I can tell something's not right…

What can I say?  She's a big girl dobie-mix cancer survivor and we've had 11.5 good post-amp months, but the past couple of days something has changed and I have a gut feeling that we are sadly turning a corner.  She's still a smiling happy pup, and she seems fine as long as she's lying down, but whenever she's standing up, she's constantly panting and even though we live in California, it's not hot here.

She spending much of the day resting, but she's been a lazy girl for a while now (hey, she's about 12 years old and that's super senior citizen in big dog years).  She's eating and drinking normally, but didn't take her place under the dining table by the high chairs like she always does, which is a first.

In general, she's slowing down and has been restless at night and we know the inevitable is headed our way (weeks? months? Who knows).  Thankfully, she doesn't seem to be in any pain and *maybe* this is nothing, but….

At any rate, we are confident that she'll let us know when she's ready to go but until then we'll enjoy each day and just make sure that she's comfortable and pain-free.  Honestly, as soon as there's ANY indication that she's not happy, we're prepared to do what's right.  If there was a full moon, it would explain almost everything, but that's not the case.

My dear mother passed away just a few months ago from cancer and I feel like I've just gone through all this.  <sigh>  Let's hope I'm just being paranoid because I can't bear the thought of having to explain to my three little girls why we experiencing another loss.  :(

Thanks for listening,

Mari and Mika the Wonder Dog

I'm sorry to hear about Mika (and your Mom). Hopefully Mika's behavior is nothing serious or indicative of something bad.

Sending positive thoughts your way.

Thanks everyone for your support!  And no worries, Ge'Lena, I am really grateful for that piece of advice about looking for graying gums.  The truth of the matter is, as Jerry pointed out, Mika is oooold.  LOL  Even if she had never got cancer and still had 4 legs, we'd probably be at this point anyway.  The fact that I'm still grieving for my mother just makes this seem all that much harder to take.

I have no regrets – I'm just hoping that whatever happens, it's not too hard on HER.  I'm afraid it will be very difficult on my five year old, since Mika sleeps in her room.  Naomi negotiated this arrangement because she claimed that it wasn't fair that her little twin sisters had each other in their room and mommy and daddy had their own room but that she was all by herself, so Mika should sleep with her! Hard to argue with that logic!

By the way, one of Naomi's favorite books was your recommendation, "Annie Loses Her Leg But Finds Her Way".  Right after Mika's amputation, we were at the grocery store and my little 4 year old tells the person behind us in the checkout line, "My dog was sick and has three legs now." and the surprised woman says, "Oh my!" To which Naomi replied, "Well, Mika lost her leg, but she found her happiness."  :)

Poor Mika.  Poor us…

P.S. the link Buying Time on an Emotional Budget seems to be broken, but I'm very interested in reading it if you can point me iin the right direction.

Hooray for the upcoming ampuversary!!!!! How EXCITING!  And even if something internal is going on, that doesn't mean that Mika has to stop enjoying herself – my profile pic is Jack about a week before he turned invisible (his liver was pretty much one huge tumor)…he doesn't look like he's worried about much of anything, does he?  I hope you and Mika have tons of happy moments left! 

<3 Laura and Invisible Jack

Mari,

Let me add my condolences on the death of your mother.  I am so sorry to hear of her passing.  I lost my father in November, one year after losing Emily,  so I know how hard it is.  

On a positive note, congratulations on One Year with Mika.  I'm sorry she doesn't have the perk she used to but it really could be just her age.  Because you have just experienced such an overwhelming loss you may just be super sensitive to Mika.  You know things to look for and I truly believe that Mika will let you know when it is time.  In the meantime, I love how it sounds like you are embracing your time together.

Debra