We set McGwire free today.  He told us it was time-he'd stopped eating and drinking Friday and couldn't move anymore.  His front leg was very swollen and he felt warm. We don't know what it was that finally did it, though part of me thinks it could have been kidney failure. He was ready.  Brent and I were both able to be there to comfort him and it was over quickly.  I kept some of his hair but left him with his collar and first toy.  He was such a good dog- the nanny-dog, the lifeguard, the grump old man, the southern gentleman. He is loved and missed so much. 

Explaining it to the boys has been hard.  Parker's preschool hamster died this weekend too, so that is helping him understand the finality of it.  Carter is 2 and just doesn't get it.  It's also hard when all I want to do is to curl up in bed and they still need dinner on the table, bottoms wiped, etc.  I'm sure the next few days will be that hardest on them, but we've been preparing them in some ways without trying to scare them or overwhelm them. 

The house seems empty without him.  I don't know what to do with his stuff.  Part of me wants to get it out of my sight, the other part doesn't want to deal with it yet.  In time, I will.  I also want to create some sort of memorial for him.  Just not ready yet. 

Honestly, I just feel kind of numb and almost a relief that he isn't suffering any more.  The last week was really bad, and I find peace in the fact that he's OK now.  He's laying in the sun somewhere in heaven, woofing at the dogs who are running around him, telling them to settle down or else.  He's not in pain, not itching, and whether he has 3 legs or 4, he's happy.  That provides me quite a bit of relief, though that isn't quite the right word.  Words don't matter anyway.  Relationships do. Hug your dogs and each other.

Oh NO!!  I'm so sorry Amy, and I'm so sad for you.

Just put his things away for awhile–you won't see them, but they won't be gone.  You can deal with them later.

I hope you get a chance for some space to cry and be good to yourself.  Sending you comfort prayers.

Mary

I am sad that McGwire is no longer around you in visible form, but I am happy that you guys got almost 8 great months together and a chance to open your hearts and minds a little wider :)  He will be missed, but he will forever be a part of who you are.  My thoughts are with you.

<3 laura 

Amy,

I am so sorry to read that McGwire has left you physically.  What he has brought to you emotionally and mentally will be with you forever.  Sometime, hopefully soon you will smile as you think of him and the joy of sharing his life will be stronger than the sadness at losing him.

 As far as putting his stuff away don't worry about it until you are ready.  Although it kind of depends on your children and especially how Parker is handling it.  He might find comfort having McGwire's stuff around him.  Death is so hard for young children like yours to understand.  It is hard to deal with their grief and questions and curiosity while you are dealing with your own grief.  When I went back to work after losing Emily my preschool children had so many questions about her cancer and death.  I really didn't really want to talk about it but I think it is important to be honest and upfront about it.

You are right though.  He is in a better place and is no longer suffering.  There really is comfort in that.  You and your family are in my prayers.

Debra & Angel Emily

I'm so sorry, Amy, in your loss of McGwire.   We love them so much…they are never here long enough.

Hugs to you and your family for your loss.

Thinking of you, Amy.

Tracy, Maggie's Mom

Words cannnot express how sorry we are to hear of McGwire's passing, but would like for you to accept our deepest sympathy at this time. In our minds, we know when it is time. In our hearts, we know when it is time. We can look into their eyes and see that this dreaded disease has drained all their remaining strength. I also know that at this moment, none of it is much consolation for the extreme loss you are now feeling.

As I look about through the tears that once more stream down, I can see some of Cherry's things still about, others have been disposed tossed, but there are very special things like her three special TriPawd sweaters that kept her warm after the chemotherapy, that have been placed in very special places so that I will never lose them. There is no hurry – time will let you know when and where to put everything.

Since it has been less than three months, I can understand the numbness that fill you now. It is normal, and it is a way for us to deal with things that we do not know how to deal with. It was more than a month before I could put words together to make sencences, but they eventually did come. Two very important things to remember at this time. First, we and all this community will be here to support you through this very difficult time. Lean on us! Second and even more importantly, you will never be totaly without McGwire for the gifts that McGwire gave you will live with you forever. Listen closely and you can still hear the collar! I know that I can still hear Miss Cherry's voice as I enter the house.

You will be in our prayers – for the day when you will be able to remember McGwire with a smile and not just this lonliness. I myself have with the help of the dearest friend imaginable and the adventures of her newest addition.

Spirit Cherry's Dad