"When their pain is over, ours is only beginning."

First off I want to say that I thank everyone for reaching out to me.

It could very well be true that I took words of advice in the wrong context due

to my 'crazed' state.  I know that you are all animal lovers, and knew what I was

going through.

In hindsight, I see that I really didn't know what I was going through at all. Which

may explain how my posts were confusing to some. 

It was like being placed in the jungle with no weapon of defense, and trying to

figure your way out.  As you struggled through, you had someone to protect

(Roadie), and you had no idea how to make it to the other side.

I joined this site because I wanted to be part of a family of three legged dogs.

I wanted to learn how to care for him, and give him the best life possible.

But I wasn't just dealing with an amputation, I (he) had so much else to contend with.

I sought information here , information that I was not given by my vet.

Quickly I began to see that Roadie was on a very bad road.  What was I to do?

I kept hoping his other paw would get better, that was the main thing.  If he could

beat that, than there was a chance.  But the foot grew worse…day by day he was

walking less and less.  Yet I was still hoping……still seeking information!

He was eating, but not eating anywhere near what I knew he was capable.  I saw

him not want to drink, so I took water cupped in my hand, and brought it to his mouth.

My friends here on Tripawds…IT IS SO HARD TO GIVE UP.

Yes, djblockman I sit here suffering that empty-painful feeling.  I look for a dog that is

no longer here, and never will be again.  I was a dog owner/lover, and now I have no dog.

Perhaps there is a meaning to my coming here, and sharing Roadie's story.  Maybe someday

someone will be looking for vasculitis, and find it here…….

All I know is I miss Roadie terribly, and as the title of this thread states…I still remain so lost.

Thank you, and god bless you all as you struggle to keep your animals/friends alive.  I will

continue to read, and cheer for the successes.