I'm not gonna lie, it's been a rough couple days. Even when I try to just think of all my good memories with Peace, they're soon followed by that image in my head of him lying on the pavement. I've had several dogs in my life pass away, at times unexpectedly, but there is just something about Peace's death being so traumatic that's making this unbelievably hard to deal with. I don't think I've ever even cried over a dog's death before, but now I can't stop crying. Every time it's gets quiet I just break into sobs. I'm barely making it through work. I think another part of it is just that I'm dealing with this alone. My parents are out of town until the 15th and I don't want to talk with them about all of this while they're trying to enjoy their vacation. All my friends live in different towns and have families of their own.

And now...I'm just freaking out over Jaime's surgery. Because if something happens to him too, I'm just going to be broken. I'm sorry I'm so whiny, I had no idea how strongly Peace's death would still be affecting me. I know I'll get over it someday and just be able to think back on the happy times I had with him...but right now it still hurts. I really am glad I found this forum though, this has seriously been my ONLY form of outlet. I haven't been able to talk to ANYONE about how much this truly, truly sucks. So thank you, Tripawd buddies. 

Thank you for all your kind words. I can't tell you how much I needed them. I can't wait until my parents get back and we can get together and play the Remember When game. My sister took his favorite stuffie that I got him last Christmas from my apartment to spare me from having to look at it this week, but I'm going to get it back and think of something special to do with it. It was a big fuzzy moose, and there was just something about it that made Peace go what we call 'cracker dog'. Jaime will be inheriting the leash that Peace used from my first day with him until his last. The grief is a little more mellow today. No sobbing fits yet, just feeling kind of dull. I'm going out to play trivia with some friends tonight, hopefully that will keep my mind off of it. I'm done just sitting in the apartment all day crying. 

There is some good news. There's a vet just a few doors down from my office that will day board Jaime after his surgery for $13 a day. I took Jaime in for a wellness check today and they absolutely loved him and are super excited to have him. I'll be able to drop him off before work and pick him up after with no worrying because he's just a short walk away! 

Thank you all for your responses! The words I've read on this website are really playing a major part in improving my attitude towards this whole situation. It's just nice to know that I there's people who know what I'm going through.

I really appreciate the suggestions about how to honor Peace. I talked to my mom, and we're going to plant a memory garden for him in my parent's front yard. We're going to bury his moose and a few other mementos and attempt to grow peace lilies over the spot. That way, we can remember Peace and think of him every time they bloom. I'll be giving his favorite bed to a coworker in desperate need of a dog bed for her gentle boy because her other pooches won't let him on the couch - sounds like Peace's twin in temperament! We also just had a brand new bag of dog food delivered to the house for him, so we're going to drive it up to the Greyhound Rescue where I adopted him. I think it'll be great closure to go back to the place it all began. 

Jaime's surgery is coming up fast, so just doing all I can to get ready at this point and putting all my focus on him to get my mind off everything else. Tomorrow I'll pick out a doggie t-shirt or onesie for after his surgery, so that should be fun haha