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18 February 2017 - 11:34 am
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Hi

I'm sure most of you can remember my Monty: He died on Thursday evening. I'm not coping very well at all. I thought I was doing ok, but today I went to get his ashes and the man at the cemetery said "Monty wasn't very old was he", and that's totally set me off on a massive depression. He wasn't! He was only bloody 8! And for 4 years he had a pretty shitty time (he was a previously traumatised rescue dog). I can't stop crying today. All I can see in my mind is his beautiful brave face when he died in my arms. People say just remember the good times, but that just makes me feel sadder because I miss the woolly nutjob so so much! And why did he have to go when he was only 8! I feel angry. It's not fair! I phoned pet bereavement support and they just said some crap like "everything happens for a reason", but that's complete nonsense and it didn't help me at all. People like to just think up a reason to console themselves, but the only reason my doggy died was because he had osteosarcoma. I feel angry with my partner, i don't know why. I don't care to talk to my friends because there's nothing they could say that would be of any interest to me. I'm not in the slightest bit interested in anything at all and I wish I could go with him. How am I going to get over this? How can it get better? Please offer me some advice.

Virginia
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18 February 2017 - 12:27 pm
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Sooo glad you came here today. I, like everyone here, has had you in our thoughts. But today, for me, you were really in my thoughts and here you are.

We understand like no others can. You have every right to be angry, overloaded with grief, saddened beyond words. You feel like your world has stopped and you can't understand how everyone else can keep going on.

Unfortunately, the only way through the heartbreak and grief is to experience it, don't deny it. It can't be denied. It can't be dismissed. It can't be made pretty. There is no timeframe for it to get better. We can all promise you that it does get better and it does lessen. But you can't see that now because you hurt so much.

When you find yourself stuck on those "endless loop questions", the ones that really have no answer as to why this happened, the only response is this brutal piece of crap disease that makes it's own rules. It continues to stump the medical community. Progress has been made, but it's never enough when it takes a beloved dog like Monty.

The intensity of his transition, every single moment, does stay with you, very, very strongly at first. Sometimes the memory of Happy Hannah's transtition is so strong, I can hardly remember any other moments before that, or any other times before the amputation. And she transitioned over two years ago!

I don't mean to say any of this to bring you down. I say it so you knpw, for whatever it's worth, this is what grief looks like when you loved a dog as much as you loved Mrinty.

One bit of teenh "advice". When you grief hits you so hard you can barely breathe, zgain, don't dight it. Do give yourself a bit of a break by MAKING yourself get up and do SOMETHING, ANYTHING!! Literallw get up a d change your physiologically. If you are sitting, get up and move. Even if that means walking in circles or doing jumping jacks. Do something!

Most importantly,STAY CONNECTED and continue to share any and all thoughts with us. We understand. We don't judge.

We have the TRIPAWDS HELPLINE also. 1 844 TRIPAWDS. Leave a VM and someone will call you back shortlh if no one answers.

And MONTY WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER BE FORGOTTEN HERE!!!

Surrounding you with love

Sally and My Chunky Spiritual Being Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

Schofield, WI
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18 February 2017 - 6:17 pm
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Grief has many stages.  Everyone reacts to them in their own unique way.  I remember being where you are in our journey.  I remember melting down and thinking how unfair it was that cancer took our boy at just 7.  I was so mad at the unfairness of it all.  I think the worst is the huge void they leave.  Our entire lives have centered around caring for them and then we're left with that huge hole and nothing to fill it with but our grief.  Please know Monty felt the love you had for him.  Know you did right by him in giving him that last gift of release.  You loved him enough to let him go when he let you know it was time.  There are no words we can say to you to make it hurt less.  Look up into the night sky and find the brightest star and know that is your Monty sending you his healing light.  Sending you peace at this hardest of times.  

Hugs ((()))

Linda & Spirit Mighty Max

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18 February 2017 - 11:56 pm
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Thank you for your kind words. 

Please tell me when it will get better? 

Xx

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19 February 2017 - 4:22 am
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Not sure it ever gets "better," just less intense.  Otis and Tess were about the same age as Monty - it isn't fair.  It did not happen for a reason.  Cancer just sucks.  You did everything you could for Monty.  But we can't truly beat osteo.  You extended his quality time.  And he loved you and knew that you loved him.   I'm not sure that a dog ever asks for more than a loving home and you gave Monty that.  Although we ddn't know Monty in person, we grieve every time we lose a tripawd.  Please know that this entire community is with you in this. 

Otis - 106 pound lab/Dane mix, lost his right front leg to osteosarcoma on Febuary 9, 2016.  Four rounds of carboplatin completed in April, 2016.  Lung mets August 25, 2016.  Said goodbye too soon on September 4, 2016.   Lost his adopted sister, Tess, suddenly on October 9, 2016. likely due to hemangiosarcoma.  

Wherever they are, they are together.

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19 February 2017 - 7:58 am
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There's no "right" way to deal with a loss.  Cancer is NOT fair and it sucks and it should NOT have taken Monty, who you loved so much and who loved you.  Only time will lessen the intensity of what you feel - I know that doesn't sound very encouraging and I'm sorry.  Go out for a walk, alone or with your partner; take some time to scream into your pillow; anything to help work off some of the anger.  Do something healthy for yourself - remember it was love that you and Monty shared; hold that in your heart. 

The Rainbow Bridge

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19 February 2017 - 1:08 pm
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My heart aches for you, I understand how angry you are and I can't blame you. When a dog is just 8 they are in their prime, and you have got to feel so cheated. 

The pet bereavement person sounds like they could use more training, I'm sorry. Saying that kind of thing is actually one of the worst things to say to a person who is grieving. It does feel like crap when you heart it and your heart is shattered. Because there is no "reason" for anyone to get cancer and die an untimely death. I get that. Are you in Europe or the U.S.? Perhaps we can point you to some more helpful bereavement resources. 

You need to give yourself time. It's OK to feel as you do, this is SO early in the process. Cry, vent, yell. It's all whatever you feel like doing to express your anger, sadness and heartache. And if your partner feels the same way, then do it together. Mourning is personal but it's also something that as a family, when we can do it together we can help each other through the worst of it.

Do you do anything like write? Draw? Create art? If you do, try it when you feel stronger. Create something that expresses your love of Monty. Making something is not just a way to help you focus on something else, but it is also healing in so many ways. That's one reason the Tripawds blogs are here so you can always do that too OK?

It does take time, and it doesn't happen overnight. One day you'll wake up and realize that you cried less tears than the day before, and you just take it from there. One day at a time. Just like how Monty lived his too short but very beautiful life with you.

And in the meantime you can always come here. We want to know how you're doing OK? 

It's better to hop on three legs than to limp on four.™
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19 February 2017 - 1:53 pm
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Losing a family member is always hard, losing one to cancer is extra hard.  And in the case of our pets we often have to make 'the decision' which adds more stress because we almost always question the timing.

Reading your other posts I see that Monty was in your life for 5 years, you are not going to be feeling much better after only a few days. This pain is the price we pay for investing our love!  The pain is sharp and intense now as it should be, you have suffered a big loss and you have to give yourself time to properly grieve.

There is no set time to be 'done' and don't listen to people who tell you just to get over it.  This is your loss and your grief and you will find your way though in your own time.

Take some strength and comfort in all of those here who have traveled this part of the journey.  They have made it though and you will too.

Karen and Spirit Maggie

Tri-pug Maggie survived a 4.5 year mast cell cancer battle only to be lost to oral melanoma.

1999 to 2010

 

              Maggie's Story                  Amputation and Chemo

Michigan
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19 February 2017 - 8:12 pm
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I think that when we have a pet going through any kind of medical treatment, your life revolves around them on a daily basis even more than it would for a pet who wasn't sick or hurt in some way.  And during that time I also think that you bond a bit more.  So when that pet is gone, your daily routine is suddenly changed - you're used to having to think about medications for Monty, and if you were going someplace, then special arrangements had to be made, special food...they are never far from our minds in everything that we do.  It's ok to grieve - for as long as you need to do so.  And there are no right ways.  And it's ok to be angry.  Cancer sucks.  After awhile, that anger will make way for something else, something more productive....but that process is different for everybody.  Some find it helpful to volunteer, some people come here more, some leave here for awhile ... we all have to find what works for us.  We are always here to help.

Donna

Donna, Glenn & Murphy  http://murphyh......pawds.com/

Murphy had his right front leg amputated due to histiocytic sarcoma at 7 years old.  He survived 4 years, 2 months & 1 week, only to be taken by hemangiosarcoma at 11 1/2 years 6/12/17  

Donna.png

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20 February 2017 - 5:17 am
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Of all the billions and billions of living things on earth, you and Monty were in each other's lives which will ALWAYS hold true. Monty's luck in finding you was extraordinary. No matter what form his physical body takes, he is eternally bonded to YOU. One simple thought I have is that in 100 years most of the billions and billions of things living on earth today will not be in their physical form anymore. That does not make the world any less beautiful or your and Monty's love any less fragile. Sending you massive PyrPaw hugs.

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20 February 2017 - 11:23 am
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Thank you for your kind words. I've decided I need to get myself up because I have 2 other doggies that need me, and I thought that they only have a finite time to live so I should try my best to be supportive and positive for them. I was then doing a bit better, but at bed time all of a sudden I was completely overwhelmed by grief, then today on the way home from work it happened again. 

I looked on the dog rescue website and there is a dog that looks like my Monty. I know it's not the right thing to do but I want to go get it so much, but I know that's really just because I want my Monty back. I can't put a picture of my Monty on here for some technical reason but here is the Monty look-a-like. Please tell me it's not the right thing to go and see this doggy? I've just got a massive gaping hole where love for Monty used to live and it's tearing me up. 

https://www.dogstrust.org.uk/rehoming/dogs/dog/filters/ken~~~~~n~/1162648/bobby

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20 February 2017 - 12:11 pm
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Dear friend,

I hear you and I feel your pain, like others do at tripawds, we've all been where you are now...

I lost my beloved Kinky, my previous Great Dane at 4 1/2 years old, she was healthy, happy, strong, I took her to the vet for something "ordinary" and got out with a life sentence.

She didn't have cancer but nevertheless died within a week of massive kidney failure.

I moved to the vet for that last week, I was extremely lucky they understood my pain and let me live there with my baby girl until the end.

This was 6 years ago on March 6th and I still miss her terribly ...

I got Eurydice who is 5 1/2 and has osteosarcoma (and I am told she has 1-3 months to live now) 6 months after Kinky passed.

I felt just like you, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, nothing and nobody interested me, I felt absolutely empty as if I had a dagger stabbing at my heart non stop.

The only way I managed to cope was by preparing a tribute to my beloved baby girl.

It took me months to find the right songs which expressed my feelings for my baby and the excrutiating pain I felt after she left me, all wrapped up in the eternal love which bonds us together for ever.

I ended up creating a double CD, one with classical music finishing with Mozart's requiem "Lacrimosa" and the other with all sorts.

I made a list of about 10 people I wanted to send copies to (including the vets) and took weeks to find the write cards to accompany the CDs.

I poured my heart into those cards. 

Once it was done, I felt somehow "better" and even now, all those years later, I am not capable of hearing any of the songs unless I am on my own ...

And when I do, I swear I feel Kinky's presence surrounding me.

When we love someone like we do our babies we suffer in the exact same measure.

I am going to go through this pain again very soon and definitely agree life is not fair.

But it isn't in our hands either.

I take some comfort knowing my girls (alongside my previous kitties and dogs) will be waiting for me when I go.

Nobody can be certain what will happen but I KNOW if there is a way, they will all be there welcoming me and I ask for nothing more. 

Their love is simply to strong to be in vain.

Be a little careful with Monty's look alike.

You have to be ready in your heart to take another dog and you can never, ever replace Monty, as you know.

I am not saying it is wrong, I am just a little worried you might see him as Monty which, of course, he isn't, chances are his personality is different and it may not be a comfort to you, because of that.

But there's no harm in going to see him and spending some time with him and listening to your heart as to what you should do.

I got the same breed after Kinky passed but I confess I was unable to have the same colour.

For me, my blue Dane was unique.

So, I got Eurydice who is an Arlequin.

I hope you will find peace in your heart and will be able to remember Monty without feeling the unbearable pain you now feel, it takes time, sweet friend, time is the only thing that eases the pain.

My heart is with yours heart

Eurydice 77kg/170lb Great Dane limping end of April 2016, amputation (right front leg/osteosarcoma) 4 May 2016 6 courses of carboplatin followed by metronomic therapy, lung mets found 30 Nov 2016. 3 courses of doxorubicin, PET scan 26 Jan 2017 showed more mets so stopped chemo. Holistic route April 2017. Lung X-ray 5 May 2017 showed several tennis ball size mets, started cortisone and diuretics. Miss Cow earned her XXL silver wings 12 June 2017, 13 months and 1 week after amputation and 6 1/2 months after lung mets, she was the goofiest dawg ever and is now happily flying from cloud to cloud woof woofing away :-) 

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20 February 2017 - 8:59 pm
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This is a terribly painful place you're in right now. I'm glad you have your other pups to take care of and help you keep going, and I also love what others have said about creating something, some kind of tribute. I have done that for pets that are gone and it definitely helps that lingering, looping feeling. Seeking closure that way doesn't help you forget (and I think most of us would not want it, if it did), but it makes remembering less painful, as does time passing.

You said Monty was a rescued dog. You changed his life -you began his life, his good life -when you brought him home. While I'm sure he treasured every bit of it, I know he wasn't counting seconds, because that's not what dogs do. Dogs don't measure time like we do. They know nothing about average lifespans. They don't care how long we manage to save them for, they just want a good life -whatever length -and you gave him that.

No, there's no good reason he's gone now and cancer is a terrible, awful thing that would not exist if the world was fair. But to Monty, as long as you loved him and cared for him, it was enough time. 

Animals have this wonderful way of not feeling regret over lost time, an hour can be an eternity for them, and I'm certain you gave Monty many very wonderful eternities to remember while he's waiting for you.

If we could all reach through the screen and hug you, we would. 

Rachel

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21 February 2017 - 10:17 am
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My heart breaks reading this and as others have said... this is the hard price we pay for loving so hard. Monty was SO loved! I can hear that in every post your write. I can feel your very real raw pain. I recall my posts right after I lost shelby ... I was lost. I was a zombie. I don't even think I showered. Until I realized, I had to pick myself up and try and live again. And I did it in baby steps. One moment at a time. I started to live in minutes, then hours, then days ... It was how I coped. I couldn't think "big picture" or look to a future that didn't include Shelby. I had to just be in the moment and whatever I was feeling at that moment. And it was a lot of tears. Trust me - it has taken almost 3 years to erase the lines on my face from that crying.

I started looking for dogs that looked like Shelby too... I wanted another "blond" dog ... and I went to visit one and I tried to pick her up like I would do with Shelby and she wouldn't let me hold her like Shelby. And then I realized ... I couldn't do it ... I couldn't "make " another Shelby. 

A couple months later, the silence in my home was too much and I rescued Jasper ... a black and tan... it was months before I loved her and now we are bonded. 

But it is a process... don't rush yourself. Allow yourself to feel what you are going to feel in the moment. Allow your self to grieve. It is hard. It sucks. It is unfair. FEEL anything you want to feel because these are YOUR feelings and yours alone!!! 

Sending you love and comfort and peace ...

alison with spirit shelby in her heart (and little jasper too)

Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.

October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014

Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife

Virginia
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21 February 2017 - 10:49 am
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Yep, we call those overwhelming "episodes" being hit by unstoppable, out-of-the-blue waves of grief. Every si gle person here will tell you that they still happen on ocassion for years, if not forever. But they DO lessen eventually. You DO recover from them quicker. It takes time though, and "time" can't be rushed.

Another perspective on adopting a dog...and just my "for whatever it's worth. Something that makes the void so heavy is because Month taught you how tomlove deeper than you ever imagined possible. And now that great gift he gave you that helped you feel sonwhole and so complete is in limbo. It adds to your emptiness. Once you've been able to love with that depth of purity, you will never heal completely until you can give some of that love again. To give it to another dog who needs to be loved, who needs to feel what joy feels like, who needs to know what it feels like to be safe and whst it feels like to sleep in a warm bed....yeah, thst is what Month wsnts for you and for the dog HE picks for you!

To me, it was no coincidence that you came across a photo who reminds you of Monty. Who knows if that's who Monty has picked out for you or not. The only way to know is to go check him out. Be open. Start the "process" and see where it leads you. It may not even be about that particular dog or at this particular time. Just go see what unfolds. And BTW, he is a GORGEOUS dog!! His eyes speak volumes!

Another thought, maybe you could even foster that dog for a couple of weeks to see how it goes. At the very least, it wil help the dog feel happiness a d it will help give you some focus.

Let us know how it goes. We're with you and sending love and hugs...

Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

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