Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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Yesterday, I helped my best friend, Calvert, pass from this world. I helped him start his next journey, but I'm sorry that I have to join this thread.
Day 1:
Waking up was different today, so different. My home seems quieter, not my home. Just a house. Even Vader, my black pit mix, seems out of sorts. When I returned from burying Calvert yesterday, Vader sniffed the whole house. I think he was searching for his best bud. I don't know what dogs feel when they lose their best buds, but my heart breaks for Vader. I feel a certain level of peace knowing Calvert's life was the best a dog could ask for. I'm currently preparing a slideshow of every single picture I've ever taken of Calvert, and 90% of those pictures are of us snuggling in bed. 
But for Vader, I long to know what he is experiencing. I don't know how to help him. I tried to pick up a rope to play with him today, but he just walked away. Seriously? I wanted to play!!!
I got to work today, and was greeted by everyone. Who all know what I had to do yesterday, and why I missed work. Sometimes, I think that people think I'm over attached to my pet, and they judge me for that. That's what I felt walking into work today. No one said it to my face, but its not a feeling of sympathy I'm getting from everyone.
I work with adults with developmental disabilities. I often brought Calvert and Vader into work so everyone could enjoy their company. I also work with a man my age named Jed who has down syndrome. Often times, we end up at my house and watch TV, play with the dogs, etc while we wait for his mom to get off work so he can go home. Jed is very fond of my dogs. So this afternoon, he walks into my office and gives me a hug. Then he said "Tell Calvert and Vader not to poop in the house. Bad doggies!" Yes, I corral my dogs into the kitchen on hard wood while I was at work in case of accidents. Jed often came home with me from our day service center and witnesses a few piles.
I'm ok on my own, and have accepted what is, and can gracefully move forward. However, I forgot to think about how others would react. Jed and all the other clients of mine who know Calvert and Vader have no idea right now that Calvert is gone. How can I gracefully explain that to these people, without breaking my own heart all over again? It would be like I intentionally caused everyone's sadness if I tell them. I guess timing and presentation are important here. I need to heal a bit more before I can do that. 
Again, I am so sorry for your loss but I am still in awe of how well you can articulate your feelings and emotions. You remind me a bit of me when my Shelby first crossed the bridge.
I work in fundraising/event planning so I took the first week off of work after Shelby passed. It would have been impossible for me to put on a happy face (required in my line of work) so I feel blessed w/that. But I also felt like I was going through the motions ... Shelby was an only child and I live alone so the silence was paralyzing ... I spent many nights away from my home and "binge" watched Netflix and ate cookies. I am a runner (that is my therapy) yet it was almost two weeks before I could lace up my shoes again.
So my point is please, please, please be kind to yourself... don't worry what others think or feel (I do that too.. always). Grieve as you need. Cry as you need. Come here as you need. We all are wrapping our arms around you and holding you close to our hearts. Calvert could not have asked for a better mom. I look forward to seeing ALL the photos of his beautiful face and the amazing love you shared ... I can see it both your eyes.
You are so amazingly strong and filled with so much "grace" as you mentioned yesterday...
Sending you love and hugs,
alison with the spirit of shelby fur-ever in her heart
Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.
October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014
Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife
I, too, am in awe of how gracefully you've handled your loss.
When we lost Harmony a little over a month ago, we couldn't take off work. She died on a Saturday and we were at work Monday morning. However, everyone knew how we felt about our fur-babies and, I felt, acted accordingly. For us, our work family helped us grieve. I'm so sorry that you don't have that where you work, but it is very much their loss. I pity those who can't see or show compassion for heartache in others. It's a dimension of life that makes us all better people.
Calvert made you a better person. He brought out the best in you. He showed you how deep and selfless love is supposed to be. We, as humans, aren't born with a dedication gene, but our fur-babies are and thank God we open our hearts to learn these life lessons from one of life's perfect creations.
Grace blessed you with Calvert. Calvert blessed you with unconditional love eternal.
Love and comfort to you and your pack.
Pam and Halo'd Harmony
Harmony became a Tripawd on 10/21/14 (MCT). She left us way too soon on 11/1/14.
"We miss you so much; our love, our heart, our Harmony."
- Pam, Ron and Melody, Meesha, Doublestuff and Mariah Carey
I think that every time one of us on here loses our baby, they have to go through that same feeling that others just don't get it. They think "it was just a dog". You will never ever find that here. I will never understand people who don't like dogs, or who don't share our empathy for the creatures we share the world with. Calvert was lucky to have you. It is never ever easy. My Jake passed away almost a year ago and little things still catch me off guard and bring tears to my eyes. The tears eventually get less and the smiles at the memories more. I do believe too that animals grieve. Vader lost his friend too and like us, he probably needs some time to grieve too.
We would love to see a slideshow. Run free Calvert, you are part of an amazing gang at the bridge.
HUGS
Mom to Tripawd Angels Jake (2001-2014) and Rosco (2012-2015) and Tripawd Tanner. “Whatever happens tomorrow, we had today; and I'll always remember it”
And yet one more reason we are all family here...and some of us stay even after our dogs and cats have transitioned to their next adventure...we all get it. We get the depth of love they bringnus to. We get the intense void...the emptiness...the walking around in circles wondering what to do next...we get it all. And yes, while their is an unusual momentary sense of "relief" when suffering ends and when the transition goes "smoothly" and with celebration, that soon fades somewhat and the real grief process starts.
We can only feel SYMPATHY for those who don't understand...who have never been loved so unconditionally...who jave never loved at the depth that we all jave here...I feel sad for them.
As far as what to say to Jed and the others, just trust you will be guided to say the "right" thing...let your heart speak for you and everything will be just as it should be.
When I asked you the other day what lessons Calvert was teaching you, I really wasn't sure if you were in a "space" open to that type of question at the time. I got ready to "ersse" that remark. I told myself, "just trust". So add that to your lessons learned about grace and acceptance...you now KNOW you are guided and you can trust that whatever you say to those precious clients of yours will be EXACTLY what they need to hear for their own soul's growth.
Thank you so much for continuing to post. This is not any easy time and waves of grief will come when you least expect it. Stay connected to us! Knowing we have more pictures of Calvert coming just warms my heart!!
Sending you lpve and light.
Sally and My Guiding Eternal Light Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle too!
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
We all know what it is like to have an empty house...sucks. Vader will come around.
I agree that most people do not get the love that we have for our dogs. I'm sorry for them. Cannot wait for the slide show.
Day 2:
Well, yesterday my coworkers surprised me. Maybe they arent as heartless as I thought. My birthday was Monday also, so they decided to surprise me with cake, and everyone apparently browsed through my facebook and picked put their favorite pictures of Calvert, and had a canvas collage made for me. It made me cry. Maybe it seemed everyone was very callous because they didncouldn'tto ruin the surprise?
Waking up this morning still different, butnit will become easier every day. i thought in felt him laying across my chest, but i woke up and he wasnt there. Maybe his spirit was. but i would rather he go play at the bridge than stick around here to watch over me.
I had a thought last night about adopting or fostering another dog who is in neen of my help. It would definitely fix the problem of my house being too quiet. Do you think its too soon? I dont think Calvert would want me to waste time waiting to heal before I helped another dog. someone posted "the last will and testament of a dog" on my facebook page. I dont see any reason why i couldn't grieve and move forward with helping the next at the same time.
Isn't that peom a lovely sentiment? Its kind of the "Holy Grail around here!
That was LOVELY what your co-workes did...must lovely and heartfelt! Hope you'll I clude that in some of the pictures you'll be posting!
Heck yeah! That was Calvert visiting you and snuggling with you! Hes feeling great when he comes visit you! He has an omnipresent spirit energy....he can be with you and still playing tug the rope with Vader in Vader's dream stae!
In my world, it is NEVER too soon to open up your heart to love another dog and be loved by another dog! I think it would help Vader a lot too! Just be open to the concelt and see who Calvert sends your way! Can't wait to see his choice!!!
Hugs to you...lots of hugs!
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle too!
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
I love that poem... it really helped me when I brought Jasper Lily home who I have had a heck of a time bonding with (she's been w/me 6 months almost and just in the last couple of weeks have I truly felt "love" for her).
Anyways... fostering is always good! Jasper wasn't a foster but I treated her as such until my heart could catch up w/my mind. She was a rescue though ... from very humble and tragic beginings and I know Shelby picked her out for me.
I still feel Shelby w/me ... by my side... laying next to me. She 'visits' at night ... I know she does because Jasper (out of the blue) growls and there is nothing there. I can only assume it is Spirit Shelby!
XOXO
Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.
October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014
Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife
benny55 said
Heck yeah! That was Calvert visiting you and snuggling with you! Hes feeling great when he comes visit you! He has an omnipresent spirit energy....he can be with you and still playing tug the rope with Vader in Vader's dream stae!
!
Vader was dreaming last night! He was running in his sleep!! I bet Calvert was there. Sometimes I swear I can smell him. Ill walk through the house and catch his scent, thenlook around for a blanket or ssomething he wpuld have laid on. I pick up all the blankets and smell them, but cant find his scent anywhere.
WOW!!! Ohhhhh yeah......that Calvert is definitely showing off for you guys! I think he's loving being this free spirit...wild and free...and jist wagging like crazy that you are sensing his presence! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that you saw Vader running around and playing witht Calvert last night in his dream state!!!
And, from what I understand, a scent is a DEF I NITE sign of Calvert's energy making himself known.
I know your heart still aches and the void just plain sucks!
Calvert came here with a mission and, once complete, headed on to his next adventure! That's why he perked up some when the vet came...he was excited!! AND, he knew he woulld still be with you so it wasn't sad for him at all!! And he sure is making his presence known...and he's having Vader validate it too!!!
He was sooooo lucky to have you as is soulmate!!! You are very special!
Love hearing about how he's visiting you...look forward to more!!!
Hugs!
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle too!
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
Ohhhh my gosh I didn't know it was your birthday. I'm sorry you had to cope with all of this on that day. {{{{{hugs}}}}}}
I think a lot of times people just don't know what to say and usually it's better that way, rather than saying something that's unintentionally dumb and cruel (oh boy how that happens!). I hid from people for two weeks because I wanted to avoid that but I know not everyone can hide out like that. But it IS really great that your co-workers made that collage for you. Maybe they were just at a loss for words, most people are when it comes to death. As for the people you help at work (which I think is pretty darn pawesome that you do that for a living), I'm really not sure how to break the news. As gently as possible is the best way I know that much.
As for adopting, everyone is different when it comes to when to bring another pet home. There are no right answers but one thing to keep in mind is that taking time t heal isn't wasting time, it's important to your own health and I have not doubt that Calvert wants you to put yourself first so you can be strong for another animal who needs you. Vader could sure use a friend though. What about fostering until you know for sure when you've found the right pup?
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
I'm glad that you're feeling Calvert's presence. There's a lot of folks here that receive some sort of sign from their precious furbaby that they are still around. My husband has told me he could have sworn he heard Leland coming up behind him in our house or walking on the cheap carpet in one of our bedrooms. These signs usually happen in the early morning hours. I have no doubt that Calvert's spirit was laying on you the other night. I think our conscious mind is more open to these signs while we're sleeping.
And there's no time limit on how long you have to wait before bringing another baby into your home. Like you I couldn't stand the quiet in the house. So for us it was like a month before we brought Lucian into our home. Others may need a longer and others it could be shorter. It just depends on the individual and what they feel ready for. I do think Vader is grieving for Calvert. He doesn't understand where he's at and why he's not at home anymore. Vader may need another sibling around sooner rather than later.
I'll be keeping you and sweet Vader in my thoughts as you both find your way through this grief.
Sahana and her Angel Leland
November 17, 2009 - June 30, 2014
May you finally be healthy and running free at the Rainbow Bridge. Until we meet again my sweet boy!
I'm feeling more myself today than since I returned from my trip and found Calvert in much worse health than when I left.
I laughed at a video on facebook for the first time. I have a smile on my face, I think because Calvert wants me to know I can still smile and laugh while I grieve for him. That's what I think.
Yep, Calvert definitely wants you to smile, because the grieving will come anyway......I still don't know what to say, that everyone here hasn't already said, so I will just say that reading all these wonderful posts makes ME smile.
I love that Calvert visited you and Vader, and the thought of getting a foster/adopting a pup is awesome.....Calvert must be sending one to you soon if you are feeling that love in your heart already, to open yourself up to another great love......time matters very little if your heart is telling you something else.
The surprise from your co-workers was so very sweet......sometimes other people just don't know how to react or what to say when a beloved pet passes away.....I have been a bit offended at times myself, but then I have to remind myself that not everyone is fortunate enough to have the capacity to love a pet the way we do.....I do have to say, though, many others certainly do understand the heartache.
Sending {{{hugs}}}
Bonnie & Angel Polly
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