Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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Just when I was starting to feel better, be more positive (aka Be More Dog ) and let Jasper into my heart a bit more, I was taken back to April.... It was the perfect storm. Working at home (where Shelby was always the best assistant), then listening to my iTunes library and an Enya song came on. I played a lot of Enya for Shelby the first few days after her amp since she was so manic and restless, I hoped it would soothe her. That was when she discovered my bathroom as her 'safe' place.
Before I knew it, I was sobbing up a storm - you know the kind where you can't catch your breath. Now Jasper has seen me cry before since I cry almost every day for Shelby but today was the first day she came over and tried to comfort me. And I did let her.
So then I thought it would be a good idea to watch Shelby's YouTube video I made with her photos. More tears. Then all of Shelby's other videos, of her walking pre-amp, post-amp, pre-illness... and her photos. I would love to think that there will be a day when I can look at these memories and smile.
And the irony of all this is that I posted a photo earlier of Jasper smiling ... took her almost 5 weeks to truly smile and I remember Shelby did smile from DAY one. and was comfortable in my embrace from day one. And today is a day I couldn't smile to save my life.
So the grief continues ... I worry about the anniversaries that are coming up. Shelby's bday, Christmas w/our holiday photos (I don't even have the desire to even consider dressing Jasper up in anything). I guess I am just not feeling very strong today and it probably wasn't a good idea to look back at old photos ... I thought it would help. I really did. I guess I just have to ride the wave of this crazy thing and as Sally would say, eat more chocolate!
Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.
October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014
Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife
I'm so sorry Allison, music is such an emotional thing, it can make me bawl like a baby too when certain special songs come on (Dog forbid if that darn ASPCA song comes on...I'm a mess!). I think that today helped more than you know, never forget that it helps to get this out, it is cathartic even though at the time it may not feel like it. This is progress, I promise. Allow yourself the tears, it's proof of how much you loved her.
{{{{{hugs}}}}}
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
Alison,
I do know what you are feeling....there are some days still, that I have a really hard time keeping it together and not fall to pieces, and that is not just for Polly, but my Maggie, and even my Duchess as well....I believe it will always be that way, though, and I am okay with it. Like Christine said, when you love deep, you grieve deep. And then a day like today happens, a day in which I thought I would be a basket-case all day....nope, I have never felt so calm and peaceful since Polly's death, and I KNOW Polly did this for me, knowing how hard this day was gonna be for me. I can guarantee, Shelby will send the same kind of calming peace when you need it most. Our fur babies ARE always beside us, I just know it.
Sending Much Love and {{{hugs}}}
Bonnie & Angel Polly
Alison,
Yes, grief is sneaky. Just when you think you've got a handle on it, it makes sure you know that you absolutely don't.
It kind of makes sense that you're sad today. You've been posting all these big "milestones" with Jasper...a smile finally caught on camera, letting her sleep with you. I bet somewhere deep down you have a little bit of guilt because you feel like you're replacing Shelby. You're not!!! Shelby can't be replaced. And you know and Shelby knows and we all know that you're honoring Shelby's memory by giving Jasper a wonderful home.
You and Jasper should make new "traditions" together, different than your memories of holidays with Shelby, but special for the two of you! Don't be afraid of the sadness of memories, because although they are sad to you right now, they will one day be happy memories of your sweet girl.
xoxo
Carol
Sorry you had a "down" day..AND Ilove that JasperLily came to comfort you...and you let her. Wouldn't be surprised if Shelby had her paw al l over that scenario too!
As most of us know, staying to this site after our tipawds transition can be so gutwrenchingly sad sometimes when there is a loss.....and we take those losses, grieve with them from a place of soul deep empathy...and "re-grieve" for our own selves all over again......we live every single second of their last days, hours, minutes, seconds. And the losses seem non,-stop since April.
So yeah, if a full on day of sobs takes oever every now and then.....it just comes with the territory of staying committed to help j ng others on this journey and to make sure the heroic legacies of our dogs continues to live on
ALISON!!!! There is NO WAAAAAY you cannot dress Jasper Li l y up!!!! R U kidding? Those ears! OMD!!!!!! Those ears need outfits!
WE LOVE YOU ALISON AND SHELBY and JASPERLILY TOO!
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
Alison,
I understand as a lot of others do the sadness of grief. Shoot, this week I broke down in my office at work and just started balling....thankfully I had a door I could close so I could have my cry and then pull myself together. It's crazy how it sneaks up on us.
And looking at Shelby's photos is ok. I had a photo album engraved with Leland's name and dates and put together pictures of him through the years. I love just sitting there flipping through the pages and remembering my boy. Yes it brings tears to my eyes but sometimes I can flip through the pages and smile. I still have all his pictures up around the house and in my office so I can see him and hold him close to my heart. Yes it's tough but I wouldn't put them away for anything.
Grief is a roller coaster ride but Jasper is there now to help heal and keep you in the "now". Hold onto her when the sadness sneaks up again and she'll help you get through it.
Sending you a BIG HUG!
Sahana and her Angel Leland
November 17, 2009 - June 30, 2014
May you finally be healthy and running free at the Rainbow Bridge. Until we meet again my sweet boy!
Thank you everyone ... sometimes just getting it out (like posting here) can be so cathartic. I felt rather schizo since I had posted about Jasper's smile and I am sure you were all thinking, that's one bi-polar crazy lady!!! Can't get her emotions under control.
Jerry - I know!!! Those commercials make me run and rush to change the channel or mute the TV. I cannot deal. Ever.
Bonnie - thank you! That's right, what Christine said, we do love hard and grieve just had because we loved so much! It's easy to forget when we ride the highs and avoid the lows as much as we can. Hugs!
Carol - you are so wise!!! That makes perfect sense. I have been feeling that for some time. I feel that a lot of what I can do and do do with Jasper then I worry that Shelby has been replaced in my world. Or even worse, this feeling that I am coping with, that Shelby got short-changed since we didn't discover all our adventures till later in her life. It's like I feel guilty that I can pick up knowing that Jasper can and will go on trips, etc with me. I just keep reminding myself that Jasper has a big sister that she's never physically met and that that girl wants us to enjoy life!
Sally - I know you know! It's so hard. I saw something you wrote on another blog ... I think it was Sahana's ... about how your days were grey till you got Miss Myrtle Mae (love her middle name BTW). I think it's true. I have had a lot of smiles and sunshine restored to my life since Jasper has been accepted. I think Jasper doesn't get grief since she's probably never seen it on anyone. She tries because as a dog it's in her DNA to support her human. She will learn. Shelby always supported me and trust me - I can be a weepy girl! I've had a decent amount of heartache in my life that tears always find their way ...
Sahana - Thank you so much! I know .. I have an office w/a closed door too so I can lose it there if I need to. I love that you have an album of Leland. For the most part, the 'shrines' I have for Shelby (her ashes, her figurines, photos)... make me smile and I love seeing them. But yesterday was a rough day. I tend to scroll past her photos in my phone so I don't have to revisit those memories but yesterday I guess it just took a lot out of me.
Thank you all for being there and words of support. It helps so much! And thank you for helping me remember there is no statute of limitations on grief, tears and sadness when it comes to this journey ... no expiration date on the love and support from this awesome community!
XOOX
Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.
October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014
Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife
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