I was just wondering ...

Praying for you guys,
lori

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