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Why losing a dog can be harder than losing a relative or friend. | Page 2 | Coping with Loss

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Why losing a dog can be harder than losing a relative or friend.
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London, UK
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15 March 2017 - 12:22 am
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Those couple of days aside, I was less dog than I needed and wanted to be for her the rest of the time. Not something I will forgive myself for anytime soon.

It's that statement, that feeling, that needs 'dogging up', Teri! I can't bear to think of you tormenting yourself when you were such a WONDERFUL mum to Isa. The fact of the matter is we're not dogs. We do our best, and we can learn a great deal, but we are all of us works in progress. Please, please don't beat yourself up for being human! Isa was loved and cherished. Isa still is loved and cherished. She was a lucky girl to have you for a Mum, and she knew it. You could see it in her expression. I LOVE it when her banner comes up. It always makes me smile.

Great big hug. PLEASE BE KIND TO YOURSELF!

Meg, Clare and Elsie Pie xxx

Meg, Mutt, aged around 8, adopted 31/12/2009. Sudden explosive right elbow fracture 06/12 (caused by IOHC), diagnosed with End Stage Arthritis 03/15, Total Elbow Replacement 08/15, problems with healing leading to skin graft & skin flap surgery, Chronic Infection leading to implant breakdown. Became a Tripawd 9th March 2016. 
Lives with Elsie Pie, & Mum, Clare, watched over by Angel Billie
My life as a MEG-A-STAR
Schofield, WI
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15 March 2017 - 11:03 am
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So true Clare!  Teri none of us can be dog all the time.  Our human nature keeps that from happening.  You gave sweet Isa a grand and spectacular life.  Never doubt that!  There is absolutely nothing you did or didn't do to have to forgive yourself for.   You loved Isa to the moon and back and did everything in your power you could do to help him.   Isa was happy and knew he was loved.  No dog could have more.  Hugs!

Santa Fe, NM
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15 March 2017 - 11:04 am
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Thanks Clare, a lot.

I am working on it and it's not a matter of feeling like I didn't love her enough. It's more about practical things after her diagnosis, exercise and supplements and such. Yes, I did the best I could but wished even at the time I could have upped the ante. And done more/better with her bucket list. That "golden" window that existed post-chemo where she was feeling good and getting around well was relatively short. and of course I thought I would have more time with her. That's almost a given for all of us.

She was a lucky girl to have you for a Mum, and she knew it. You could see it in her expression.

thanks even more for this - a definite help.

I guess my brain is just messy this week. It happens.

Give Meg and Elsie big ol' snuggles from me!

peace

Right rear leg amp 7/12/16 due to OSA. Metastatic lesion on her right front leg, January 2017. Joined the Winter Warriors January 19, 2017. Run free my sweet girl.

Schofield, WI
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15 March 2017 - 11:27 am
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So sorry Teri I said he meant she.  I think we all come to a point where we have to be able to forgive ourselves because we couldn't "fix" them.  I know I struggle with the coulda, woulda shoulda's even over a year later.  

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15 March 2017 - 2:40 pm
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Having been through so much grief over the last 1 year, losing 3 pups and most recently my sweet Moby, I can totally relate to the intense grief you feel when they are gone cryingThe first week without him when I would be outside on the porch I would hear him bark to be let out to come sit with me 🙁 The connections we have with these precious beings is nothing short of inexplainable especially those who do not have pets. 

I never get over any of them but there have been a couple in particular that the grief is still very near, Moby is one of those special ones.

I read something once that to love a dog and they love you in return is a joy beyond belief but with it comes the greatest heartbreak and loss.

Missing all my fluffies always sad

Los Angeles, CA
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15 March 2017 - 4:00 pm
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teri said
Thanks Clare, a lot.

I am working on it and it's not a matter of feeling like I didn't love her enough. It's more about practical things after her diagnosis, exercise and supplements and such. Yes, I did the best I could but wished even at the time I could have upped the ante. And done more/better with her bucket list. That "golden" window that existed post-chemo where she was feeling good and getting around well was relatively short. and of course I thought I would have more time with her. That's almost a given for all of us.

I get it ... I SO get it. There is so much more I wish I could have with Shelby ... we had only started our traveling and adventures the 2nd half of her life before she got ill. It also wasn't as popular to "travel with dogs" as it is now but when I think of the adventures Jasper has ... the parks, the vacations, the airplanes ... SO much more I wish I could have done with Shelby if we had started earlier. BUT I have to stop myself and remind myself that the time we had together - each second - meant more to Shelby than if she was on a plane or in a national forest. It wasn't the "WHERE" with Shelby or the "photo opps" but the moments of being with mom that made her life AMAZING! And people always told me if they came back in another life, they would like to come back as my dog! Because I am all in when it comes to love (of canines - people not so much)! XOXO

Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.

October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014

Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife

Santa Fe, NM
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15 March 2017 - 5:16 pm
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I never intended to hi-jack this thread - I do apologize for that.

I remember talking to Renee just after I got the call from the vet about Isa's second lesion - she was talking about Jerry and I heard it in her voice, the never-get-over. I saw my future, all of our futures.

And some/a lot of my guilt is the day job - I'm gone all day but what choice is there? I spent two years struggling with that aspect before Isa's smiling face turned up on the shelter's website and I forgot everything else. So that issue has/will come up again when I contemplate a new furbaby. (Please notice I say "when".) Retirement is a long, long way off as yet.

I read something once that to love a dog and they love you in return is a joy beyond belief but with it comes the greatest heartbreak and loss.

Amen to that. I know of at least one woman that refused to get another dog, ever, after she lost hers, for that very reason. I can't fault her for that but it does seem to me that overall the benefits outweigh the downside. Maybe not right this minute but generally speaking. Isa saved me over and over and over.

I think we should all come back in our next life as our dogs. Seems like a pretty sweet deal.

I promise I'll be a bit nicer to me - most of the time I know I did all I could for Isa, even if I do wish it could have been more on some days.

Giant hugs to each of you! Thanks for listening!

peace

Right rear leg amp 7/12/16 due to OSA. Metastatic lesion on her right front leg, January 2017. Joined the Winter Warriors January 19, 2017. Run free my sweet girl.

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15 March 2017 - 5:30 pm
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If it's any consolation, there was a time when I wanted to spend every minute with Otis - no big activities, just being together, especially during that wonderful post-chemo window.  At some point, I realized that he actually wanted me to go to work so he could spend his days napping on the sofa or in the sun.  Our normal routine might not have made much of a bucket list, but that was what he was happiest with.  

Otis - 106 pound lab/Dane mix, lost his right front leg to osteosarcoma on Febuary 9, 2016.  Four rounds of carboplatin completed in April, 2016.  Lung mets August 25, 2016.  Said goodbye too soon on September 4, 2016.   Lost his adopted sister, Tess, suddenly on October 9, 2016. likely due to hemangiosarcoma.  

Wherever they are, they are together.

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