Shadow is not our tripawd but was an amazing member of our pack.  Last Wednesday he was scheduled for a vet appointment.  He was not eating and didn't have much energy so we wanted to have him checked out.  I was sitting on the floor brushing him – he loved to be brushed – and he just stopped moving.  One minute he was lifting his head to checkout what I was doing and the next he was gone. 

I had mentally prepared myself for Radar's passing – knowing that the cancer could and would come for him but this was unexpected.  I think I am still in shock.  My husband was at work and I had to call him hysterical to get him to come home (we only have one car at the moment).  thankfully all of the other dogs were outside when it happened and I didn't need to worry about their worries or investigations.  It was a long hour sitting there petting him, crying and waiting for Dan to get there.  Large amounts of blood were coming from his nose and for some reason I am still unable to get the stain out of the carpet. 

Dan got there and broke down. He lovingly wrapped Shadow in a blanket with a pillow for his head and we took him to the vet.  Dr. Fouty felt the large amount of blood coming from his nose was unusual and we decided to have a necropsy done.  Shadow had a very large heart defect and thinning heart wall.  the heart wall burst leaving a hole large enough for Dr. fouty to put her finger through.  The large amounts of blood were due to the hole pumping all his blood into Shadow's lungs when it burst.    She said he would have died nearly instantly  and even if we had brought him in days earlier they would not have known of the heart defect without an ultrasound and with no murmurs or anything to prompt and ultrasound .. well we could not have forseen it. 

I am grateful that he did not suffer but Dan and I are both lost.  Randomly crying and unable to accomplish much.  I have to stop myself every day from calling him to go outside or get his dinner (he always wanted a personal invitation).  This was sudden, unexpected.. he was a young dog (7 years).  There is an empty spot in the house and in our hearts. 

Oh what a horrible shock for you. 

I am sooo sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a sad story. My heart goes out to you and your family.

My Thoughts and Prayers,

Fortis'Dad Brett

Thank you all.  I go through phases in this:

 - extreme sadness

 - need to spend time with the other pups who are confused as to why mom is hugging them so tight

 - a need to talk about it which is sometimes counter productive

 - and just plain numbness.

I wish I could find a way to "not" think about it at all – to remember the life and not the death.  I know it will take time

Thank you Mary,  I did try out a pet loss chat room today and it seemed to help a bit.  Will keep working on it.

Just got off the phone with the vet.  Blade's biopsy came in – "undifferentiated carcinoma"  so it is cancer but we don't know what kind or how it will act.  Not the news I need right now.