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The end is coming and I am falling apart. | Coping with Loss

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The end is coming and I am falling apart.
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17 February 2018 - 7:51 pm
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Well, here I am standing at the corner of Reality & Hell.  Zato's breathing is getting worse and I know we're near the end.  He's coughing a lot, even with the medications, and his breathing is fast and shallow.  I don't want to wait on things to get really, really bad.  He is looking tired but he still wags his tail and is happy to eat.  But there are changes.  We have our morning cuddle still but it's not as much and he won't give me kisses anymore (maybe I have morning breath big-grin).  He is still a little playful, but I see him slipping away.

His coughing sounds so bad and I know it hurts him.  I know it's about time to call it.  He's been so strong and so brave, and he's made it for so long, but I see it in his eyes...he's tired.  He's an old man and he's my sweet boy, and I am not going to watch him struggle for breath and lose all joy for living.

I'm just so sad and I don't know how I am going to do this.  If anyone could just pray for me or send me some good thoughts, I would really appreciate it.  I know Zato isn't worried about anything.  Why would he worry?  He's going to a place he already knows.

We were thinking of having a nice day tomorrow and then having the vet come to the house Monday or we could take him there.  He never minded going to the vet because he gets treats and they all love him :).

Tracy & Warrior Angel Zatoichi 💓

Zato was diagnosed with osteosarcoma in October 2016. He triumphed through radiation and amputation with dignity and grace. After living a life of love and happiness, Zato earned his angel wings on February 19, 2018.  Read his story here.

Michigan
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17 February 2018 - 8:57 pm
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I'm really sorry you're going through this.  It truly is the most difficult part of our journey. crying

We were lucky in one way with Murphy, in that he never had any mets, so we never had to listen to that cough ...I've heard it described here many times and it's sound so very difficult to listen to, it must be heart-wrenching to hear.  Murphy's end came on somewhat quickly, but then not so much when I look back ..funny how that works.  He developed a hemangiosarcoma  ...stupid 2nd cancer!  so not fair .. mad

You know that you have given Zato an amazing life!  Full of love, joy and laughter.  With you he has known what love is again, and he learned to trust again, and that's huge.  He's not only got a 2nd chance at life, but a 3rd with surgery & chemo ..wow!  What a lucky boy!  And you got to watch him blossom under your love, he grew and changed and became the boy who trusts that you will do what has to be done.

We were hoping to do at home euthanasia with Murphy, but we weren't able to because of the circumstances of his sudden diagnosis.  But we did take our other dogs with us to the vet while we said good-bye.  I had read that it's important for their grieving process to be able to sniff them as they leave this world.  It seemed to help.

Please know that we are all with you

heartDonna

Donna, Glenn & Murphy  http://murphyh......pawds.com/

Murphy had his right front leg amputated due to histiocytic sarcoma at 7 years old.  He survived 4 years, 2 months & 1 week, only to be taken by hemangiosarcoma at 11 1/2 years 6/12/17  

Donna.png

Virginia
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17 February 2018 - 9:00 pm
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Our dear sweet Tracy.    I know this was si hard to write.    Our hearts ache with you and for you.Please  know we are right here with you and will help hold you up as you travel through this part of the journey. 

Know this to be true.  Your love for the ADORAVLE Zato is strong and your commitment to his well being is absolutely  unshakable. That devotion   WILL carry you through the upcoming days. You WILL be able to ccontinue to stay ffuly present with Zato and not waste one ssecondmissing him while he is still with you.  Yoir Soul deep love for Zato is your strength right now.   And hopefully knowing you are surrounded with the love and strength of your tripawd family will also help sustain you.

You're right.  Zato isn't worried abojt a thing!  He has no fear and, when the time comes, he will head back home carryy your love with him, and leaving his love for you nestled safely in your heart.heart

I also was avle to help my Happy Hannah jump into her Angel Wings (made out of chocolate) before she faced a crisis.    She never mised a meal and never stopped wagging.  When it was clear that she couldn't sleep well at night because of that damn met and it exhausted her just going out to pee, I knew I had to give her the gift of freedom and the opportunity to be whole and healthy again.   Not all of us are "lucky" enough to avert a crisis and be  able to maintain some form of  "quality" before the scales tip completely out of their favor.

You are making Zato heads home with his dignity and while he still finds some joy in just being with you.

I'm glad that Zato is still eating because that means you can give him some of his favorite forbidden foods!!  Ice cream, cake, cheese pizza, even a couple of M&Ms!!     By staying in the NOW, you can continue to make each moment even better than the one before...if that's even possible!  All of Zato's moments with you jave been glorious and he wouldn't change a thing!! 🙂

We're all sending you our love, our stre gth, our prayers.  We are all holding you up and hugging you tightly.  Remember, your love for Zato is strong, unshakeable and your commitment to his well being is unwavering.heart

Now go give that sweet Zato something yummy from all of us!

Surrounding you with our love

Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

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17 February 2018 - 9:14 pm
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Tracy,

I'm so sorry to read this.  As others have said, this is so hard, but Zato is so lucky to have you making sure his journey over the bridge is peaceful.  Breathe and be kind to yourself.  We will all be thinking of you and your sweet Zato.

Wanda

London, UK
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18 February 2018 - 1:16 am
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I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts.

Sending love,

Meg, Clare and Angel Pie xxx

Meg, Mutt, aged around 9, adopted 31/12/2009. Sudden explosive right elbow fracture 06/12 (caused by IOHC), diagnosed with End Stage Arthritis 03/15, Total Elbow Replacement 08/15, problems with healing leading to skin graft & skin flap surgery, Chronic Infection leading to implant breakdown. Became a Tripawd 9th March 2016. 
Lives with Mum, Clare, watched over by Angel Pie and Angel Billie
My life as a MEG-A-STAR 


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18 February 2018 - 7:15 am
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You and Zato are in our thoughts as well.  Sending positive energy.

Love,

Dawn and Fallon

(and Paul and Maggie)

Fallon (Tripawd) and Maggie (quadpawd), Greyhounds.  Dawn and Paul, 2 leggers.

Fallon's left front leg was amputated due to osteosarcoma on 10/11/17.

Nothing But Love in Her Heart - dawn3g.tripawds.com

Canada
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18 February 2018 - 8:00 am
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Tracy, Richard and Zato

My heart is going out to you right now! Im sorry that you are at this stage with your beautiful brave boy! Words can not express how you feel and they cetainly can not give you much comfort. But please know that beyond these words come a heart felt hug that hopefully encompasses you all! The grief may seem too much at times, especially today, but just love your boy... try not to think about tomorrow, it’s too much right now. 

You are also being a very brave soul Tracy for reaching out and asking for this loving energy to come your way!!! May you feel every ounce of love that with be surrounding you through this extremely difficult time! If anyone understands, we do!!! 

Bless you Zato for being such a beautiful soul, you have obviously been loved to the moon and back and that love, as you know will continue to grow and it will ensure that you will always be here for your Mum and Dad right?!

Take good care Tracy, we will be here for you. Just shout it out!!!! Tons of loving energy coming your way!!! heartheartheartheartheart

Petra, Stewie 🐾 and his Pride >^..^<

On July 10/17 I became a Super Tripawd! You can find out more about my Pawrents Allensong but first Check out my 🎗 journey Super Stu Remember...“live in the moment!“  

The Rainbow Bridge

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18 February 2018 - 12:45 pm
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We are sending sooooooo much love and hugs your way Tracy, Richard and Zato. heartheartheart Can you feel it?

None of us are ever prepared for this huge step in our relationship with our animals. There just never seems to be a 'right' time even though we know in our minds that we are doing the most compassionate thing for them. But you are stronger than you know, and so wise for not waiting until there is a drastic, horrible situation. It sounds like your heart is connecting with your brain, and you know where everything stands. See how wise you are? Good for you for helping Zato into his transition as an eternal soul, you are doing exactly what a loving, caring parent does for their dog.

Treasure this day and know that if you do decide to move forward with the vet call, that your Zato will go on and feel your love in his soul as he tries those angel wings on for size. No dog could ever ask for more from his people. 

We are keeping you in our hearts guys.

xoxo

It's better to hop on three legs than to limp on four.™
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18 February 2018 - 5:29 pm
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Tracy - thinking of you and sending positive thoughts to you and Zato.

Tracey & Tai

Schofield, WI
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18 February 2018 - 5:36 pm
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This breaks my heart!  Sending the most loving thoughts and prayers and strength to you all at this hardest of times.  

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19 February 2018 - 9:27 am
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Thank you for holding me up in your hearts.  My baby got his wings this morning.  I want to talk about it when I can.

Here he is at bedtime last night:

IMG_2831-e1519057182216.jpgImage Enlarger

Tracy & Warrior Angel Zatoichi 💓

Zato was diagnosed with osteosarcoma in October 2016. He triumphed through radiation and amputation with dignity and grace. After living a life of love and happiness, Zato earned his angel wings on February 19, 2018.  Read his story here.

Virginia
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19 February 2018 - 10:03 am
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Oh sweet Tracy. We are all crying with you today. We all know there are no words.....we can only say we understand ALL aspects kf this journey like no others can.

We understand every single loving action you took on Zato's behalf, including the gift of release while Zato could still be Zzto. At some point, that will bring you comfort.

Zato is back home now, whole and healthy znd watching over you! He was greeted by all his tripawd family who, along with gaining their wi gs, gained back their fourth leg!! He was greeted with wheelbarrows full of every junk food imaginable! He WILL connect with you and let you know he is still present by your side. Pay attention for his signs.

Know that we are here with you. When you can, please share more of your sweet boy with us. We all fell in @oce with him from the start. That mug of his...his wonderful runway model good @ooks with his strong bone structure and smoochable mug..yeah....we adore him!

Surrounding you with Zato's happy memories and eternal lightheart

Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

London, UK
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19 February 2018 - 10:34 am
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That's a lovely picture. Zato looks so calm and peaceful. Totally secure in your love and in the knowledge that you will always put his needs first, releasing him, protecting him from suffering, and holding him forever in your hearts. I'm so sorry, Tracy and Richard. I know how much this hurts. Please feel the love surrounding you and supporting you and holding you up. We are here for you when you are ready to talk.

Meg, Clare and Angel Pie xxx

Meg, Mutt, aged around 9, adopted 31/12/2009. Sudden explosive right elbow fracture 06/12 (caused by IOHC), diagnosed with End Stage Arthritis 03/15, Total Elbow Replacement 08/15, problems with healing leading to skin graft & skin flap surgery, Chronic Infection leading to implant breakdown. Became a Tripawd 9th March 2016. 
Lives with Mum, Clare, watched over by Angel Pie and Angel Billie
My life as a MEG-A-STAR 


The Rainbow Bridge

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19 February 2018 - 11:10 am
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Sweet Zato, run free great warrior, you will be dearly missed down here on earth but we know that the heavens will be brighter because you're in it. It was an honor having you in our community, and now you will forever be a part of the circle of legendary Tripawds.

I'm so sorry Richard and Tracy, our hearts are heavy for you, what a great loss. Your boy fought so hard and really rocked it on three legs. We thought of him last night, and smiled as we watched that kitschy Japanese flick "Zatoichi" in his honor. 

It's better to hop on three legs than to limp on four.™
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19 February 2018 - 4:42 pm
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Tracy, I'm so sorry.  Zato does look loved, calm and peaceful in that photo. 

Hugs to you and Richard.

Tracey & Tai

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