i totally feel like this. i havent gotten over losing her. Everything i did was centered around her. Its been 5 months now, and my emotional state is still very delicate. I miss her every day, and at least 1 or 2 times a week i cry. i constantly talk about her still, to the point that i have to force myself to not keep going there (as my family is growing weary. Its not because they dont understand, its because they want me to be strong. But i cant. She was my first dog). I dont have any kids either, maybe that is why i put so much into her.

I get upset with myself when i cant remember details: like her smelly paws, the way she would spy on me, the big snout preventing me from seeing my blind spot etc…and i know this summer when its time for the beach its going to KILL me to be there, my favorite place in the world, without my sweet Shelli Belle.

I had to put her toy basket up and that was really tough.

Rene, 

I'm glad the whole "losing your job" part resonates with you, too. And I appreciate that you say one day it all fell into place. And that you have a job again, because the timing was right. I know one day I'll have a job again, and I'm trying to enjoy the empty spaces. Right now it is 6:00 and I'm still at the office, checking email, listening to music, and just enjoying the time.

It's like Oprah once said, fake it 'till you make it!

Thanks to all of you for so beautifully & honestly putting into words my ever present, fear & anxiety. As I write this, Isabelle is here, bickering with a cat over who knows what. I am unspeakably grateful for that, yet there is always the nagging truth, that it won't always be so…It's like the huge elephant in the room, that those around me try to gingerly approach, I'm sure quietly thinking I need to be better prepared.

Just losing my oldest cat recently, brought to my attention just how many accommodations I made because of her feeding schedule & preferences alone. Isabelle, has been the focus of every aspect of my life for five and a half years. I've changed jobs twice for her. Between rehab, acupuncture, massage, chiro, laser, at home therapy, play dates, therapy visits….every moment is accounted for. As we live in a dog friendly area, other than work, the only place she doesn't go is the grocery store…then she waits in the car, as I make the mad dash in & out. Just going to bed is a project, deciding which of her 8 beds she's going to sleep on, so I can set up her humidifier, put her robe on, so her back isn't cold, plug in all the night lights…..What will I do when that job is done??? I have no plan & I can't formulate one.

Before Isabelle ever had any health problem, I used to say, my next dog was going to be the lunging, barking, pulling, growling bundle of challenges I would no longer be up for, because no one could be so blessed twice. There isn't an easier dog, anywhere. Who is going to take another dog out in the middle of the night, when I am gone for 14 hours, 2 days a week? Isabelle can wait. If I sleep all day after work, Isabelle does too…the list & anxiety go on & on…

I know how crazy I sound occupying my mind with this, when she is at my side & there's nothing I can do about it anyway, but it's reassuring to know others have the same feelings.

Cynthia