Now I was thinking of putting this in the Grief forum, since I've been living with anticipatory grief for, oh, months now. However, this is really a thank you, a breath of relief, and little holiday survival story.

Manni is on the maximum dose of pain meds that I am willing to administer. However, for the past few weeks he's been declining nonetheless. Now, we're talking osteosarcoma on the ribcage, one big tumor that's pressing on the spine and and the lung. My biggest, most horrifying fear has been to wait too long with letting him go because we're talking PAIN here. I am absolutely horrified of not making the right decision at the right time but waiting too long, putting him in misery. Yes, having my dog die will kill me, but the thought of him suffering is worse. And while I am obviously thankful that we, as humans, get the opportunity to let our pets go before it gets too bad, I have also felt that having to make the decision at a certain point in time is too much of a responsibility. I am not God. I just don't know everything, I don't have all the information I feel I need. 

Manni's walks have gotten so short that sometimes I literally take him out of the car, he hops for about 5 yards and sits. Now, I am absolutely convinced that he does so because he's in pain. Which I promised to not let him be in. So last weekend I made the decision to let him go by the end of this week. I talked to my boyfriend and my mother, both of whom know Manni well, both of whom said that no matter what I decided it would be the right thing. Which is not the same as voicing their own opinion, if you know what I mean...

Mind you: at home, Manni is still full of life. I don't mean that he jumps around and plays obviously, but he enjoys his food, his eyes are full of life, he ENJOYS things. 

Can you see the predicament?? I am scared to death that my tough boy, who's never showed any pain in his life if he could avoid it, is already in too much pain. I mean he must be: we are talking osteo after all. That's the dog who tore a tendon at age 6 and ran around with it for 6 months without limping! Who never limped before the day of his amputation until he couldn't walk at all anymore. 

Now, to come to the point of this post: 

since I had to drive to my vet to get more meds anyway I decided to bring Manni along and talk things through with her. I had sent her a short video of our morning "walk" for her to be able to see him outside of her practice. 

What she said was: "You know, what I see is a happy dog who doesn't want to walk much anymore because his body is failing him and he's in pain. But you know what? I see him in this video and I see him in here and there is just still SO much life in him. He is trying so hard to hang on still, he is just not ready to give up. And I am sorry to be brutally honest here, but if you ask me to come to your house this weekend to put him down I will have a hard time doing that in good conscience and it would almost go against my ethics. Yes, I am sure you are right. He is in pain. Probably in considerable pain. But he is not ready. " And then she apologized again for being so "brutally honest".

And you know what? I was THANKFUL! I was so relieved that this decision was not on my shoulders alone anymore but that I finally had another opinion. This really wasn't about the fact that I didn't have to let him go right now or that I would get a few more days, but it was really all about not being alone in having to make this impossible decision.

I have met quite a few vets in my life, be it for horses or dogs, and I know that oftentimes they have a hard time giving their honest opinion not least because of legal issues they may face because of it. So having a gutsy, honest vet that you have established a good rapport with is worth more than anything in times like these. so this is our Thanksgiving post to all of those vets out there. 

While this is not a holiday in Germany, I am still thankful right now for the most courageous dog I ever knew, for having a gutsy local vet by our sides, and for this community. Who needs anything else?

Happy Thanksgiving my friends