Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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Hi Kristen - You know I haven't shared this heartbreaking experience yet, but I can pull from other experiences in my life and I would say that time...just time is all you can do. Grief is a process that is unique to each individual and it is what it is, one day at a time and even one moment at a time. I'm sure there will be bad hours and not so bad hours and one day there will be good days and then some not so good days. I think when we connect with another soul - whether it be human or animal the way you connect with Jack and the way I connect with Zeus - and we lose that soul physically, that yearning for their physical presence may never go away. Focus on connecting with Jack spiritually - he is there, all around you and he will never leave you. You just have to learn to live with the spiritual Jack and not the physical Jack...and that will come with time.
Thinking of you tons...we're here for you.
Much love
Heather and Zeus
Heather and Spirit Zeus - Our life changing journey…from the earth to the heavens…one day at a time…always together
I agree with Heather and Zeus. Time will help you adjust. It may ease the pain too, but it will never diminish your connection with Jack. That, you will always have. And yeah, it will take some getting comfortable with the silence in your house.
My Mom and Dad had hardly been married two years when I joined the family. We were always a pack. So when I went over the Bridge, Mom and Dad had to cope on their own, and it was difficult. But when things got ruff, all they had to do was remind eachother how much I hated it when they got stressed or upset, and it brought them back to feeling a bit more grounded and at peace with my absence.
All you have to do is remember, Jack is never far from you. He will always be aware of your emotions and your energy, and helping to guide you through life to ensure your happiness. All you have to do is be mindful of his presence, and send him back all the love and happiness he gave to you.
It'll happen, just give it time. And we are always here to talk if you want to OK?
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
Thanks much Heather, Zeus and Jerry -- I know - time.... I've been here before - grieving a loss I think I will never get over....but, I have managed to get through those experiences so I imagine I will survive this as well. One of the things I struggle with Jerry, and I appreciate you pointing out, is that my connection with Jack will not diminish when he doesn't occupy my thoughts constanty as I feel like he does now. Its so bizarre but I just have this fear that as my grief subsides, my memory and connection to him will subside as well. Intellectually, I know that is not the case but I guess its a struggle nonetheless.
I had a rough night last night that extended into today that was triggered by the card I received from my vet -- it was a nice note.... "The sadness that I feel for you is so deep I have difficulty talking about Jack". She is a very caring doctor, great with her patients and has an obvious love for them and her job. She goes onto say that "I think veterinary medicine failed him. I failed him." meaning she feels like she failed him... "I can only promise you that all involved will reviw the case. Hopefully this course of evens will never repeat itself." This threw me into sobs -- I can't put my finger on why but it upset me incredibly. I don't blame her at all. If I blame anyone (which I really try not to do) I blame the first place I took him back in February 08 when his first biopsy came back clear. By the time I got to her in July, it was, it turns out, too late. But I thank her because she gave him three awesome three legged months where he swam, ran, fetched sticks and hiked -- she was the one who finally got the diagnosis for me. I just wish I found her sooner... who knows what the outcome would've been... and then we go back to the "what if", which I can't do to myself... Jerry, I hear you in my ear --- what if Jack never came into my life?? That would be far worse than this! So, I'm not going there but that part of her note upset me but I can't explain it.... anyone have any thoughts on that???
I'm trying to bounce back here a bit... just a rough night last night that dripped into today and I still feel just "blah"....
Kristen, we hope you're feeling better after our chat. We really enjoyed talking with you. Hope that it helped you to cope a little better tonight.
You are completely, totally allowed to feel the way you do. A letter like that can cause so many different emotions. Your vet sounds like she had every good intention of telling you that Jack did not pass away in vain. It's just hard to see that in writing, I know.
Remember though, you can help yourself to feel better by trying to focus on the good, and trying not to look for any single answer. There are so many what if's. It can drive you crazy to analyze each one.
Just try to follow Jack's lead, and go with the flow. If you feel anger or are upset. That's OK. Acknowledge it, but move on as soon are you are able. It will help you to feel better and start to enjoy life again, and isn't that what you really want?
Jack wants that for you. Don't forget.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
Kristen
Our thoughts are with you. Feel whatever you want to, whenever you want to.
As an old childhood friend once told me:
Stay cool, hang loose and admit everything.
Love from us all
jerry said:
Kristen,
Remember though, you can help yourself to feel better by trying to focus on the good, and trying not to look for any single answer. There are so many what if's. It can drive you crazy to analyze each one.
Just try to follow Jack's lead, and go with the flow. If you feel anger or are upset. That's OK. Acknowledge it, but move on as soon are you are able. It will help you to feel better and start to enjoy life again, and isn't that what you really want?
Jack wants that for you. Don't forget.
Kristen,
You did what you needed to do and Jack will be eternally grateful for your final act of kindness. Try and remember the good things you and Jack shared. You should have a lifetime of good memories. Good luck to you and I hope this finds you feeling better. Remember, his spirit is always with you, overseeing and protecting you. He is waiting for the day you two will be reunited and what a joyful time it will be.
Love, Blazer, Kitty Kimber & Mom
jerry - yes, felt better after the chat and was even able to sleep - thankfully -- since I slept about 3 hours the night before... I'm trying so hard to remember what Jack taught me and what Jack wants for me. To go with the flow... enjoy life again.... ugh... so much easier said than done...
lalla -- love that saying - made me smile... am going with the emotions, whatever they may be.
Thanks Vicki - remembering him and the good memories.... I am feeling a bit better today...ah the roller coaster of grieving...
Am planning on going on my first Jack-less hike this weekend with our usual hiking buddies -- we'll see if I can actually go ahead with it -- it is going to be so incredibly difficult. But I think it will be part of my healing, just not sure I will be able to tackle it this weekend....
Kristen - the good news is that past experiences in your life have taught you that you will survive this..the bad news is that you have to survive it. When I was going through a really tough time, someone said to me (paraphrasing here), "be good, gentle and patient with yourself - pretend you are being a friend to a loved one who is going through a tough time - how would you treat him or her? Treat yourself the same way..." "We" (I) tend to push myself where I wouldn't push others...tell myself to get "over it" when I would listen to a friend and support them in going through the process, lose patience with myself when I have all the patience in the world for others...
Be gentle with your grief and let it ebb and flow the only way that it supposed to - in your way. If you can hike this weekend, you will know it. If you can't, then don't. I wish so much that I had these helpful suggestions for you on how to help you grieve the loss of a pet - the one who gives unconditional love no matter what - but I don't...except to take it one day at a time and reach out when you need to. You're in my thoughts and prayers ~
Love
Heather and Zeus
Heather and Spirit Zeus - Our life changing journey…from the earth to the heavens…one day at a time…always together
Heather - thanks much. I do the same thing you do -- push myself more than I would push others. It seems I keep going through things in my life where I say "well, if I can survive this, I can survive anything" -- and then that "anything" happens. But, all of this stuff, is this thing we call "life". As dog lovers, this is part of our lives. I just didn't think I'd have to go through it so soon with Jack. But, at least this evening, I have been able to focus on the good stuff - I was blessed to have Jack for the time I had him and I'm trying to put into practice what he taught me.
Not sure that I will hike this weekend - going to play that one by ear. This is my first weekend home without Jack and that will be tough enough... so, I may just try to get through it and not push to do the hike.
Oh and you say you "wish you had these helpful suggestions" for me.. did you read your message to me??? You did... 
I'm glad to hear that you found some comforting thoughts to pull you through this evening.
Heather is right; don't push yourself too hard, and just do what you are comfortable with. That will go a long way in helping you heal.
Good luck.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
Argh...miss Jack a ton. The decision to hike or not to hike was made for me -- its absolutely freezing here!!! So, I'm just battling through the first weekend home without him. Figure that's enough for one weekend. Was able to stay busy and semi-distracted for most of the day.
Jerry - read your rainbow bridge post - thanks so much for that -- made me cry!! But, that's nothing new...
Day at a time....
One day at a time indeed. Hang in there. Believe it or not, it does get easier. Though just the other day, more than three months after saying goodbye to Jerry, I cried after hearing a song I used in one of his last videos. Time doesn't heal the hole left by their loss, but it does help us remember what it takes to try and fill the gap.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
I'm hanging on to that "it does get easier" Jerry....
I went ahead and took the hike -- the hike Jack and I always took -- went with my good friend and her dog, our usual hiking buddies. It was hard. Started sobbing when I got dressed to go -- Jack always knew my hiking clothes - as soon as I'd put them on he'd start jumping up and down spinning in circles. It was extremely difficult but I was able to talk to her about him and about his passing as we walked. I felt close to him when I was out there. I felt him all around me and could see him trotting along the trail, picking up sticks and jumping in whatever water he could find. Bittersweet overall...I know he would want me to get out there... wouldn't want me sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself. I took this first hike to honor him. And he was with me.
Kristen, it's me, Rene....
We are so glad to hear you went and everything is OK. We are so familiar with those same feelings you're having, of doing things that Jack loved to do, without him. On our first hikes without Jerry were hard, but just as you experienced, being able to talk about your feelings, and envisioning him on the trail, helps infinitely.
And yes, Jack was definitely there looking out for you, making sure everything went OK today. It was a huge step for you, and you did great. Jack will always be leading the way, just follow his path and you'll be OK.
Thanks for the update. Keep us posted.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
Kristen, it's me, Rene....
We are so glad to hear you went and everything is OK. We are so familiar with those same feelings you're having, of doing things that Jack loved to do, without him. On our first hikes without Jerry were hard, but just as you experienced, being able to talk about your feelings, and envisioning him on the trail, helps infinitely.
And yes, Jack was definitely there looking out for you, making sure everything went OK today. It was a huge step for you, and you did great. Jack will always be leading the way, just follow his path and you'll be OK.
Thanks for the update. Keep us posted.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
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