what do you do?

As I posted under another topic, Mika is no longer on her last legs, meaning she couldn't make it back into the house after her potty break tonight and my husband had to carry her to her bed.  <sigh>  I'm worried that she's not going to make it through the night and that my girls (5 yrs old and 3 yr old twins) will see her after she's passed.  Do we keep them away from her?  Do we let her pet them after she's gone?

Such horrible questions to ask, but I'm hoping that someone can provide some guidance, just in case she doesn't make it through the night.  I'll be sleeping on the floor with her in my room with the door locked, but I have no idea what tomorrow will bring.

If anyone can offer up suggestions, I'd be most appreciative.

Thanks,

A tearful Mari

I don't have kids, so I'm not sure if my opinion will change once I DO have kids – however I have taken courses relating to grief in children (I'm an early childhood educator). 

I wouldn't keep them away if she passes at home. Taking them to the vet with you may or may not be too traumatic for them, so that would be your call, you know your little ones best.

Death is a very difficult concept for little ones, because it's so abstract – the closure of seeing the dog often helps as long as it's not gruesome or tragic.  

However, if you don't think you can keep yourself together in front of them, you may want to keep them away from her. A little crying and sadness is perfectly okay and acceptable – but if you can't keep yourself composed, it might just scare them more than anything.  They will be looking at you for how to process and deal with it. Ideal situation is to let them know it's okay to be sad and upset but that their buddy is OK and isn't scared or hurting anymore. 

Your youngest likely won't understand and will probably have questions for weeks/months to come while she tries to understand. Your oldest will have a better grasp of this but might not understand the permanency of it just yet. 

If they're crafty little girls who like to draw and color – be sure to offer them lots of opportunities to do so following the loss of Mika. Art is very therapeutic and is often used for kids to get their feelings out. You might also see it come up in pretend play.  

I'm so sorry you're at the end of Mika's journey, extra hard with little ones involved. In the end do what you feel is best for yourself and your family, you know your little ones better than anyone. Hugs to you and your family.  I hope the night went good for you.

So sorry to hear your dillema, this road is never easy. I will offer my position on this. First, my feeling is you know your girls and how they handle different situations. Pets are a part of the family, and losing them can be as traumatic as losing a grandma, grandpa, mom,dad, etc, We all know death is a part of life, and when we were kids for the pets we were told either we had to put them to sleep or they went to sleep. We were told they weren't suffering any more, which is true. Its just that as a young kid we don't understand why they got to that point, so it needs to be explained that illness or age are the factors that lead them to that point in their life. I am going to assume you had Mika when they were all born, so they don't know life without her, that makes it tougher sometimes. I don't think you can avoid saying something, they are going to ask you questions, and I think they need to be answered honestly. Yea, it's one of the hard parts of being a parent. Do you let them see and pet her, this is the way I would deal with that question. Maybe before you do, sit them down and explained what has happened. That she went to sleep, that she is no longer hurting, she looks just the same, feels just the same, it's just that she won't be waking up, that this is a part of life. Then ask them if they want to see and pet her. I think even as kids we need to know we had the chance to say goodbye. Tears, there's going to be ALOT. Explain that she knew she was around her family and that you did everything you could to make her comfortable when she wasn't feeling good, but you can only control so much. Maybe tell them that you will clip some of her hair so that they will always have a little piece of her, might help them if they can still  see a little of her. Will they comprehend whats happened, only they will give you that answer. I hope I've helped, I don't envy you, I've been there just like most of us. our thoughts are with you, Spirit Gus and Dan   

I also don't have kids, but I remember when I came home from school and our 21 year old cat had died.  This was during the time it was okay to be a latch-key kid.  I was 9.  We had always had pets but I had never had one die that I had "seen".  I remember walking over to him and petting him and being scared because he was cold.

I then called my mom and she told me to cover him with a towel.  I remember being curious after hiding in my room for a bit, and looking at him a couple of times.  It didn't scar me for life, but it did scare me that I was alone with him and he was dead.  He was a great kitty and we still talk about him.  I think it helped me to understand death.

I am sorry that you are having to have all these layers added on to your pain.  I think preparing your kids is a good idea.  Simple answers if possible, although death is not really simple. 

I hope your pup makes a turn around, my thoughts are with you today.

Elizabeth and Sammy

Mary – My!  You are an insomniac.  I thought I was bad and I'm usually in bed by 2am.

Chloe's mom, thanks for your sweet offer. I will definitely keep it in mind…

Mika made it through the night and will probably again.  We have an appointment for tomorrow and the girls are saying their goodbyes.  My five year made Mika a pretend squirrel out of construction paper and are spending time with her outside today.  If she does pass tonight, we'll let the girls decide if they want to see her in the morning, but I don't expect things to play out that way…

Thanks again everyone for your kind support,

Mari

Mari, the most difficult part of this journey and the day we all dread. you are in my thoughts and prayers. You will be surprised that "when" the time comes – in regard to everything – you will have the answers from your heart. I know you're asking mostly about the kids and unfortunately I don't have an answer for that one since I don't have any, but I will say that I was always fearful that I would not know what to do when the time came to let Zeus go and didn't think I would ever find the strength to do what was best for him, but you do get the answers and you do find the strength for your loved ones. Somehow, somewhere – it comes.

Big hug through cyberspace. Know that you're not alone.
Love
Heather

We are thinking of you right now since we know that you scheduled the appointment for Mika today.  We are sending our thoughts and prayers to you at this time.

-Nicole